A Busy Life and Writer's BlockIf there is anyone left reading my blog, I thought I should explain why I've gone missing in action again. First, expect it to happen quite often. I'm one of those people who gets interested in something and throws myself into it entirely, but also drops it like a hot potato when the next thing comes along and then throws myself into that entirely, etc. So I'll come online everyday for an hour or so, and read some of my favorite blogs and comment but not write anything here. I think a couple of my favorite bloggers are like that too; *eyeing Nanette and Ravenmn*, since they don't update their blogs regularly but can be seen from time to time commenting on other people's blogs the way that I do.
The other reason is the holidays and family illness. It's been crazy busy during the holidays and then afterwards my kids and I caught that norovirus that was going around and now my sons have a sore throat and fever. I'm hoping it's not strep since I did get a notice from the middle school that strep is going around. I don't think so though, since they don't have those white spots back there, and tylenol is handling the pain. If you've ever had strep you know it feels like swallowing razors and tylenol doesn't cut it.
And last, writer's block. Although not really, since I write these great posts offline in my head but when I sit down I forget what I was going to say, or have a million things I want to say and I don't know where to start. I assume writer's block is more like being totally blank. I'm feeling that way now, and wasn't going to write anything but figured it's about time I sit down and crank out something and just see where it goes.
So I'll tell you what I've been reading. I have about 5 must read blogs and one of them is Fetch Me My Axe. I see that people are still upset over the feminist wars and followed links from one of Belle's posts over to RenEv's place and from there to Faith's place.
I agree with each of these feminists. I'm no academic, I did graduate college with a bachelors in business administration, but haven't had any classes in women's studies or anything having to do with race relations for that matter. So I have a difficult time with terminology and mostly speak about my experiences instead, but it makes it difficult for me to lay any sort of claim to being a feminist when I am not sure what that means, and it appears to be more complicated than believing that women should be equal to men, and have the ability and choices to determine her own destiny. That was the definition I assumed and would call myself a feminist if that is what we are talking about.
The complicated part and the part that has these women annoyed, disgusted, and angry is that some radfems have declared themselves the arbiters of who is and isn't a feminist. Those women who choose and enjoy presenting themselves in what could be considered a traditionally feminine way and/or in traditionally feminine roles must be kept out of the feminism clubhouse. I'm not sure how this can be viewed as anything but as stifling as the patriarchy, our choices are still being constricted, but now it's by the matriarchy.
I'm a stay at home mother and wife, talk about a traditional role... anyway, I think it's a great choice for a woman. I feel lucky that my husband and I both wanted it and made the sacrifices necessary to make it happen. I don't think any woman should be forced to stay at home if she prefers a career outside the home. Choices!
I don't like either pornography or prostitution, but that is only because for the most part both are degrading to women and I would guess that most women aren't actually choosing it. When your options are be a prostitute or slowly starve with your family, I don't consider that a choice. And I would bet that worldwide that is the reason why 90% or more women are prostitutes, and the same goes for pornography.
My "traditional role" is now woman friendly. It isn't about my husband or society keeping me in my place, it's about me choosing to do what I want to do. I think the same could be done for pornography and prostitution. I'd like to see prostitution legal with workers safety protections in place. Pornography could also be more woman friendly if more women were behind the camera, producing, directing, scripting, etc. These are some of the things we could be discussing as feminists if it was about more choices instead of judging each other and fitting ourselves into a new constrictive role.
As for fun feminism and the frivolity of make-up, skirts, grooming, and performing certain sex acts. I really think for the most part it is tangental to feminism. My opinion is that fashion is women dressing for other women, not men, not the patriarchy. Most men hate lipstick, I can't think of many men who are that interested in my footwear either, unless he has a foot/shoe fetish, and grooming, most men are happy with a woman who bathes and wears clean clothes that generally match, no polka dots tops with plaid pants kinda thing. I'm not saying there are no feminist issues surrounding these choices, but to me it's only when women feel pressured or are forced into dressing or grooming a certain way. So scrawny models? Yeah that's a feminist issue when women need lipo or have eating disorders to feel acceptable. My thinking is the same for sex acts. There is a big difference with a couple who likes performing oral sex on each other, and a man who tells a woman she will be beaten unless he gets a blow job. One isn't a feminist issue, just a personal preference or choice.
I also happen to like men. My youngest sister's husband was a stay at home dad for a few years. My oldest sister earns more than her husband. In the past these things would have been shameful for men. Only a mouthbreathing Christian conservative fundamentalist would have a problem with either situation now. That's because of feminism. Feminism means more choices for everyone including men. None of us has to be constricted by traditional gender roles, we can choose them, or not.
If feminism is about more choices and more freedom, then I'm a feminist. If it's about taking me from one person's repressive definition and putting me into a diferent but also repressive definition, I guess I'm not a feminist. Hmmm, that first one sounds like a sex positive feminist and the second sounds like...well, let just say that I must be a sex positive feminist.