White Allies; The Good, The Bad, And The Fugly
Recent discussions here and at several other blogs have centered on how to be anti-racist and more on race and racism, understanding when things go wrong, whether we feel comfortable or discomfort discussing these subjects in mixed company, or even if we can ever really understand each other. Each of these discussions are so very different, and yet so much sameness. What I like best is that each of these posts is written by a white blogger. Each of these people understand that people of color can't be the only anti-racists, that this is something we do together, and that white people must be involved in teaching and learning.In Bewildered Part II, I mentioned the pain of finding out that someone I thought of as a friend was only being my friend as a favor. In the comments of the first Bewildered post BlackAmazon can't get past the gall of white women saying they expect special commendations for loving their black husbands and mixed race children. There should be no special recognition for doing what should be normal, loving your partner and children no matter what their race! Expectations of unconditional love, gratitude, and undying loyalty no questions asked, are how you might feel about a dog you have rescued from the pound; not a real friend or ally.
Nezua says it too:
I did everything I could to be respectful, to speak the Queen's English in the most careful and splendiferous of ways, to tame my wild, Brown™ friends who had no patience for the bullshit and saw right through it, to keep the room civil. And you know what? It didn't matter. The WHITEPROGRESSIVES came to my joint, spit their shit and split. And I was actually hurt. Can you imagine? Naive Nezua. But he learns quickly.
Like a battered wife who swears to la chota that she had it coming, me and dear Sylvia were still fretting as if we did something wrong. Greenwald's message included the amazing implication that social progress on these issues was not moving forward because of us OVERSENSITIVES. Even more egregious and bold is the implication that WHITE people are doing The Brown™ a favor by comin' round and entering discussions. And that if we don't toe the line, where will we be then? When they decide they just don't feel like engaging it?
And Sylvia too:
After writing that comment, I felt really badly about pointing out that dynamic. Not even how I did it, just that I did it at all. And I thought about the impact it would have on discussion. I felt really upset because I recognized the chance that Greenwald would not engage Nez’s points, and he would not care to find out if I would stick around for the discussion so he’d feel…well…”safe.”
And Greenwald hasn’t returned yet. In the meantime, I questioned what I had done, exactly. Had I called this man a racist? And I did start feeling upset, so I tried to enter again and apologize for the haste. I tried to contribute carefully worded examples in the discussion, I apologized like crazy, and I felt like shit for quite a while. It was hard to try again. I felt butthurt.
POC must be appropriately grateful, respectful, and admiring. White allies can say whatever they want and shouldn't be called on it if it's ignorant and racist. They mean well.
Ok, not you. I don't mean MY white friends. You're the good ones! LOL So I am giving you your anti-racist assignment for this week. You should read all the posts that I linked to and the comments, but if you are pressed for time, at least make time for those last two by Nezua: The Skin of My Soul (Intermission) and Sylvia: White Privilege and the (Knee-Jerk) Woman of Color. I wanted to reach right through the monitor and hug the stuffin' outta both of them!
And if you finish your assignment I have a reward for you. You must view some "reverse racism" and be properly outraged! Or if I have trained you correctly you will laugh your butt off. Either way, here are a couple of great movie clips from YouTube. First at AradhanaD's place: Just Because... then at Amp's place: Nice White Lady to the Rescue.
posted by Donna at
1:25 PM
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8 comment(s):
after getting attacked on my latest post at jesus' general (which is crossposted here on my blog), my feelings are a bit in that regrouping phase that happens after you cross a White Line® and feel the personal attacks/hate fly at you, so that's gonna color my feelings here—but sometimes i really understand why no matter how hard you try, the lines from Corky Gonzales' Yo Soy Joaquín will always make so much sense:
I withdraw to the safety within the circle of life - MY OWN PEOPLE
and by my own people, i now interpret that in the sense of those of us who understand that this nation is run by white (male) supremacist, imperialist, american exceptionalist notions and all that necessarily follows those facts...it is so hard after a while, banging your head into the wall. it seems there are these core paradigms of thought that are so hard to engage, overcome. you are talking about allies, and that just means "others who care" and so that is worth effort. but sometimes the effort hurts, or the misunderstanding comes in a very personal and harsh way and you just feel there is no way to mesh thinking.
By
Anonymous, at
3/18/2007 5:13 PM
(clears throat to get attention for my special moment)
Since I've already read BOTH The Skin of My Soul (Intermission) and White Privilege and the (Knee-Jerk) Woman of Color, may I please have an extra reward? You know, since I deserve it. ;)
By
Anonymous, at
3/18/2007 6:55 PM
democommie, you give us hope. You knew they would tear you a new one and it didn't stop you from speaking up. This is the part you may not understand. I am grateful to you, but I shouldn't be. It should be the normal course of events for people to speak up even when what they say isn't popular but is right. It should be natural for us to make attempts to see more than only our own POV and to give everyone a chance to have their say. They wanted to cow Nezua and make him feel bad because he doesn't see Angelina Jolie as the great white hope. They didn't want to understand his reasons why, just shut him up.
I understand what you are saying about channelling anger. What I am saying about that is that I have heard all too often that it is my place to be submissive, to be nice, to not hurt white people's feelings. They have no obligation or willingness to do the same for me. I deserve no respect, no dignity, no benefit of the doubt, no kindness. Just look at how Bruce's first instinct was to jump in and call Nezua an asshole. He can do that, but when we give back the same, we better shut up or no one will want to listen to us.
If my choices are to be submissive and tell white people only what they want to hear, or give them crap when they give me or other people of color crap, I choose the latter. If they are so wrapped up in their white supremacy and racism that it makes them walk away, so be it.
By
Donna, at
3/18/2007 11:17 PM
spotted elephant, I went to YouTube hoping to find a special treat just for you but instead I found real racism! Yeesh! It's amazing that people are proud to post that stuff to YouTube and think it's funny. One way or another I will find something special for you though. I think I'll skip the movies for now and think up something else.
By
Donna, at
3/18/2007 11:20 PM
Donna-I was just kidding! I don't want you to go to any work, and certainly don't want you to be exposed to any more racist hate. I think places like YouTube are like minefields-you have to risk a lot to find something good.
By
Anonymous, at
3/18/2007 11:37 PM
thank you donna. i feel sometimes like i have a fucking smile pasted to my face just trying to deal with some fo the flak i stir up. jeje. but inside i'm buggin, so its funny to read how we come across. you seem pretty calm to me!
and democommie, thanks for speakin' up out there. i agree with donna. that means something to me.
one difference with our stories is that people can look at me or hear my name or see my blog and know RIGHT away that they "dont like me" and thus this colors all their shit, and they get sneaky and pissed off. and then argue forever that race doesnt come into it. there are actually alot of differences, but i feel you on your focus on the similarity. as far as anger? i have been saying malcolm x's quote since 93 when i thought it was a Rage Against the Machine quote: anger is a gift.
for ourselves, and our drive, and our sense of perserverance at times. but that's a gift for ourselves. and love is one for others, when we can manage to find that one. but that's why i chill with donna and kai and sylvia and XP and yolanda and bfp and SO many others, bro. because i dont need to explain to them the entire real history of america. they know it. i dont have to explain to them what i am saying about jolie, because they get it. i dont have to talk about doubting myself and bowing even when i'm right...because they get it. i dont have to wonder if they know what its like to wrestle the silmy hydra of disguised race-hate, because they do. and they help me do it, too. i dont have to reach across a wall of denial and propaganda every single fucking time i want to talk about this "touchy" stuff, because they've shed it.
keep on keepin on democommie. bless your heart and your mouth and your life. seeya in the trenches.
By
Anonymous, at
3/19/2007 12:35 PM
Terry Democommie, keep writing weird and wondrous, my friend. :)
By
Anonymous, at
3/20/2007 1:08 AM
I read the two posts and watched the YouTube fiascos, and I have to ask: were those three wanna-hippies idiots high? Pot does that to a person, you know. Eats holes in his brain.
Maybe privilege does that too...
By
Anonymous, at
3/20/2007 8:07 AM
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