The Silence of Our Friends

Missing In Action

One of the reasons I never started a blog is because I knew this would happen. Alright, self fullfilling prophesy and all that, but anyway... For a week or two I will be all fired up to write, but then I will suddenly realize that not much else is getting done and I have to get back to taking care of the family and home as well as other things. For recreation I like to read, go to the movies or rent videos with the family, play cards with friends, and sell stuff I find at yard sales etc at ebay. I've done all those things and then my husband topped it off by working huge amounts of overtime, which I assumed he did to buy something for the house or some new toy for himself...but he instead did it for me and the kids. He told me to go and buy two (YES! TWO!) new computers. A laptop for me, since the computer I am typing on now is crap, and a desktop for the kids. So I did that and have been spending time setting those up. The bad news is that the laptop has something wrong with it and after spending time setting it up I had to send it back. Hopefully I will be getting it returned to me fixed or replaced soon.

Unfortunately this has left me with little time to post to the blog but soon I hope to post a little more regularly. I know that people get bored if they come to a blog and there is nothing new for days, or worse weeks upon weeks at a time. So if I plan to do this seriously and be read by anyone besides myself I will have to settle in and post at least a couple times a week.

In other news, my health is doing pretty good. I still get enough chronic pain that i have to take the vicodin a couple times a day, but it's not as bad as the past couple of months when I was taking it 5-7 times a day. So the fog is clearing a bit. And my sister is handling the break with dad better. I like to think that has something to do with me since I am still talking with her about every other day. Now she spends alot more time talking about how happy she is with her new home, the coming holiday plans, and our kids. Dad rarely comes up in conversation. I still haven't read the letter, or destroyed it. I think I will take the time to read it, even if it pisses me off. You'd have to know my dad. I think that if the day comes when I am ever in contact with him again he will throw the things I have said to him in my face and I will leave myself "unarmed" if I do not read what he said. It's a bad reason to read it, but I've never said I was an angel. LOL I know I'm not an angel in fact, since I still do not feel bad about not speaking to him ever again. I know I should, but I really don't. He has simply turned into someone I don't want to know or spend any time with. The only qualms I have are whether my not wanting to be with him impacts others who do, like my children. They have spent very little time with him since we are in Wisconsin and he is in Connecticut. But should I take away any more time from them? Also I don't want or expect my sisters to avoid him on my account but they may do it out of a sense of loyalty to me. I hope they are true to themselves and work out whatever arrangement is best for them and their families. I won't be hurt if they want a relationship with him except if he tries to turn them against me. It's funny, it's more like we children are more mature and he is the child. He's a sociopath, republicans tend to be. All he cares about is himself and his appearance to others. He doesn't actually have to be a good person, but wants others to think so, and he's quite the actor when he needs to be. You'd like him if you met him, it's too bad it's all on the surface, and once you left the room he'd probably gripe about you or make fun of you behind your back.

My oldest sister said that everything good she has in her personality or outlook on life she got from our mother, and everything bad from our father. I couldn't agree more because it's also true about me. For instance I have a quick temper like my father, but if I was completely like him I would hold grudges forever, even over stupid small shit. My mother doesn't get angry often, and gets over it quickly. I also get over it pretty quickly. So while I'm no angel, I sure hope I inherited much much more from her than I give myself credit for. You'd like her if you met her too. She is hilarious, many times unintentionally. She has a ninth grade education, but is one of the smartest people I know. The best part about her is that she has a big heart. You'd like her and she would genuinely like you too.

posted by Donna at 12:00 AM |