The Silence of Our Friends

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

We're in Deep Doo Doo

Hi everyone. There is still so much I want to say but so little time to say it. Right now I am supposed to be on the road headed back from NH to CT, but while I am waiting on the kids I thought I could put up a quick post.

My husband always has big dreams and always thinks we have more than we really do. I remember when I first met him he would have plans for dates that I just knew were more expensive than he planned for, lucky for him I always took a pocketful o' cash to pay for the difference. I can't exactly do it this time. I warned him to stop looking at the fancy pants houses and look for fixer uppers that over time could be fancy pants houses with a little saving and work on our parts. Oh no, we have to have it all NOW! Well we made an offer on a fancy pants house and he was already preapproved but he is just taking a look at what that mortgage really is all about. It's half his pay. Really. We aren't even talking phone bill, electric, oil, cable or internet, groceries, upkeep etc. Just the mortgage. And he thought he would have enough to put 20% down on the house from the sale of the last house. Well sure he does, if there was no such thing as closing costs, inspections, tax escrow, etc. We don't have it and now we will need a second mortgage to cover those costs.

And I already talked him out of worse. He was looking at houses 50 to 75 thousand more than the one we got. It's times like this I wish white people, including my husband, weren't all about keeping up with the Joneses. I know he was thinking, gosh, we are going to have the best house out of all our friends and family! Yeah we do, but now we don't have enough to get an orthodontist for my oldest son's braces. Now I will need a full time job. Now he will have to work overtime all the time. All for the house and not much else. My kids won't have a Christmas, but they'll live in a big barn of a house. My 16 yr old won't be able to get a license. We can't afford the lessons, the insurance, or a car for him even a beat up piece of crap.

I am not a happy person right now and all I can hope is that somehow this deal falls through, that the home inspector finds serious flaws with this house or something like that.

8 comment(s):

donna--much love to you.

By Blogger brownfemi, at 6/27/2007 12:08 PM  

My father did that about 8 or 9 years ago, when I was 12. I ended up having to work 30 hours a week at the cleaning business my mom had to start to help make money for things like braces, insurance, etc. Finally, two years ago, we moved into something more affordable.

By Blogger Meredith, at 6/27/2007 1:06 PM  

Sometimes, it's not too hard to get out of those contracts. You can tell the home inspector to look at everything (hint, hint), some people backed out a deal with me for my condo, and I just let them go. But that was 3 years ago in a good housing market (in CT BTW). Nevertheless if the buyer acts like a pain in the ass, some people will get scared. I know not the happiest advice, but it's kinda true.

FWIW, I have had the same problem with my husband. His eyes are bigger than his wallet. He's gotten much better over time, but not without a significant amount of arguing over money. I know how stressful that can be. I still don't trust him to make estimates, and I come in and double check often.

By Blogger Rachel's Tavern, at 6/27/2007 1:22 PM  

"It's times like this I wish white people, including my husband, weren't all about keeping up with the Joneses."

I'm a white person as is my husband and neither of us are all about keeping up with the Joneses. As a matter of fact, we have done just the opposite of keeping up with the Joneses. We have always bought the cheapest home in any neighborhood we lived in, that way, our home, with improvements would only climb in value, which happened again and again for us. That's how we lived and we did not care about what our neighbors had that we did not. Because we were careful and never bit off more than we could chew, we were able to pay CASH for the home we live in now (which is again, the least expensive house in the neighborhood. And we're white!!!

Being house poor is not any fun and anyone who tells you any differently is lying.

By Anonymous who cares about the joneses, at 6/27/2007 3:57 PM  

1dbDonna:

Sorry to hear about the stress, none of us need that. Homes are (even cheap ones) more money in most places in the Northeast than the Midwest.

Rachel's comment about home inspectors is worth considering.
I had my spinal fusion c-4--c-7 yesterday and I am quite uncomfortable but I'm noticing some benefit despite that. I'm hoping that in a few days that things will be settled down.

It is also my hope that in a few days your home buying situation will resolve itself. You have my best wishes in that regard.

By Blogger democommie, at 6/27/2007 8:05 PM  

Being house poor really is not fun... speaking from personal experience. We're finally getting to fix up our house after years of living in it through some hard financial times.

One good thing... I'm being more judicious about selections.

Maybe if you tell your husband that Mercury is still retrograde and that means it's a really bad time to sign anything important (especially a mortgage agreement!), he'll listen and more information will come to him in the meantime about a better course of action.

http://stariq.com/Main/Articles/P0007995.HTM
http://www.astrologyzone.com/forecasts/mercury.html
You can google for more links.

Best of luck, Donna!

By Blogger Karen M, at 6/28/2007 12:20 PM  

Good luck Donna.

Remember - you don't have to sign the mortgage. You can just refuse. I've done it, and it works.

At worst you lose your earnest money.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7/01/2007 3:59 PM  

Donna, I hope things turn out as well as can be expected, and that you don't sign anything you feel uncomfortable signing.

Anyway I just wanted to say Welcome back to CT and the northeast, it's good to have you in the region!

Peace.

By Blogger Kai, at 7/05/2007 12:01 PM  

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