The Silence of Our Friends

Friday, September 25, 2009

Having another bad day, but what's new?

This is all just so fucked up. I asked my husband about whether some of his counseling was for anger management, and he told me that his therapist had said that the family therapist asked her about that too. And she scoffed at the idea that he might even need anger should have heard the tone of voice he was using over the phone when he said this. He was ready to blow his stack. Him angry? What a silly thing to even think! I know who the quack is, and it wasn't the family therapist. I mean, for God's sake, he killed the family pet! Is this normal behavior, happens all the time, in every family? What the hell is wrong with her when she can't see that he has a problem with anger and impulse control?

Earlier this month I took my youngest in to the dentist for his routine cleaning, he had 3 cavities. We have insurance, but it doesn't cover much more than the cleaning. He also had x-rays taken and flouride treatment, which isn't covered and the fillings are only covered at 50%. So I'm being billed for $170, I thought my husband would pay it, but he's not going to. I cancelled my appt and my older son's too until I can pay off this bill first. Now my older son tells me his teeth hurt. On our last visit the dentist did tell us that he needs to have his wisdom teeth out and that two of them are impacted. But my son didn't complain of any pain or anything so I thought it could wait a little longer. It looks like it can't. And our dentist won't do the work, she says we will need to see an oral surgeon for this. Where the hell am I going to get that kind of money? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! The only one in my family who might have that kind of money is my father and it's really not a good time to ask him for help. I think he will be needing the money for his own medical care.

The kids are putting out applications to find jobs and I don't have the heart to tell them that it probably will not work out for them. We have one vehicle between the three of us and anywhere they work will be at least a 15 to 20 minute drive since we live in the middle of the damned woods. I don't know how we are going to juggle usage of one vehicle to get us all where we need to be going. I wish we lived in a city or at least a large town where walking, biking, or possibly public transportation is a viable alternative to driving.

All those cliches that say your life is shit kind of fit our life right now, from the frying pan into the fire, going to hell in a handbasket, etc. Fuck I just don't know what to do anymore. It used to piss me off so much when my husband would say things that made me feel stupid and like I can't do anything right. But now I feel like it's true because all my options are crap.

1 comment(s):

I'm not a regular commenter, but I wanted to leave a comment and tell you, NO, you are not stupid and you don't do everything wrong.

I know it's hard to shed that -- hell, years after the fact, it's hard to shed that -- but that's his insecurity lashing out at you. That's about him, not you. YOU are smart and you can get through this.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9/26/2009 11:22 PM  

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