The Silence of Our Friends

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


I was clicking my way through some of my links, just taking a look at what is going on in the blogosphere tonight, and came across a post about apologies on the Official Blog. There is a huge amount of food for thought if you click through all the links, and I discovered even more when I went to comment* and read the discussion rules. These should be the discussion rules for every blog in existence! It's like a continuation of my last post and well thought out rules for behavior for any person with privilege speaking to those without. I'm serious, it doesn't matter what blog you are on: if you are white go read those discussion rules before you engage in a discussion with or about people of color (POC); if you are a man, go read those discussion rules before you engage in a discussion about or with women; if you are American (or from any colonial/imperialist nation) go read those rules before you engage in a discussion about or with African/Asian/South American etc peoples. It's too bad these rules had to be posted and it isn't automatic behavior, but that is the problem with privilege, people do not even think before engaging in supremacist behavior. It's part of the society we live in, the assumption that whites are better than blacks, that Americans are better than all other nations in the world, the assumption that straights are better than gays.

See I told you I don't think or write in a linear fashion...

Back to apologies, read this for the deconstruction of the many non-apologies, my favorite is the Ellison non-apology. You will see many of the same tactics that have been used in recent days to dismiss POC. Including the dreadful commenters who ruined Amanda's sincere apology; yes, it appears to me that Amanda while sorry she had offended, wasn't quite sure why she offended. I still think she gets points for knowing she hurt others and not wanting to do that.

For a couple really good apologies, check out R. Mildred and Marc Faletti at PunkAssBlog. Explanation without excuses, no blame shifting, no changing the subject, just kickass punkass apologies!

Oh, and the latest addition to my links remains unapologetic.

*I couldn't post my comment there since there was a problem with the authentication image not showing up. That's why you won't see anything from me although I do intend to jump in when I can!

3 comment(s):

The Ellison thing was just pathetic. Not that he hasn't always had a reputation for being an epic asshat, but damn, that was just out of control.

and i hate the apologists for that sort of behavior almost worse than the perpetrators.

It's institutionalized sexism (and in particular in the SF universe, as i understand); but it's also, gotta say it, the starfucking thing.

"Well, that's just how so-and-so IS. Such genius! You just don't understand the geniosity. (I WUV YOU, STAR!! xoxoxoxox)"

what pway too many people who damn well ought to know better fail to understand: people aren't geniuses (if indeed they even are in the first place) BECAUSE they are assholes. they are genii DESPITE being assholes. or rather: people put up with their assholery because of their supposed genius. *But they shouldn't bloody have to.* It's not like the Muse is gonna desert so and so if a friend tells 'em bluntly, "Lookit, you're being an asshole there: cease and desist." And if it does, well, maybe the genius wasn't all that it was cracked up to begin with, yeah-yeah?


By Blogger belledame222, at 10/06/2006 6:30 PM  

What I found interesting is how people were critical about how Connie Willis handled herself, she should have slapped him, she should have shouted in his face, she should have kicked him in the nuts, etc. No, she shouldn't have had to do anything of the kind! He should keep his damned hands to himself!

I think alot of it is choice of words, because I "wish" she had done any or all of those things, but she shouldn't have had to. When you tell her what she should have done, you are blaming the victim. When you are saying what you wish had been done to him, you are saying the bastard deserved much more than he got.

By Blogger Donna, at 10/06/2006 11:26 PM  

right; which is, or should be, feminism 101, that bit, at least. And yet, and yet.

By Blogger belledame222, at 10/07/2006 8:44 AM  

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