The Silence of Our Friends

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Please pray for us

Things are very bad in my life right now. About a month ago my husband and I had what I thought was a minor argument, which he decided to escalate into a major argument. It ended with him shooting our cat. We've had that cat for 10 years and loved her so much. Afterwards, my husband just sat there smiling, while the kids and I were hysterical with grief. I had never seen him like that. He had been drinking heavily, he's an alcoholic. He's been an alcoholic for at least 15 years out of the 20 we have been together, but it had gotten progressively worse. He was drinking 60 beers a week at least, and sometimes bought a bottle of whiskey too.

The next morning I made a police report and went to court for an order of protection, a restraining order. I was so relieved when it was granted. But time is running out, it was only good for 30 days, and then we go back to court on Friday. I don't want him home.

He's done other things since then, he canceled my credit cards, and he emptied out the bank account. He didn't just take the money, he also took the overdraft protection. Our balance is -500. I had to go to social services and get emergency food stamps to keep us going.

I had thought that maybe after time has gone by that he would come to his senses, that somehow we could get him psychatric care, into a substance abuse program, and get family counseling, but I don't think so anymore.

I talked to his sister, she says he's not sorry for any of it. About leaving his family with nothing, he says, "The gravy train has come to an end." He doesn't think he has any responsibility to take care of his family. It's like we've only been a bunch of deadbeat roommates mooching off him for the last 20 years. Nothing I've done counts for anything. I am a good mother. I was a good wife. I loved taking care of my family and home. But none of it counts for anything, we're nothing to him.

He's still so angry and vengeful, and I don't understand. I did nothing wrong. The minor argument? It was because I wouldn't take a phone call from his niece. I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to talk on the phone. He flew into a rage over that, told me that I will do what he tells me to do or he will divorce me. All this because I didn't want to talk on the phone.

I'm so afraid that the court won't extend the temporary restraing order, or grant a permanent one. I don't know what he will do to us if he gets back in the house, and I've been told not to leave. If we divorce he will get the home if I abandon it. I don't know what to do, I am afraid for our safety if we stay, but I need our home for our children.

If you believe in God, please pray for us, at least send good thoughts and wishes if you don't. I've had many other difficult times in my life, but I've never felt so terrified and desperate as I do now. I wish we could just run far far away from him and start a new life somewhere else, where we can be safe and happy, but we can't. So please pray for us.