The Silence of Our Friends

Dear Friends

2010-05-05T00:35:00.002-04:00

Hi everyone. Although I am still financially shaky, I think I am headed in the right direction, and I know there are so many other people and families who are worse off than we are now. I have been hearing from some of them, and feel so sad that I'm still in such bad shape that I can't help them, except by sending my love and best wishes, and by posting it on my blog to spread the word. If you have a few dollars to spare, please consider donating to two of my dear sisters.

The first is Aaminah, she has suffered a terrible loss, the father of her child has passed away. He was her love, her friend, and her confidante, they were making plans for the future and now he is gone. She wants a lasting memorial and has chosen a design she wants tattooed. Please read more of the story and consider contributing here: Our Sister's Tattoo. She has raised $175 so far and only needs another $75 to reach her goal.

The other is BFP, her tired old computer finally bit the dust. Here she is, the most amazing writer the internet has ever seen, without a computer to keep on writing! What good is the world wide web without her, I ask??? She has raised quite a bit, but still needs about $450 to get her a decent computer instead of one held together with spit and duct tape. If you have the means to help, please consider contributing here: The BFP Computer Fundraiser.

The Silence of Our Friends

2010-04-29T21:02:00.005-04:00

As most of you know, I had taken a partially involuntary but somewhat needed blog break to try to get a handle on my out of control life. It's still out of control, but I do see light at the end of the tunnel. The runaway train is on an incline and slowing down just before the edge of the cliff! (I'm such a drama queen; truly more dramatic, and more queenly than SylbiaKitteh, if you ask me. But no, I'm but a shadow to the true drama queen of all drama queens...BlackAmazon!)

Anyway, so now I'm back, and trying to catch up a bit. Then I make the mistake of reading the blog at Bitch Magazine, where Jessica Yee has made the mistake of accepting a guest blogging stint. Oh Gawd! Jessica wrote a snarky post about hippy/hipster cultural appropriation, and the white folks got angry and defensive. How dare she spoil their fun at playing Indian dress up! And of course there was no moderation, so it was a privilege and entitlement festival. I did the best I could to give Jessica some back-up, but it took a lot out of me. After days and days of this bullshit I was alternating between shaking with rage and crying from the futility of it all.

I wish I could say this is something new, but it's old, so very old. It's always the same thing with these so called liberal white feminists. What always gets to me is the silence of our friends. I wouldn't have named my blog that if it wasn't the one thing that hurts the most. Every time, these liberal whites who claim to be anti-racist suddenly are no where to be found when they are needed. When push comes to shove, they side with the power, they side with whiteness. They do one of three things:
---If they say anything it's, "Stop making a fuss." or "Get over it." They have to hush us, because we're making their white friends uncomfortable. And the comfort of the white people always comes before anti-racism.
---Or they completely ignore it, they pretend they didn't see what is happening. You won't see the white feminists discussing this at Feministing, Pandagon, or Feministe. Nope, no one from those blogs saw what was happening at BitchBlog.
---Or they are just so surprised and shocked when racism happens they don't know what to do! This was the excuse that the moderators at BitchBlog used. It's funny how they know what to do when a sexist troll comes along, but racist trolls? Gosh! It's too difficult to tell them, you can stop or you can leave.

When I first got online, I thought maybe these people are so sheltered they don't recognize racism. I don't believe that anymore. They know what's going on and they are sitting back debating whether they want to side with the powerless. And they decide that no, they won't get involved, they don't want to upset the important (white) people. No biggie, the brown folks are used to white people riding roughshod all over them anyway.

Watch it in action. I want you to watch a video over at youtube. It's about 8 minutes long. In the video a black woman is shopping at a boutique in SoHo and the sales woman and security are BLATANTLY racist towards her. The ones who are most likely to jump in and defend her are other POC, the white people pretend they don't see whats going on, or are simply shocked and don't know what to do (yeah, right, but they keep right on shopping), or they side with the white person ("I bet she used the race card"), or it's not their business.

There are only two instances where white women have a different reaction. The first, a white woman does everything in her power to deny what she is hearing, until she can no longer deny it, and then all she does is break down into a puddle of white woman tears. Those mean people made her witness racism! They busted her post-racial color-blind bubble! But she didn't do a damned thing about it, did she?

The second, a white woman defends the black woman (and her white friend is kind of along for the ride). She stayed and witnessed it all, she loudly protests what they are doing to her, only leaves with the black woman, so, as far as she knows, protecting her from some trumped up charges. Her actions are what finally pricks the consciences of the other white people and many leave the store with them. See, POC don't know racism, so white people need other white people to tell them when something racist is happening, or they don't give a damn what POC think, but care very much what other white people think.

How much you want to bet that every one of those white people would say they are anti-racist? This is SoHo, artsy liberal hipster country.

The only anti-racist was that last woman. I know most POC will go our entire lives without meeting someone like her. We go through racism every day of our lives and all the "anti-racists" around us always have the excuse that they're just surprised by racism and so of course they can't be expected to do anything about it. Considering how many white people I know who insist, INSIST, that they are anti-racist, witnessing white people stepping in without any prompting, like this woman did, should be a common occurrence. It is so unusual that I always cry when I watch that lady in action. I can't watch that video. It hurts knowing that what should be a normal reaction is damn near a miracle.

That ABC News crew got damn lucky she was in the store that day, otherwise they wouldn't have had any white person who would actually defend the black woman at all, just one in a hundred who will shed a tear when they have to witness racism.

This is what is meant by "the silence of our friends", this is the same thing that white liberal feminists do to us all the time. But they can't understand why we don't want anything to do with them or their "feminism". Watch, watch the next time there is a racist flare up in the blogosphere. At the blog it's happening at, there will be mostly WOC defending each other, a small minority of white women also speaking up, the blog owners and or moderators will do nothing, or flail uselessly late in the game, or worse defend their white friends. Oh and at least a couple white liberal men will do their white knight act, come charging in to help the defenseless frail white women from the brutish WOC. And the other big feminist blogs? Twiddling their thumbs and studiously avoiding seeing or saying anything just like most of those white shoppers in the video. Their "intersectionality" consists of pretending they care about us, for appearance sake, white people are all about appearances, but actually fighting against racism? HAHAHAHAHA You have got to be kidding!

What is wrong with you internets???

2010-03-23T18:50:00.002-04:00

OR...Is it me???

I swear, today everything I am reading confuses me. For one thing on tumblr a lot of what I am reading is dialogues/conversations, and I can not follow. I can't tell who is saying what to who (or is that whom? Someone explain who and whom to me again, please.) And other bloggity stuff is just not making sense, as if it's not even in English, although it is. I hate that I have days where my brain no longer works, it's just putt-putt-puttered out. It reminds me, before my blogging break, I would be reading friends blogs or watching conversations in the comments, and think to myself, "These people are so far beyond me." I generally knew what the post/discussion was about, but couldn't quite wrap my head around the concepts. It's kind of scary. I know I was very bright when I was younger. I did well in school without even trying. I used to have a near photographic memory when reading. I'm serious, I could bring up a page I had read in a textbook weeks ago during my exam and "re-read it" to get to the part I needed to know for the answer. I no longer have this ability. In fact, if you ask me the plot of a book I read a week ago, might not remember it, or characters, or even the title and author. I've had moments when I have worried that people think I'm a liar because of my bad memory. I know that part of the cause is my meds, but I think part of it is getting older too, and that frightens me, because I worry about how much more I will forget.

And...back to the internets. Yesterday everything I read made me mad. I finally caught up on the Amanda Palmer (formerly of the Dresden Dolls) ableist, classist bullshit. Saw the lastest transmisogyny via Lady Gaga/Beyonce's Telephone video. And for some racism read up on Victorientalism in Steam Punk. Some days I wonder why I bother getting online!

So yesterday everything made me mad. Today everything confused me. I just can't wait to see how tomorrow's internets are going to screw with me!

Not so soon!

2010-02-11T07:07:00.002-05:00

I'm not gone after all...

My neighbor has been coming over about once a week to commiserate and I told her that my internet was gone. She had her husband open their wireless so that it doesn't need a password and I can "steal" it. While this isn't the best solution, since many times I get really bad reception that drops in and out, I won't complain!

Things are still pretty bad here, well, I guess not the most horrible but not that great is how I would put it. Mostly I'd rather not discuss it because I think everyone would just tell me I'm a dumbass. I'm trying to make the best of a bad situation and just feel like everything is a really bad idea and compromise, compromise, compromise. It's hard not to feel like a dumbass, and feel like everything is a mistake, when there are no real good choices, just bad compromises.

I mostly wish that life's paths were more predictable and laid out so that you could see what is the best thing to do, yeah, that 20/20 hindsight? I want 20/20 foresight! Instead I just feel like I am waiting for the next disaster so I can kick myself for making the wrong choices AGAIN.

Anyway...I'm going to catch up on email and blog reading while the reception holds out!

Bye Bye!

2010-01-29T11:01:00.005-05:00

Just to let you all know that for the most part I am gone. I just don't have the money to afford internet access anymore. It's hard enough juggling the bills and making sure I have money for oil, gas for my van, and food, etc. I can still check email and the blog here from the library, but we aren't supposed to be online longer than an hour at a time, unless no one else is around who wants to use the computers, then we can stay on longer. Bleh, I don't like being online at the library really anyway.

Thanks to the couple of donors who sent money before Christmas. If it wasn't for you my kids wouldn't have had a Christmas! Hopefully within the next year things will be closer to normal and I can do more for them, and get my ass back online too.

I love you and miss you all so much!

Here We Go Again...

2009-11-07T21:12:00.004-05:00

I called the pain management clinic on Wed to tell them I'm running low on Vicodin. First, I have to explain, when you call the pain management clinic you only rarely talk to a real person, 9 times out of 10 you get the answering system. So anyway, I hear nothing back and so I call again on Thu. They get back to me but tell me that I'm calling too early for a refill (I'm only allowed 60 per month) and I'm actually due for a refill on the 9th, but being so "nice" they'll allow me to pick it up on Saturday. But I told them that's because the prescription changed, I used to be allowed up to 3 per day, but it was cut back to 2 per day. My current prescription was called in on the 7th of October and I wanted the next filled on the 6th of November. Since Oct has 31 days, I'm right on schedule. But too bad for me, my doc is gone for the day and already called in with instructions not to let me have it until Saturday. So I have to suffer one day without it...or so I think. Then I show up today for my prescription and who the hell knows where she called the fucking thing in at, since my pharmacy is completely clueless. They checked and rechecked and have nothing called in for me. I need that prescription to manage my fucking pain and I want it now and I am so sick of their God damned bullshit.

This isn't the only time they have screwed me over. One time I called in for a refill on my morphine on a Monday and nothing for two days. They tell you to give them at least 24 to 48 hrs turn around on prescription refills and to be patient and not keep calling. Well I finally called again on Thursday morning and hear nothing from them again. I call again on Friday morning and broke down crying on the phone begging for my meds since I ran out on Wed and was in severe pain. That's when they finally called it in and got back to me and apologized. The doctor approved my prescription all the way back on Monday and the fucking nurse "forgot" to call it in. What the fuck??? This is a pain clinic for people in severe chronic pain. You don't fucking forget about the meds they need to function!!! AND you don't fucking call it in to Mars or lord-knows-where instead of the person's regular pharmacy. Why the fuck can't I ever catch a break and have things go right for me?

Every God damned thing in my life sucks.

Ha Ha HAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-05T12:18:00.002-05:00

My internet still works!

Does your brain automatically shut down when you find yourself in some kind of trouble? You would think it would be the other way around, your brain would be working overtime helping you come up with ideas and strategies for fixing the troubles, but instead, nope, stupidity sets in.

I'm asking because for the last couple days I come online to check to see if my internet is still working and go surfing around to read all the blogs I've been missing. There's some really great writing out there that I missed over the last few months. But I don't comment because I can't think of anything worthwhile to say.

I think this also explains my last few blog posts here, talking about shoes and sweets. That's all that's on my mind. I WANT TO BE SMART AGAIN! At least once in awhile...

By the way, I had lost 35lbs. Yup, even with eating the German chocolate cake. Nope, I didn't go on a diet. I just have been losing weight for no apparent reason. It's stopped for now and I gained 5lbs back, but I think that's all water weight from the edema. I hope I can get rid of the edema. I really don't want to live with giant feet for the rest of my life. My doctor won't give me more water pills or change the ones I'm taking now (hydrochlorothiazide). So we're not really doing anything to get rid of it except I'm supposed to be watching my salt intake. I could probably do better at that, although I have cut back, but haven't given it up completely. Food would be nasty without any salt!

Also, I'm either going crazy or my cat is haunting me. Over the past few days I have had to jump to avoid stepping on her. I am walking along and just see her there in front of my feet and slam on the brakes, or hop over her, and then I realize, nope nothing is there, I just imagined it.

That's all I got today.

I'm Still Around But...

2009-10-31T20:28:00.003-04:00

I BETTER TALK FAST BEFORE TIME RUNS OUT!!!!!!!!!

Doesn't that sound so dramatic? I'll give you something that really sounds dramatic, go here and press the play button. That right there is the soundtrack to my life.

Anyway, things are still one big super dooper crapfest in my life, but I manage to keep on keeping on every day by thinking and doing stupid and weird things. It's better than dwelling on how crappy things are, no? One of the weird things I have been doing is eating lemons, I don't know why, but I'm craving them. So I eat them like normal people eat apples or oranges. I bet I'm craving them because I HAVE SCURVY!!!!! (There I go with the drama again...)

Things didn't go so well in Connecticut. My oldest son got the flu the during the week, but was okay by the weekend, so we went. But I didn't think things through, my father couldn't see us anyway. I already knew that he probably shouldn't see my oldest just in case he was still carrying the virus, but didn't think about what if I or my youngest caught it and just weren't showing symptoms yet? My sister, who is a nurse, is the one who told me that. She said none of us can go see my dad, not if there is any chance we could give him the flu. Because of the chemo, his immune system is so weak that catching the flu could kill him. AND...it rained all weekend so no Six Flags for the kids. I felt so bad for them, everything in their lives has been shitty for the last several months, I wanted them to have something good happen for once. They are such good kids they deserve something good in their lives but all they get is disappointment. For example, wouldn't you expect their grades to be falling behind after all of this that they are going through? Instead I got progress reports last week and both of them are getting straight A's! My oldest struggles with his classes because he has autism, so generally he gets C's. This was a huge happy surprise for me. I wish I could do more than give him a hug as a reward, especially since he doesn't like hugs. LOL

I'll have you know, the baking continues! I did do the brownies and I plan on doing cookies tomorrow. I'm managing to do all this baking without burning anything so far *knock on wood*. One of the reasons I don't bake is that I have no patience, so I wander off and forget that I have something in the oven and end up with burnt baked goods.

I'm over the shoe thing though and I didn't even buy any. I'd really like an explanation for that shoe obsessed episode though, why would someone who normally isn't all that interested in buying shoes suddenly get the urge to shop for them?

Anyway, money is still tight and my husband still isn't helping much, so some of the bills aren't getting paid. That's the reason for the drama in the first sentence. I didn't pay for my internet this month so I expect it to be shut off, I don't know how long it takes them to get around to doing that though. So I better get my internet time in now and say what I want to say before *poof* I'm gone! I'm sure I'll still pop in occasionally when I get down to the library and let you all know that I'm still hanging in there.

*MWAAAAAH* sending you all smooches for being there for me!

Shoes and Cakes and More Stuff

2009-10-16T02:09:00.003-04:00

For the last month I've been obsessed with shoes. I want to go on a shopping spree and buy dozens of pairs of shoes. I don't know why! First of all, if you know anything about me, you would know that I don't spend much money and I especially don't spend much money on myself. The sneakers I wear almost every day I've had for 5 or 6 years and I bought them on clearance for $10. Another thing to know about me, I suffer from edema, this is swelling in the extremities. I have gigantic elephant feet. So the stupidest thing for me to do is buy shoes, because what the hell size do you buy when your feet are normal in the morning, start swelling by afternoon, and are gigantic by evening? Those sneakers I told you about? I have the laces loosened up on them for my fat feet, or else I wear a pair of slippers my husband bought me something like 10 or 12 years ago. Geez, why am I telling my readers any of this? I sound like such a frump, and you know what? I am! But this frump suddenly wants shoes! I want someone to explain this to me, why I would suddenly want to buy shoes out of the blue? I haven't acted on this impulse except to go "window shopping" online, since as you know, I am broke. Damn shoe stores want money for their shoes!

Anyway, that is about as deep as my thoughts go lately. Shoes! I don't like thinking of too much or else I just get depressed by it all. Shoes are not depressing, when you look at shoes you imagine the places you would go in them, and the things you would do in them. Dresses are like that too, but come on, imagine me in a dress? Let's not get ridiculous now!

I did do something else out of character today though, I baked a cake, it was German chocolate. I found out that neither of my kids likes German chocolate cake too. This means I have to eat it all myself! I don't know if that's good or bad. I really should not eat a whole cake myself, but damn, German chocolate cake is tha bomb! You would think I would have found out long ago what my kids like and don't like, but as I said, it's out of character for me to bake cakes or bake anything really. And...last week I baked chocolate chip muffins. The kids loved them and I didn't get ANY of them!

Now those of you who sent me money are thinking, just look at this travesty! I help the woman out and instead of buying wholesome foods she is baking sugary junk food! We got wholesome too! I've been cooking up soups and stews. We're eating salads and stir fry...and we get muffins and cake too. I think I'll do brownies or cookies next week. So thank you all so much, I was able to buy enough groceries for the past two weeks and I should be good for this week too. I also paid my youngest son's dentist bill so that I could get my oldest son in. By the time he got in to see the dentist his teeth weren't hurting anymore, so whatever was going on might not have had anything to do with his impacted wisdom teeth. He does still need to have them pulled. Our whole family has narrow jaws without the room for wisdom teeth. In another couple years my youngest will need to have his wisdom teeth out too. Hopefully I'll find an oral surgeon who doesn't need money up front and doesn't mind putting it on a payment plan.

My dad is doing well, the chemo seems to be working and his doctors are hopeful. He's also bald and the steroids are causing his face to swell. He's depressed about that, but at least he doesn't sound frightened anymore. Maybe he's just better about hiding his feelings. I don't know really. I plan to go down to CT to see him in two weeks. I hope that seeing us cheers him up. What is really nice is that my brother in law said he would pay for me to come down and when I told another sister that I was coming she said she would pay and take my kids to Six Flags for Frightfest. Things like that make me tear up. When you find yourself in a bad situation its easy to let negativity take over. It's easy to feel like everything is your fault and all your decisions are wrong and that you're stupid for all the things you should have or could have done differently and then maybe things would have turned out better. When you feel this way you also think that everyone will abandon a loser like you. Who the hell wants to be involved with a dumbass who is just gloom and doom and trouble coming and going? But it didn't happen, when I really needed it, there was always someone there to help. People have been there to listen when I needed to be heard, to pray for us, and have helped me to buy groceries, gas, and pay a few bills. I still spend most days sad, confused, and scared...but I also have those moments when I am grateful, happy, and hopeful. Thank you to everyone who has been there for us through this mess!

I really need help!

2009-09-28T00:59:00.003-04:00

I haven't wanted to be too pushy or to pathetically beg, but I'm doing really bad financially right now and I need help. My husband hasn't been giving me the full amount of court ordered support and a couple weeks I didn't get anything at all. At first I thought he was just lying and playing games, but now I'm not so sure. I really don't think he has the money to give and pay off all the bills too. I don't think he is lying about that. Since he's the one who paid the bills, I didn't pay close attention to a lot of financial stuff and so I didn't know how far in debt we were, I have found out that we are maxed out on our credit cards, so we only have what he earns to fall back on. Even so, I've been struggling but okay for the last several months because of the money I have been able to squirrel away, the amounts I've gotten from him, and the generous donations I had gotten from my friends online. Thanks so much everyone. But I need your help again, if you have a few dollars you can throw my way please click on the paypal button. It's a sad thing that I am grateful that we all lost our appetites for some time after my husband killed our cat because it made the groceries last longer, but not anymore, and this old mother Hubbard has to admit the cupboards are getting bare.

For those who don't know and are asking why I don't get off my ass and get a job, I have three herniated discs in my neck. I have finally found a good combination of meds so that I have been getting some relief from the pain, but I never really know when I will get a flare up and be unable to move without being in excruciating pain again. I'm also certain I will not pass a drug screen since one of my meds is Avinza (morphine) and another is Vicodin. Sure they are legal prescribed drugs, but how many employers want to take a chance on hiring someone taking high doses of opiates daily? I also have edema which makes my feet and ankles swell twice their normal size when I have to stand for any length of time. I'd also need flexible hours to keep all my doctors/specialists/therapists appointments not to mention appointments with lawyers and for court appearances in the next few months. Anyway, the short answer is, I have a few limitations that make finding and keeping a job difficult. I also fear that my husband and his lawyer would use it against me, so that he doesn't have to pay alimony, but as I mentioned, just because I'm going through a time of lower pain doesn't mean it will always be like this, I might have a flare up tomorrow or six months from now. I don't know when it will happen, I just know that it will eventually.

I'm sorry to keep asking but I do need help now. I'm hoping by the next court date I'll be able to get my husband's wages garnished or some other way to guarantee a certain amount of income which I can budget. I've been poor other times in my life and know how to budget on little, I just can't budget on nothing which is what I have now!

Having another bad day, but what's new?

2009-09-25T03:15:00.003-04:00

This is all just so fucked up. I asked my husband about whether some of his counseling was for anger management, and he told me that his therapist had said that the family therapist asked her about that too. And she scoffed at the idea that he might even need anger management...you should have heard the tone of voice he was using over the phone when he said this. He was ready to blow his stack. Him angry? What a silly thing to even think! I know who the quack is, and it wasn't the family therapist. I mean, for God's sake, he killed the family pet! Is this normal behavior, happens all the time, in every family? What the hell is wrong with her when she can't see that he has a problem with anger and impulse control?

Earlier this month I took my youngest in to the dentist for his routine cleaning, he had 3 cavities. We have insurance, but it doesn't cover much more than the cleaning. He also had x-rays taken and flouride treatment, which isn't covered and the fillings are only covered at 50%. So I'm being billed for $170, I thought my husband would pay it, but he's not going to. I cancelled my appt and my older son's too until I can pay off this bill first. Now my older son tells me his teeth hurt. On our last visit the dentist did tell us that he needs to have his wisdom teeth out and that two of them are impacted. But my son didn't complain of any pain or anything so I thought it could wait a little longer. It looks like it can't. And our dentist won't do the work, she says we will need to see an oral surgeon for this. Where the hell am I going to get that kind of money? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! The only one in my family who might have that kind of money is my father and it's really not a good time to ask him for help. I think he will be needing the money for his own medical care.

The kids are putting out applications to find jobs and I don't have the heart to tell them that it probably will not work out for them. We have one vehicle between the three of us and anywhere they work will be at least a 15 to 20 minute drive since we live in the middle of the damned woods. I don't know how we are going to juggle usage of one vehicle to get us all where we need to be going. I wish we lived in a city or at least a large town where walking, biking, or possibly public transportation is a viable alternative to driving.

All those cliches that say your life is shit kind of fit our life right now, from the frying pan into the fire, going to hell in a handbasket, etc. Fuck I just don't know what to do anymore. It used to piss me off so much when my husband would say things that made me feel stupid and like I can't do anything right. But now I feel like it's true because all my options are crap.

Thank you so much

2009-09-21T01:34:00.002-04:00

I've been meaning to write an update and a thank you to everyone who has given us their support.

Court went well. The restraining order was extended for a further 90 days with many stipulations. He is allowed to have telephone or email contact with us and allowed to be in our presence under certain circumstances, such as during counseling, this was one of the stipulations. But last week our family counselor dumped us. She said that his personal therapist will not work with her at all, and that she can't move forward, or know what to do without some knowledge of where he is at with his therapy. His therapist has also told my lawyer that she doesn't want to work with me, or have anything to do with the court either. And it's not like it's my husband who is dragging his feet on this one, he has given her his written consent and authorized her to speak to the family therapist and court. In fact one of the stipulations is that he won't get back into the home unless his personal therapist says that he is safe to do so, or in the case of divorce, he will need her to vouch for his safety to get visitation with the kids. So she's hurting him more than she is me, but since I had hoped that at the very least we could learn to be civil around each other, I am upset that we can't move forward with the family therapy.

She also said something that frightened me. She said that during their private sessions my husband has said some things that leads her to believe that he should not be in the home or anywhere near me. Because she can't talk to his therapist, she doesn't know if he is involved in any type of counseling for anger management, and that he is very impulsive when he is angry, and does what he feels like doing in the heat of the moment without considering the consequences. She is worried that I might say things during our sessions that will anger him, and he might have enough impulse control in front of her, but what happens after we leave? She thinks he might come after me and attack me if he is angry enough. That's why she can't be our counselor anymore, because she doesn't want to be responsible for that, and doesn't think we belong in counseling. We simply don't belong anywhere near each other and without the knowledge of where he is at with his personal counseling, we might never belong anywhere near each other.

He's still acting weird too. Sometimes he is so nice that I begin to believe he's back to his old self, other times he is playing head games and being vengeful. He's still playing games with money so that I'm never sure if we will have money for groceries and bills or not. Since there is a court order though, we aren't eligible for food stamps and are depending on him to pay up on time. He's skipped a couple of weeks and explained that since he has to pay the mortgage he didn't have enough for that week and that I'll just have to ask my family for help, and to budget better. The other times, our bills were the excuse too, for being late with the money and giving me only $100 for the week. I'm doing the best I can with what I've got, and can't thank those of you who have sent money through my paypal enough. You got me through some rough times and I was able to get what we need because of your help.

And...you helped me in another way you don't even know about yet. Nearly 25 years ago my father had a bout with cancer. He went through the chemo and radiation and it kicked his ass, but he was a tough one, and went into remission. Since then he's had skin cancer several times, each time it's caught early and removed. He goes every year for a thorough physical at his doctors office. This year they did a full body scan, I'm not sure what that means, but whatever it is, they found out he has cancer again. He has an aggressive lymphoma and has 6 tumors, one about the size of a tennis ball on his small intestine. He has to go through the chemo and radiation again, and he's not so tough anymore, he's in his mid 60s and diabetic. They are only giving him a 50/50 chance that it will work. If it doesn't work, he only has a few months to live. Anyway, without your help, I wouldn't have been able to go visit my father. I was there last weekend to spend some time with him and let him know that I love him. Thanks so much for giving me that opportunity.

I do have a bit of good news. I've had some of my meds switched, I ran out of Robaxin a few weeks back and didn't have the chance to get it refilled for a few days, and there was no difference. I told my doctor this and since it's not doing anything we dropped that med, and I was put on Flexeril instead. That one is working! Both meds are muscle relaxants, and I was so stressed out that the muscles in my back were in knots. Seriously, you would think I work out if you felt the muscles in my back because they are so hard. The Flexeril loosened that up, and since it was causing some of my pain, the pain has come down a few notches. I'm not pain-free, but I am doing much better. It is such a relief to be able to do something like laundry, without worrying that I will cause a flare up that will have me laid up in bed crying from the pain for days. I am so happy to be able to move around without that terrible pain all the time. The rest of my life might be a train wreck but at least I've got that!

Thank you again to everyone. Thanks for all the prayers, kind words, and donations to keep us going. I never wanted to ask for financial help because I always thought that my husband needs to take care of his family. He should love his children enough to do right by them and should be ashamed that I have to go begging to my family, friends, or the state to provide for us. He has no shame though. He hates me more than he loves our kids. I do still need as much help as any of you can give, I just can't count on my husband to take care of us, and right now I have less than $30 and that will need to go in my gas tank which is close to empty. After that, I got nothing for anything else we might need. The only good thing about this is that after the 90 days is up, this will look really bad for him, and hopefully the court won't just order support, but will garnish his wages so that he can't play his games with me anymore.

Please pray for us

2009-08-11T20:13:00.002-04:00

Things are very bad in my life right now. About a month ago my husband and I had what I thought was a minor argument, which he decided to escalate into a major argument. It ended with him shooting our cat. We've had that cat for 10 years and loved her so much. Afterwards, my husband just sat there smiling, while the kids and I were hysterical with grief. I had never seen him like that. He had been drinking heavily, he's an alcoholic. He's been an alcoholic for at least 15 years out of the 20 we have been together, but it had gotten progressively worse. He was drinking 60 beers a week at least, and sometimes bought a bottle of whiskey too.

The next morning I made a police report and went to court for an order of protection, a restraining order. I was so relieved when it was granted. But time is running out, it was only good for 30 days, and then we go back to court on Friday. I don't want him home.

He's done other things since then, he canceled my credit cards, and he emptied out the bank account. He didn't just take the money, he also took the overdraft protection. Our balance is -500. I had to go to social services and get emergency food stamps to keep us going.

I had thought that maybe after time has gone by that he would come to his senses, that somehow we could get him psychatric care, into a substance abuse program, and get family counseling, but I don't think so anymore.

I talked to his sister, she says he's not sorry for any of it. About leaving his family with nothing, he says, "The gravy train has come to an end." He doesn't think he has any responsibility to take care of his family. It's like we've only been a bunch of deadbeat roommates mooching off him for the last 20 years. Nothing I've done counts for anything. I am a good mother. I was a good wife. I loved taking care of my family and home. But none of it counts for anything, we're nothing to him.

He's still so angry and vengeful, and I don't understand. I did nothing wrong. The minor argument? It was because I wouldn't take a phone call from his niece. I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to talk on the phone. He flew into a rage over that, told me that I will do what he tells me to do or he will divorce me. All this because I didn't want to talk on the phone.

I'm so afraid that the court won't extend the temporary restraing order, or grant a permanent one. I don't know what he will do to us if he gets back in the house, and I've been told not to leave. If we divorce he will get the home if I abandon it. I don't know what to do, I am afraid for our safety if we stay, but I need our home for our children.

If you believe in God, please pray for us, at least send good thoughts and wishes if you don't. I've had many other difficult times in my life, but I've never felt so terrified and desperate as I do now. I wish we could just run far far away from him and start a new life somewhere else, where we can be safe and happy, but we can't. So please pray for us.

Ilyka, where are you???

2009-05-30T19:16:00.003-04:00

ILYKA! WHERE ARE YOU!!!??? COME BACK TO THE INTERTUBES!!! EVERYONE MISSES YOU!!! DON'T MAKE ME CRY AND GUILT TRIP YOU SOME MORE AND AND AND USE ALL CAPS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!! JUST COME BACK ALREADY!!!

Memorializing the Feminine Beauty Ideal

2009-05-08T18:42:00.014-04:00

Over at Racialicious I came across a discussion of a photo shoot featuring Gisele Bundchen and several male models, black male models. I agree that the photos are definitely racially charged, and I also think they are racist, but opinions on that differ. The work as a whole is confusing, and I believe that is deliberate. I think the photographer, Sølve Sundsbø, may have had a few concepts in mind instead of one over-all concept. The one that really stopped me in my tracks was this one:

To me this photo is reminiscent of the Iwo Jima memorial of the Marines planting a flag. But that impression didn't seem to make much sense within the context of the other photos. At Racialicious only four of the eight photos are displayed, but they link to Project Rungay, where there are four more photographs.

There is a commonality to these photos, as well as the first one, that I see. Gisele is bland and emotionless. I do think that she is meant to represent a memorial, statue, piece of art. A common racist trope is that black men (and women) are beasts of burden. In each of the photos it can be interpreted that they are moving this piece of art to it's pedastal or display case. The reaction that people have to beautiful artwork is reverence, awe, and covetousness. I think the last two photographs have that in them. Another common racist trope is that white woman is the beauty ideal and what all men want, including black men, especially black men. I also think that the choice of body builders as the male models isn't coincidental, it is representative of hypermasculity and the nudity represents hypersexuality. These once again are common racist tropes about black men, but also represents a danger to the fragility and chastity/purity of the white woman.

This last photo, I am not sure what the photographer meant by it. The statue comes to life and covets the beast of burden? I had that song from Sesame Street in my head when I saw it, "Which one of these things is not like the others?"

In the discussions both at Racialicious and Project Rungay some people are quick to dismiss the racist aspect to the photographs. They say that the photos are beautiful, and that black and white skin makes for a wonderful contrast in the photos. I am not denying this, that some people will find the photos beautiful, interesting, and that the contrast adds to that. But offensive artwork done with skill can be visually beautiful and interesting. Many people collect and study war propaganda for one example because of the artistic viewpoint and rendering, as well as the social and historical commentary. I think that might be true here also, that these photos have a certain beauty, but that there is social commentary to be made and interpreted in them.

Pain and Judgment

2009-05-02T14:26:00.003-04:00

I went and did it again. I took two vicodin so I could write a post. I am going to be so sorry when I run low before I can get another months supply. So I better get on with it before my pain creeps back up on me and I have to go lie down.

Okay I want to know something, here Renee at Womanist Musings writes for Blogging Against Disablism Day:

To talk about our pain is construed as whining. Someone will always come up with a story about a friend of a friend who had a disease similar to yours who took this herbal pill from Tibet or some mountain that you have never heard of and suddenly was cured and got on with their lives. More likely than not this friend of friend just finally got the message that talking about their illness was not cool and decided to be silent. You see we can talk about pain but only in terms of what we are doing constructively to get better and not about how much it hurts or hard it is emotionally. It makes people uncomfortable and so it is understood as easier for all if we would just be quiet. I know this to be correct because the moment you answer truthfully about how you feel the subject is quickly changed or silence ends the conversation.

I want to know why someone would be wrong to say to her:

WOC are born fighting and we die fighting. Acknowledge your pain and get the hell up. We cannot even afford to have one sister down for the count when there is work to be done.

Seriously full of shit...
and you are completely hell bent in wallowing in pain...
So 40 years from now when you are still telling the world about your hurt what will you have accomplished? What proactive action will you have taken? Playing victim does not make anyone powerful...

Would it be okay for me to tell her she is curling into a fetal position and sucking her thumb in defeat? Should I tell her that she should refuse to be the eternal victim? Maybe she needs to put on her big girl panties?

Honestly, I agree with everything Renee says in her post about disability. I also suffer from chronic pain and my disability is invisible. So I don't actually want to say any of those things to her. What I am doing is repeating her own words to BlackAmazon. Here are the posts where I got the quotes from:
Questions
I started something really inflammatory
Big Girl Panties and the Cycle of Victimology

And recently Renee did this to someone again, Step It Up, Wimp!

This is the problem I am having, this is what I hate, not Renee, but the fact that it's okay for her to feel pain, write about her pain, expect sympathy and empathy instead of judgment, expect commiseration and understanding, make her own decisions about what is best for her, including resting, bowing out, taking care of herself first, but she is quick to judge others without knowing their circumstances or even very much about them at all. I really just don't understand why it's okay for her to decide whose pain is valid, when they have suffered and discussed it long enough, when they need to get up and fight, and choose their battles and priorities for them.

I did want to note something interesting, most of the people who agreed and were moved by the Big Girl Panties post were white, not all, but most. And again those who disagreed were POC, not all, but most. This goes to how white women are viewed vs. WOC. The stereotypical white woman is a weak delicate flower, white feminists are fighting against this stereotype, so a post telling them they are strong warriors will resonate. WOC on the other hand are stereotyped as super strong beasts of burden whose feelings don't matter, so being told quit bitching and keep on marching will grate.

And I want to note something else, about the post referenced by whirlwitch at Womanist Musings, Walking Away: The Luxury of an Ally. Walking away CAN be a sign of privilege. But there is a huge difference between someone telling you they are suffering, stressed, have too much on their plate, etc as the reason they walk away and someone who says, "I'm cis, transphobia and transmisogyny don't affect me, so why should I care? I'm walking away from this."

Also Renee states multiple times that trans people can't just walk away, she's both right and wrong. For one thing vriane, the woman she is castigating, can't escape transphobia and transmisogyny since she is a trans woman and the target of those oppressions, so Renee is right that she can't walk away from that...BUT vriane is talking about limiting her exposure to certain websites and news sources that are triggering her because she can't deal with that right now. That is what she is walking away from. This is very similar to what BlackAmazon was trying to explain to Renee. Since BA is a woman she can't hide from sexism or walk away from it, but she can walk away from useless white middle class feminism, and find better ways to spend her time, and other WOC to work with.

The day after blogging against disabilism day.

2009-05-02T01:16:00.003-04:00

I missed blogging against disablism day. It wasn't accidental though, it wasn't exactly purposeful either. There are times I want to talk about it, and times I don't. I didn't at first, but read some other posts, and now I feel like I want to. So my post is for the day after blogging against disablism day.

I am a disabled woman. It took me a long time to conclude this. I had hopes that my condition was temporary, but now I know that isn't true. If you are reading this you probably already know, I have herniated cervical discs with a bone spur which cause chronic pain that can have me laid up for anywhere from hours to days at at time. I've been having a particulary bad flare up since around Christmas time, I can't pinpoint an exact date, because my pain had been increasing and yet not steadily. People who have seen their doctor for pain know about "the scale", your doctor will ask you to rate your pain from 0-10. Last spring/summer my pain was anywhere from 0-3 with very short zaps up to 5. Now the scale is at 5-7 with zaps up to 9. It's out of control, because yes, the lowest my pain goes is 5.

ARGH! There is so much I want to say now that I don't know where to begin, and I'm worried that if I go down one avenue I will forget another that I meant to talk about, and that much of this will not make sense anyway, because my meds are severely affecting my memory and ability to concentrate.

One thing I want to say is that I lied about something. Right now my pain level is about 3...but I said the lowest it goes is 5, didn't I? WELLLL...the lowest it goes is 5 if I stick to the treatment plan my doctor expects me to. I am allowed 5 vicodin per day. I've taken 7 today though, in the last hour took 2. If I take that much it lowers the pain enough so that I can sit here and type up this post. Can you figure out that I think that my dosage needs to be adjusted? My doctor refuses, she has no other chronic pain patients and isn't comfortable adjusting it without some guidance. The one who was supposed to give her that guidance is an asshole "pain management" doctor who doesn't believe in giving patients opiod narcotics for pain AT ALL. She's upset because she wants to help but he won't give her any advice, so we decided to fire him. He resents being fired though, and even though I signed a release so that he should give up his treatment notes to my new pain management doctor, he is dragging his feet. He told them that I didn't sign a release, so now I have to go back to his office and sign another, and I have no doubt he will find some other way of screwing this up. Either by not sending, or sending incomplete notes, or writing something in there that will make me look bad and make my new doctor wary of treating me. My new pain management doctor refuses to make an appointment to see me until he has notes about my current/recent treatment. So I'm in limbo.

I also know my primary is worried about addiction, which is why she will not adjust my meds without guidance. Of course I worry about this too, but you know what? I worry more about being useful and having a life. If I stick to the treatment plan I can lower the pain enough so that I can move without screaming, but still have to just grit my teeth and get on with it as best I can. No one should live like this and especially when there are options and they don't have to.

When I was first diagnosed it was easy to treat. I was given a six day prescription of prednisone and my symptoms would clear about the third or fourth day in. I'd be pain free for up to a year. Then I'd get more prednisone for the next flare up, good to go again for up to a year. This stopped working about 5 years ago and I've been through numerous treatments and meds since then. Five years ago, when I knew it wasn't going to go away so easily I used to get suicidal thoughts. I simply didn't think I could handle living in so much pain for the rest of my life. But I had to hang in there, if not for me, for my family. They are what kept me going. Eventually I sort of got used to dealing with a certain level of pain, and my treatments/meds did help sometimes. So the hope was always there that things could get better.

Now I'm scared, because I'm getting the suicidal thoughts again. Nothing serious, like planning it out or anything like that. But I thought I was past that and now I know I'm not. It's that same hopeless, "My God, I don't think I can live like this forever." I don't want anyone worrying that I will actually carry through with it, it really is only a passing thought at this time, and I quickly dismiss it, but I don't like that I am thinking it at all. I'm not telling my readers this to get a pity party going or anything like that. I'm telling you this because it doesn't have to be this way. I already said that I am functional now because I doubled my dosage tonight. (I also doubled my dosage this morning which is why I was able to post earlier. This explains why I have had 7 instead of 5 vicodin today.) I wish doctors would listen to their patients, I'm not a drug seeker, and my doctor should know this since my dosage has gone down as well as up since she has been treating me for the past year and a half. I do want my dosage level raised now, but only for as long as it takes to find a non-narcotic treatment for my pain, then we can lower the dosage again or remove it altogether.

I guess this is the background post. It's getting pretty long so I'll conclude here for now and gather my thoughts for the next avenue I'm headed down.

Latest update on ME!

2009-05-01T08:10:00.002-04:00

I've got several things to say and several things to sort through. Hopefully I will say and sort them in a way that isn't too confusing!

First I just wanted to mention that I am sort of blogging at LiveJournal now, I just wanted to try a different platform, and one thing I like about lj is the friends/community aspect. The friends page is sort of like having a built in CSS reader so that you don't miss anything that is going on with your friends and communities who also blog at lj...unless you don't sign in to lj and check your friends list! Anyway, for anyone interested my lj is here:
The Silence of Our Friends - LiveJournal version
Go ahead, friend me, I generally friend back, but I readily admit I'm slow about it. It's only because I forget to check who has friended me that often. Don't worry, you won't miss anything since I haven't had any locked posts yet. But of course, I also don't want to miss what you are saying and need you on my friends page for that. So go ahead and poke me in comments to let me know to get over there and friend you.

There are a few things I don't like about lj, the first is threaded comments. I find them confusing and wish that lj would make it so that you can change preferences for that, at the very least have it so that you could "expand all". It would also be great if there was a way of marking which comments are read and which are unread. The last thing is, now that I make the move over to lj, everyone else is moving to DreamWidth! This is just my luck.

Ok, in general 'Donna News', I just got back from a vacation. It started out as the vacation from HELL, we got to the airport with over an hour and a half to go before our flight. We were flying Southwest, and they were badly understaffed. The line was huge to check our luggage and get boarding passes, but after an hour we did...and then we got into the line for security to get to our gate. That was also huge. We got to our gate just in time...to see our flight leave without us. We weren't the only ones, there were 8 passengers who missed that flight. Now think about this, we were checked in, they knew we were in the airport because we had boarding passes and our luggage is already on the plane, but they didn't hold the plane for a lousy 5-10-15 minutes to get all passengers on board. Now I'm not saying that an airline has to wait forever for every dawdling passenger, but they know they are understaffed and the lines are huge, their fault...they also see how long the lines are for TSA, not their fault, but certainly not the passengers fault either. Instead of waiting a few more minutes to board everyone, now they are stuck trying to fit us on other overbooked flights to get us to our destination. Now they have a bunch of irate passengers instead of pleased customers.

And...most importantly, our luggage is on that plane without us. I thought new security measures were in place so that this never happens. You see, one of the things terrorists do is put bombs in their luggage, check that luggage, and then don't get on the flight. So when luggage is on a flight without the passenger who checked that luggage, the airline is supposed to delay the flight and remove that luggage from the cargo hold. (Here is a related article about "Positive Passenger Bag Match" or PPBM from MSNBC.) They really do not give a shit about their passengers, or crews, just the schedule. And you know something, a plane does not travel at only one speed. It can speed up and slow down like most other vehicles. This means that even if a flight is delayed for 15 minutes, it will still likely be on time to it's arrival destination, the schedule is just fine!

We were there at the airport all morning and much of the afternoon, watching flight after flight take off without us. They kept telling us that maybe they could get us on the next flight and get a connecting flight from there. But no, all their flights were booked and no last minute cancellations. Finally we told them we want our money back and that we would see if we could find a flight on another airline.

So at home I'm working the computer trying to find us other flights, everything in NH and Mass was either booked solid or so overpriced we couldn't afford it. So we ended up flying out of Hartford, CT. Yeah we had to make a three hour drive to start our vacation. But back up a bit, we also had to cancel our car rental since we wouldn't be there to pick it up, and we had a one day stay at a hotel to cancel too. And of course we have to make a new car rental reservation, but the hotel situation wasn't a problem since the rest of our vacation was staying FREE at a timeshare my sister owns.

Anyway, so far we have heard from the car rental that they refunded our money, but I don't know if the hotel charged us since we had a late cancellation. And really I'm not sure if Southwest even really refunded our money or is pulling a fast one and giving us "credit" with Southwest for a flight at a later date. They mumbled something about that and we told them absolutely not, we will never fly Southwest again, but that doesn't mean they didn't do it anyway. Waiting on our latest credit card bill to make sure we get our money from them.

So we finally make it to Florida. The weather was gorgeous with high temps in the mid 80's to low 90's, and sunny every day but one, when it was mostly sunny but we had a few showers in the afternoon. After a long New Hampshire winter this was heaven. Of course I got sunburn, but it wasn't the really painful bright red kind, although now my arms and legs are all peeling. I hate that! My sister's timeshare is at Orange Lake Resort and the place is beautiful and very roomy even though there was 7 of us in a two bedroom. We didn't go to any of the amusement parks, we just can't afford it and really shouldn't have even gone on this vacation. All we did is run up the credit card. We had sunshine and pools to keep everyone happy, this is what we really wanted. The kids are teens so a trip to Disney doesn't thrill them anymore, although I'm sure they wouldn't have turned down a day or two at Universal. They met and hung out with lots of teens from all over and even have some of them friended on their facebooks.

After a bad start basically a great vacation. Although...I do have more. I'm just pressed for time right now and will either just end here or come back with the rest later, if I find more time. Oh well, I wrote a lot more here than I thought I was going to already!

Transgender Day of Remembrance

2008-11-20T19:11:00.002-05:00

Queen Emily over at Sexual Ambiguities has a post up in honor of Transgender Day of Remembrance, please go read, "How to Mourn".

Little Light at Taking Steps reminds us of some statistics, trans people have a 1 in 12 chance of being murdered. Let that sink in. Understand why this day is so important. Read the rest, "The Quick and the Dead".

Monica Roberts at Transgriot has a list of names we must remember. She also has a more personal post, "Ten Years-400 Dead...and Counting" mixed with grief is hope.

But at the same time, I'm hopeful that with the increased media coverage of transgender people over the last year and a half combined with the upcoming change in presidential administration, we finally have the conditions in place to pass hate crimes and an inclusive ENDA.

They may be just laws to some of you, but for the transgender community they are literally life and death issues. They are symbols that we matter, our lives are respected and valued and when you read the 'We The People' in the Constitution's preamble, that includes transgender Americans as well. .

Piny at Feministe reminds us that everyone deserves to be remembered and honored in "Full Spectrum", not just those the mainstream cis people find "acceptable and non-threatening". The fact that anyone is unacceptable and threatening in any way might in fact be the reason so many are dying.

Read, learn, follow the links in the posts, and say a prayer not only in remembrance but for our future. We need to understand that we are all in this together and we need to love each other and care for more than our own narrow interests.

The Race To The Bottom

2008-11-19T23:34:00.003-05:00

I popped over to read at BFP's place where she has a post titled, Why we should stop conflating the “big 3″ with “Detroit”. As always, it's an excellent post and you should go read.

Her first link is to a post Jill has up at Feministe, We shouldn’t bail out Detroit.

I'm in agreement with BFP that you can't conflate the big three automakers with Detroit, first of all. And that we do have to bail them out, secondly. What people who are making the argument that we should just let a huge industry fail don't seem to understand is that it isn't just the one company that will go under. There are suppliers, and suppliers to the suppliers, and so on down the line. All of these businesses will suddenly have less money to pay their bills and their employees, they will lay off workers who will suddenly not have paychecks, they may not be able to pay their bills.
-There will be more mortgage defaults
-There will be defaults on other consumer loans (charge cards, auto loans, etc)
-Physicians, eye doctors, dentists, go unpaid
-Less groceries are bought
-Will the electric get paid, can heating oil be bought, water bill, trash pick-up?
-Cancel the cable, cell phones, no more restaurants, no more movies and other entertainment, etc

In other words there is a domino effect. First it is the auto workers, then it's the suppliers, then it's default on all sorts of loans (banks start laying off), then it is the businesses and service industry (these businesses go under), and we keep going as more and more people are laid off and more businesses go bankrupt.

This is why it's not just Detroit, just because their main plants are there doesn't mean those are the only ones. My uncle retired from Chevy in Buffalo, he earned his pension and deserves every cent. There are plants and suppliers in several other states and hundreds of cities and towns. I worked at a plastics plant in Meriden, CT that makes parts for Ford.

Over at Feministe there was one comment that made me so angry that I had to post. It was this:

# Sarah says:
November 19th, 2008 at 7:24 pm - Edit

I think the post hit the nail on the head with the comments about healthcare. No other major car-producing countries have to provide their works with health care. Health care is, undeniably, a huge cost for any employer. Also, while I am not advocating pay cuts or the low wages of foreign workers, I do think that there are plenty of people in this country who are overpaid. Like another poster mentioned, even an unskilled worker is expected to be paid $50,000 a year. Why on earth…? The reason people are losing jobs to immigrants is because they are asking for $15 an hour to pick apples while the immigrants will do it for $5. That’s what the job is worth. Yes, I think that people should be paid enough to survive, but I think in some cases it’s a little extreme. I think one of the unpleasant and ugly truths is that everyone, even assembly line workers, is paid too much in American auto companies. Not everyone belongs in middle America, and as far as I’m concerned, with only a high school diploma, there’s no way anyone should be making more than $30,000 a year. Sound cruel? Then I wonder why other countries are flourishing. People need to be paid to work hard, not because the union says they need to be paid this much or that much.

This is why I titled the post, the race to the bottom. The conservatives have done a marvelous job spreading their anti-worker propaganda in order to see this kind of comment on a progressive blog. It also shows how dismal an American education is when people don't have the slightest clue about the history of labor in this country. We are headed right back to the 19th century, with the Carnegies, Vanderbilts, Duponts, and Rockefellers making millions while paying workers pennies with no benefits, 12-16 hr days, 7 days a week. Heaven forbid they want a living wage that allows them to own a home, a car, eat three meals a day, and have some enjoyment of life. No the greedy fuckers should be grateful with for whatever value their "betters" choose to pay, living 3 families to a apartment in a rickety tenement, with a loaf of bread to share amongst them for the day. Once the super wealthy have squeezed all usefulness from them and left them a broken husk they can just die. This was the way it used to be.

How about we consider something like...oh I don't know, maybe management take a cut from their hundreds of thousands to millions in pay instead, especially when the business is faltering? No fucking bonuses, stock options, or golden parachutes for top management when they drive the business into the ground?

And how about instead of lowering our standards to countries who do pay their employees pennies for a days work, we force them to raise their standards, or we don't do business with them or pay a tariff or surcharge for doing business with us. Fair trade instead of free trade, anyone? Instead of saying that union workers don't deserve decent pay and benefits, we say instead that all workers deserve decent pay and benefits. All workers deserve a chance at a better life.

But...I do agree with Jill that something has got to change, if it doesn't it is throwing money into a black hole. Since it's obvious the idiots running the big three won't do it on their own, make the bail out contingent on manufacturing what consumers want and need, fuel efficient and green technology. Tell them anyone who accepts the money must decrease their percentage of gas guzzling humungo vehicles and increase the percentages of both their smaller fuel efficient lines as well as electric, hydrogen, biodiesel, or other alternative lines.

One last thing, I'm not angry with Sarah for saying what she did. I am angry with conservatives for their anti-union, anti-worker, pro-corporatist, pro-uber-wealth propaganda. I am angry with the media and liberal politicians who aren't fighting back and calling it out for the bullshit it is. I am angry with our educational system that wants us to forget history and be mindless robots for the wealthy and powerful at our own expense.

Update: More on unions and the auto industry at Huffington Post.

Labor Takes On Racism

2008-11-02T15:57:00.002-05:00

Here's an excellent write up from Politico on how labor unions are confronting racism head-on amongst their membership to get out the vote for Obama. Labor confronts race issue in blunt terms

And OMFG, the AFL-CIO means business. This video should have gone viral. This is the world I want to live in. It moved me so much that I cried while watching. Please watch then pass it on!

Oh Shit! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-18T00:55:00.003-04:00

Lisa over at Questioning Transphobia is having financial difficulties. She's having a hard enough time pulling together enough money to pay her regular bills, but now her computer is dying too. Most of you know what an awesome writer she is, so it's bad enough that her posts at QT and comments at our blogs will be missed, but she also does some freelance work at home on her computer. She needs a computer badly! Yes this economy sucks for all of us and alot of us don't have much, but go over to her place and give what you can, PLEASE! The donation button is in the sidebar. Also spread the word at your own blogs, livejournals, social networks. Thank you. Now on your mark, get set, GO!

Silly, cute, weird, funny....

2008-09-21T16:46:00.006-04:00

It's been months since I wrote anything here. It should be obvious I have writers block. I'm also tired of arguing, and negativity, and being unhappy. I'm also tired of politics. So what have I been doing when I do get online? In the past week I have been looking at anything silly, cute, weird, and/or funny I can find! And now, in order to get past my writers block, I will share my finds with you:

Most of my finds are videos, first for some cuteness...

The first is the Cuppycake Song, it's the cutest little voice singing with pictures of yummy cupcakes, because, I like yummy cupcakes. But if you don't, you can always watch the original video of the cute little girl recording the song.

I'm in 100% agreement with this kid. I don't really like you people, unless...

For my Latin@ friends, in honor of Hispanic Heritage Month. It's the One Semester of Spanish Love Song.

Want to hear more? You need to see and hear An Honest R&B Song, then! (Listen and watch the guy doing the background vocals, he's the best part.)

Update: even more! In comments Nadia recommends another "sexy" R&B song. It's Business Time!

KILLER KITTEN will horrify and terrorize you!

If that wasn't scary enough, ZOMBIES! SINGING ZOMBIES!

The internet disagrees with you!

Jesus wants you to ROCK OUT!

If you need to find out if your man is cheating then this is something that must be done...

A report on CNN about Lehman Bros bankruptcy, check out the guys behind the reporter.

This is getting pretty long. So I have decided I will break up my silly, cute, weird, and funny stuff into at least two posts, and maybe three. All these videos ought to keep anyone busy for awhile anyway (if anyone is still checking in here!)

Gimme Shelter

2008-06-16T19:30:00.002-04:00

I'm listening to the radio on the way to dropping off the kids at school when The Rolling Stones Gimme Shelter comes on. I don't really like the Stones with the exception of a few of their songs and this one is a favorite, so I want to post a YouTube video and share it, but what do I discover? Holy crap! TeacherDude did the coolest slideshow to go with the song, he's an amazing photographer and even if you don't want to hear the song, you just have to see these photographs of Greece. I met TeacherDude through DeviousDiva at one of her chats. Speaking of which I haven't been to one of those chats in awhile and now I want to go today!

I'd say, "Rock out!" but then you'd miss the slide show, so...SIT STILL! and check it out.

Your Whiteness Is Showing

2008-06-14T16:17:00.001-04:00

And you wonder why women of color have, for so long, thought (by and large) that white so-called feminists were phony as hell? Sister please...

Via Racialicious

Women of Color Want To Go To The AMC!

2008-05-15T14:28:00.014-04:00

I've got some updates, They'll be in red for those of you who have already read the post...

Thank you to everyone who donated so that I can keep my traction unit. I'm down to less than $100 to pay for it, and we can definitely scrape that together ourselves without much difficulty. You have no idea how relieved I am! I get to keep it! YAY!

But...there are others who need your help in the next few weeks, the Allied Media Conference is coming up and several bloggers are going but can't cover their expenses. The AMC is open to anyone of any age, race, ethnicity, etc, but is about alternative media and media justice. The focus is on marginalized communities and people having their opportunity to communicate to the world. This was a sticking point for many of us who went to WAM!, we felt like much of that conference was for people looking for "fame and fortune", the ones who already have an audience, who are being heard, but want to add to it and make a career out of it. They want more than just being a popular blogger, they want to also be a pundit or mainstream media personality, or have book contracts, or a gig with a big name magazine publisher. WAM! is all about capitalism and careerism, and the AMC is about being heard in the first place, just being heard. I think that's why it's so much more important as a conference to WOC and other marginalized communities. Do you see why it is so frustrating when white feminists project their desires on us, when they say, "You're just jealous!" of a book deal or popular blog, because they think everyone else wants fame and fortune just like them? This is what they hope to get out of blogging, for WOC we want to be heard and taken seriously and for people to be inspired to act on what we write. Media as a means of social justice is the goal.

Anyway, I know I've asked for my readers to help me out, now I am asking you to help out some others if you are able.

Little Light also needs your donations and she's getting a late start on the fundraising. So if you are able drop some change into her tip jar too. If this writing isn't worth a donation, I don't know what is: The Seam of Skin and Scales.

I stole the script for Sydette/BlackAmazon's paypal button from a cached copy of a webpage at Having Read the Fine Print, so that you can donate to get her to the AMC. Click the button and send her to Detroit!

Ms CripChick has reached her goal and is no longer fundraising. Thanks to everyone who donated!

Lex will be there! Please help her to cover some of the expenses.

Mamita Mala is going too, and wants to take her children. As I said, the AMC is for all ages, there are activities for the children to learn how to get their own message out. Give her a helping hand.

Noemi and Vicki are also fundraising for the AMC.

Tigera Consciente will be traveling to the AMC also. The Paypal button is a little ways down the sidebar, but it's there!

Kameelah is also going to the AMC and needs some help to get there.

Aaminah was planning on attending, but the last I heard she will be unable to go. If circumstances change I'll update this post.

The same is true for Sudy at A Womyn's Ecdysis, she will not be going. Instead she is going to the Philippines! I don't know if she is fundraising for that trip, and she doesn't have a paypal button on her site that I can find anyway. I will update when I find out more.

I just wanted to say one last thing. When I was fundraising I had some people apologize that their donations couldn't be more. Don't do that! Just think if 100 people are embarrassed that all they have is $5 to donate and don't do it, then the person fundraising still has ZERO dollars, but if they all gave $5 then the person fundraising has $500! Also my plan is to give something every week from what I have, it might not be much, but it helps, and I will choose a new person from the list to give to, or if I have something like 20 or 30 dollars, I might choose two and give $10 or $15 each. We have about 5 weeks to go until the AMC, let's see what we can do together to make sure that this trip isn't a hardship for any WOC to go.

I'm No Longer In Deep Doo Doo!

2008-05-11T15:22:00.004-04:00

YIPPEE! HURRAY! YAHOOOOOOOO! Thank you so much for your help everyone. I get to keep it! The fundraiser was a success and I only have to come up with just under $100 to pay for it, we can manage that. *whew* Again, thank you, thank you, thank you!

People who read my blog know that I have some sort of chronic ailment. I have 3 herniated discs and a bone spur which cause me pain most of the time, but usually it's manageable. When it first happened and I was in pain all the time I actually contemplated suicide, I didn't think I could live in pain like this all the time, but that was back in 2000 and my sons were still young and needed me, that's what convinced me to hold on. As time goes on you get "used to it", it sounds funny thinking that someone can get used to being in pain all the time, but you do. Even though the pain is sometimes worse than it was back then, I never think about suicide now, because I got used to it and find ways to manage my life around it.

While I was in Wisconsin my doctor became very concerned because my left arm was losing it's reflexes. You know how the doctor might test your knee with one of those little rubber mallets and it jumps? There are areas in the arm that can be tested like that, and mine didn't jump. The weird part is that my legs when tested jumped like crazy, almost kicking straight out. The doctor said that is a very bad sign, because when you lose the reflexes in one part of your body the other parts overcompensate. Anyway he wanted me to get bone graft fusions done on the two worst discs, I had already been to see one surgeon who was willing to do the surgery and was scheduled to see a second surgeon for a second opinion when my husband got the transfer to New Hampshire. There is no way I could have the surgery without him there to help me recover, so I put it on hold until I could get to NH.

When I went to see a surgeon here, he looked at my MRI's and questioned me about my pain, and refused to do the surgery. He said it wouldn't help since the worst of my pain was in the right side of my neck/back but everything that would be repaired would only fix the problems on my left side. Not only that but when he tested my reflexes in my left arm they were weak but they were back and my leg reflexes were normal. Instead he recommended I see a physiatrist. My physiatrist has been trying out a little bit of everything, I have 6 different prescriptions, plus I go to physical therapy three times a week, I've had trigger point injections, and I have a tens unit and the latest is a home traction unit.

The home traction unit is the problem here. I just got a bill from my insurance company and I found out we have a $500 deductible. I don't have frigging $500! I need this traction unit, when I do have pain or numbness on my left side it relieves it IMMEDIATELY. I have been so much better with my arm since going to physical therapy and using the home traction unit that my arm only rarely goes numb and probably only has pain a couple times a month, compared to every day when I started. Not only that, but I'm not sure if I can send it back. I don't want to send it back since I need it, but I don't have frigging $500!

I'm embarrassed and ashamed to be asking my readers to help me again so soon after I begged for funds for WAM! but I don't know what else to do. I'm especially embarrassed since I never did send personal thank yous to everyone who helped with the first fundraiser, I had been offline for nearly 3 weeks because of a flare up and still haven't caught up with everything online. Anyway, if you can help, with any amount no matter how small, it would be greatly appreciated. I'm pretty desperate here.

Spine-Health.com has alot more information about cervical spine herniations and injuries. Check out the video on the right, the reason I have three herniations is due to degenerative disc disease and that is what the video is about. The discs affected in my case are C4 through C7.

And the Gold Medal Goes to....

2008-05-11T02:08:00.002-04:00

Right from the horse's mouth, in USA Today Hillary Clinton said:

"I have a much broader base to build a winning coalition on," she said in an interview with USA TODAY. As evidence, Clinton cited an Associated Press article "that found how Sen. Obama's support among working, hard-working Americans, white Americans, is weakening again, and how whites in both states who had not completed college were supporting me."

"There's a pattern emerging here," she said.

That's right, she's convinced that whites are racist and will not vote for a black man, but sexism isn't a problem here at all, they will vote for a white woman. So Gloria Steinem, Robin Morgan, Erica Jong et al can just shut their mouths about sexism being the worst oppression because their heroine has just awarded the Gold in the Oppression Olympics to racism.

Unfortunately for her, I believe she is wrong and the racists she is courting are also sexists, because they are Republicans. They are giving her a boost in the primaries but when it comes right down to it her white working class Archie Bunkers will vote for the white guy in the general. I also believe this is why so many of her supporters say they will not vote for Obama if she isn't the candidate, because some of them are Limbaugh's operation chaos monkeys, and others would prefer an election where they have the choice of two Republicans and Hillary Clinton is a right of center DLC corporate stooge. If you want a Republican, why vote for the Republican-lite candidate though? They won't vote for Obama, but they also won't vote for Clinton in the general.

For more reading:
Bob Herbert at the NYT- Seeds of Destruction

Eugene Robinson at WaPo- The Card Clinton Is Playing

Derrick Z Jackson at the Boston Globe- Clinton's diminishing of black voters

Can't Afford a New Pair of Glasses?

2008-05-01T00:17:00.002-04:00

Now you can! I'm surfing my bookmarks and get over to Soapbox Blog and CLD has gotten herself a new pair of prescription sunglasses for $27 including shipping! "No freaking way!", I thought but, yeah, it's true. She tried out Zenni Optical and a commenter says that she and her husband have bought glasses there with no problems too. So with the cost of gas, home heating/cooling, groceries, everything going sky high and killing your budget you might have thought that you would have to wear the same old pair of glasses until they break (and then tape 'em) because it would be one more thing you can't afford. Well now it looks like you can! Too cool.

Speaking of saving money on prescriptions, I've heard that the best prices for prescription medicines is through Costco online and I heard you don't have to be a member. I heard this years ago so you might want to double check that by contacting them, it still might be worth it to join if you see that you'll save big.

If anyone has any other ideas for saving money leave a comment and I'll add to the post.

Tashina General

2008-04-29T00:46:00.004-04:00

Sadly the police have found the remains of Tashina General in a shallow grave on the Six Nations Reserve in Ontario. She was four months pregnant when she went missing on January 22 of this year. Pray for her family and friends.

Update: Tashina General's funeral was on Tuesday. May she rest in peace. It has been determined that she was strangled. An ex-boyfriend Kent Owen-Hill has been charged with her murder. Her body was discovered on land owned by Owen-Hill's father.

The Best of WAM!

2008-04-03T23:59:00.004-04:00

I started this post soon after the last two about WAM! I wanted to highlight the blogs of the women I met at WAM! and what they had to say about the experience. It appears that I won't be able to link to either BFP or Sydette's posts anymore since they have decided to leave blogging behind. I don't blame them and consider it a possibility myself some days. I am still sorry that I didn't get to honor their words in a small way before they left. I'm also adding a few WAM! posts that I missed the first time around instead of updating the first blog post.

I am also sorry that I haven't had the time to thank those who helped get me to WAM! in the first place. I have chronic pain from herniated discs in my neck and had a really bad flare up soon after the conference. I had been unable to sit at a computer for longer than about 15 minutes without being in terrible pain, so I didn't. I do want you to know that your donations were greatly appreciated, more than you can know since I had the chance to meet so many wonderful women who I only knew from my computer screen before. There is some money left in my paypal account, I had hoped to use it to go to the AMC conference in Detroit but that seems unlikely now. Instead I will be donating it to the women who are going. Again, thank you!

Now I will link to those who have written about WAM! that I missed the first two times around!

Roni has an update - WAM! - The Day After After :The Bad

Sudy's video of WOC at WAM! I'm at about 1:19 on the far left, I'm looking at and listening to BA (with my hair flopping in my face...yep I need to get my hair cut!), and Octogalore in the center of the frame. I think that is BFP with her back turned to the camera. The two smiling and waving at the end of the video are Lex and Nadia. Sudy also has a whole bunch of posts about the conference that covers everything! One, two, three, four, five, six.

Katie aka Wifey has her own blog. She has her WAM! Wrap-up in two parts, first and second.

Adele has a short post about WAM! and promises a longer one. And now here is the longer one! In the comments of the longer WAM! Recap post, Jill had many questions and Adele chose to answer them in a separate post, which is here. Also, in my last WAM! post I mentioned a WOC writer who worked hard on a project and was treated badly, Adele steps forward, she is the writer.

Octogalore's post about WAM!

Jill's (of Feministe) post about WAM!

Love this post by Jessica Hoffman.

Lisa Jervis and Debbie Rasmussen at Bitch Magazine have their takes on WAM!

Brittany's post on why she did not attend WAM! even though she lives in Boston.

This has nothing to do with WAM! I used to play my sons pokemon games for him to build up his pokemon so he could take on the gym leaders, so this gave me a laugh.

RWOC At WAM!

2008-04-01T13:47:00.007-04:00

I was excited to go to WAM! to meet all these women I have grown to love, and was not disappointed.

I warned Sydette/BlackAmazon that I would hug the stuffin' outta her when we meet, and she turned the tables on me! My hands were full so she hugged the stuffin' outta me! Then I met Sudy, Nadia, Wifey, Lex, BfP, and Adele. During lunch everyone was discussing their thoughts about the conference so far, and I was thinking, we need to have a video camera on Sudy at all times. She has the most expressions of any person, so you could see her going from joy, to surprise, to concern, to laughter, etc all in the space of a few minutes. And with the discussion going on, it would have made a great Femwatch video! Not only that, but Sudy wasn't saying very much but when she did say something it was always something humorous.

There had already been a few upsetting moments, like another older white feminist telling women to vote with their vagina, and that in the oppression olympics, sexism wins the gold compared to racism's silver. Yeah, Helen Thomas went there.

There was a completely fucked up thing that happened and I wish it was my story to tell, but suffice it to say, a WOC worked hard on a project only to show it to someone and have that person treat her badly. This isn't a matter of opinion, where this white woman just didn't like the project, she did like it, but let the WOC know that her work isn't as important or valued as the work of white women with which she is familiar. Hearing that story is the moment BA threw a chair and went looking for that woman. (At this moment Sudy is busy eating but looks up alarmed and says, "I hope she doesn't crush too many white women.")

As I said in my last post, I got something to say about Stata Center being the main building. Well...on Saturday afternoon Sudy scheduled a lunch caucus for the RWOC and surprise, surprise, the room that we were supposed to be in was double booked. They were showing a movie in the room we should have been caucusing in, so who do you think got first dibs on the room? OF COURSE it's the radical women of color who got shunted off to the side, and we were put in a completely different building. Not only that, but when Sudy went to ask the organizers what was going on, they argued with her, instead of checking on what she was telling them, they told her that it was impossible for the room to be double booked. Like she was lying to give them a hard time! By the time we got our room they had wasted 30 minutes of our 1 hour time limit to caucus, and because it was not only moved to a different room but a different building, any women who weren't already with us and wanted to caucus couldn't find it. After lunch we find out that We B(e)lo(n)g is in that same building, not the Stata Center. I'm surprised they didn't just stick us in a closet, except it wouldn't look good in their "diversity" pictures for their website. Yeah they sent in photographers and videographers to show the happy brown people. BlackAmazon said she could hardly bear it, every time she looked around there seemed to be someone with the hostile stare, or the curious stare, or the incredulous stare. She felt like she was on display and wasn't welcome as a human being but more like a specimen to study. But their hostility didn't stop them from taking their "diversity" pictures of her.

We B(e)lo(n)g was a room full of love and laughter and triumph over the pain and bitterness. It was meant to be interactive with all of us introducing ourselves and telling our wishes. There was some powerful, beautiful, and fabulous wishes. One young woman was from Boston and while I don't remember what she said verbatim her wish was something like, "I wish you could all stay here and we could do this all the time." I know what she means. Finally we are the majority, finally we are with women who understand us, and feel like we do.

In the final days before WAM!, Lex, Nadia, Sudy, and BA all got nervous about their session. Their fear was that white women would be there to disrupt and challenge, but it didn't happen. That was a huge relief. But there was also disappointment mixed with that. Of course white women were welcome as respectful observers and participants, but very few came. It meant alot to us that Octogalore of Astarte's Circus, and Jill of Feministe were there.

Later we decided we needed to decompress and just be, so we all crowded into my mom-mobile (I drive a minivan) and Sudy was the chauffeur. (I'd already gotten lost twice in Cambridge and I wasn't going to drive those crazy streets if I didn't have to!) We went back to Sudy's place and she and Adonis know how to make a person feel welcome. They took care of the bunch of us and made sure we were comfortable and fed.

While there I found out a little more about everyone. Nadia is beautiful and kind hearted, and comes alive when we're plotting and scheming. Really what I mean is if we were talking about planning projects and sharing ideas that was when she would light right up. Lex is intimidating and scary *snicker*, or so someone thought, but really if you look up love in the dictionary you'll find her picture there for the definition. BfP will talk forever if you let her. I mean this in a good way, there are no awkward silences when she is around, and she is knowledgeable about everything. It sounds like I'm saying she won't let anyone else get a word in edgewise, and that is NOT what I mean. If there was a lull in the conversation she knew how to fill it and always had interesting ideas and observations to share. Every one of us was joyous to be together, but I thought that Adele radiated happiness to be there with so many of us WOC bloggers in one spot. Wifey reminds me of a brilliant version of Drew Barrymore, she is even bubbly like her. There were no surprises with Sydette, she really is like the person you know from her blog. She can be bouncing with glee or furious when someone she loves is hurt and she is all brains! I've already described Sudy earlier, she is the actress from her videos, only it's not an act.

This has gotten way longer than I expected. So it looks like I will be writing another WAM! Report linking to all the bloggers I am talking about here and their posts on WAM! so check back later.

WAM! Round-Up

2008-04-01T08:06:00.006-04:00

There are alot of people who are blogging WAM! so it's hard for me to know where to start! So I'll just get on with it.

I met Shark Fu of Angry Black Bitch and the name of her blog is all wrong. She was happy and engaging. Not only that but while describing her experiences blogging, you got the impression that she has alot of patience and hope. You want to sidle up to her and say, "Hi, will you be my BFF?" I like her post about WAM! because she doesn't just describe what happened there, she also talks about what she brought to the conference from her life experiences and what she is taking away and using in her work.

I met all three of the bloggers from Racialicious. It is such a cool thing to be able to put faces to the names of the people you have been reading and responding to online. Wendi and Latoya were both at We B(e)lo(n)g which was a very audience centered session, therefore I had a chance to see and hear more from them than if we had been at some of the other more lecture style panels. They were both excited to share their ideas and interested in hearing from everyone else. I also saw them later at the QWOC party and met Carmen there too. Unfortunately by that time of the night I wasn't feeling very well and was no where near the life of the party. So I didn't mingle as much as I should have. (I have a chronic condition that mostly gets worse in the evening, with unpredictable flare-ups during the day sometimes too.)

Wendi gives her impressions of WAM! at The Coup Magazine.

Latoya has more to say about it at Racialicious.

(Go say congratulations to Latoya, she is now an editor at Racialicious!)

Jen Angel at Aid and Abet has a post describing her experiences. (Update: I misunderstood something Jen said and made an ass of myself. I've removed that part because being an ass is embarrassing. Jen, I'm sorry about that!)

Amanda has a great photograph of the...um...main building the conference was in, the MIT Stata Center. She also discusses her session on reproductive rights. I have more to say about that main building thing later.

Jennifer Pozner of Women in News & Media (WIMN) gives a description of her session on Strategies for Making Change.

A few bloggers are giving a more comprehensive look at the sessions they attended:

Roni, at Viva La Feminista, has some good posts describing the sessions she attended.

---WAM! Friday Recap

---WAM! - We B(e)lo(n)g: Womyn of Color & Online Feminism

---WAM! - FACT-UP Fact Check, Research, & Think Critically like a Radical Librarian

---WAM! - Sunday Morning Sessions

---WAM! - Sunday Late Morning Sessions

---WAM! - The Day After: The Good.

I met Roni at We B(e)lo(n)g panel, when she and Liza from Culture Kitchen tackled BrownFemiPower. Love hurts, man! I recommend BfP wears padding and a helmet like a football player when she goes to conferences.

Amber Rhea did a wonderful job live blogging the sessions she attended, with some amazing new software called Cover It Live.

---WAM!2008 Saturday

---Dacia’s Sex Work and Media Representation session

---WAM!2008: Growing Independent Media in a Time of Shrinking Resources

---WAM!2008: How to Get Heard: The Art of Strategic Communication with Editors

---WAM!2008: YouthSpeak! The Present & Future of Online Media & Activism

Jill at Writes Like She Talks also used Cover It Live to live blog the sessions she attended.

---Live blogging Helen Thomas keynote address WAM!2008

---Live-blogging Haifa Zangana, former prisoner of Iraqi regime, WAM!2008

---Live-blogging Creating Sustainable Media, WAM!2008

---Live-blog: Here We Go Again: Bad Stories About Women That Never Die, WAM!2008

---Live-blog: Analysis of Media Coverage of Hillary Clinton & Presidential Election, WAM!2008

Hugo has three posts, to round out his impressions of the conference.

---Helen Thomas and a Short First Night WAM Report

---Abortion, Media, Sex Work and Pink Polo Shirts: WAM Day Two, final take

---Final WAM notes, with some thoughts on changing attitudes towards male feminists

Kay Steiger has four posts describing her impressions

---Helen Thomas Misses the Mark (Thank you, Kay, for writing this post.)

---Haifa Zangana on Iraq at WAM!

---WAM!: Reproductive Rights/Justice Framework

---WAM!: Race in the Blogosphere

Vanessa at Feministing did some live blogging on a couple of panels

---Live Blogging at WAM! Breaking the Frame: Revitalizing and Redefining Reproductive Rights Media Coverage

---Live Blogging at WAM! Battling Backlash: Strategies for Fighting Back, Rising Above and Making Progress

Roy at No Cookies for Me also has a couple of posts about the people he met (Like the fabulous Nadia of No Snow Here) and his panel about online gaming.

---WAM! Report...

---WAM! session thoughts...

Oh I've got more. I'm saving my impressions about WAM! and more about the WOC decompressing and brainstorming session we had at Sudy's for my next post.

Too Little Too Late

2008-03-28T08:31:00.002-04:00

Some Clinton supporters are pointing out that Hillary said this:

Clinton was asked by a questioner in the audience here what she would tell frustrated Democrats who might consider voting for McCain in the general election out of spite.

“Please think through this decision,” Clinton said, laughing and emphasizing the word “please.”

“It is not a wise decision for yourself or your country.”

...

“First of all, every time you have a vigorous contest like we are having in this primary election people get intense,” she continued. “You know, Sen. Obama has intense support. I have intense support.”

Clinton stressed that there are “significant” differences between her and Obama, but said “those differences pale to the differences between us and Sen. McCain.”

“I intend to do everything I can to make sure we have a unified Democratic party,” she said. “When this contest is over and we have a nominee, we’re going to close ranks, we’re going to be united.”

Be serious. Clinton, her campaign, and her supporters have been saying that Obama is an empty suit, all he has is one speech in 2002, that McCain is the one with experience, that McCain is the one who is patriotic, that McCain is the one who loves his country. They have somehow managed to make Obama into the worst misogynist who ever was born. After sucking up to McCain for months and talking up how much better he is than Obama, now it was just politics? And her supporters are supposed to vote for Obama after he has been demonized and McCain has been sainted by her campaign? Oh sure, they're going to vote for the shucking, jiving, drug dealing, undercover Muslim (terrorist!), jew hating, anti-American, anti-choice, wanting to start a race war with his reverend, empty suit, misogynist candidate.

Thanks for nothing, Hillary, after you and Bill planted your lips all over McCain's ass now you tell us, "Oops we didn't mean it".

OMG! WAM!

2008-03-26T20:53:00.004-04:00

WAM! is coming up fast. It's this weekend already. I'm getting very excited and just a little...concerned...oh alright! I'm a little scared and nervous! I will finally be meeting the amazing and wonderful Sydette, BrownFemiPower, Sudy, Lex, and Nadia; who are all presenters at WAM! While they are doing their thing you will probably find me hanging off of Octogalore, because she is confident and I am not, regardless of the persona you know on the internet. As I explained in the past, my meds make me a tad airheaded, and I get tongue-tied easily, which is why I love a written medium like blogging so much because I have more time to think of what I want to say than in person. (That doesn't necessarily mean I do use the time wisely to think things through before I begin typing...lol)

I want to thank everyone who contributed to my fundraiser. I have the best readers and friends online. I expect to thank most of the contributors in person, but some will be getting written thank you notes since they won't be attending WAM! Thank you, thank you, thank you again everyone!

Ok I Went and Did It!

2008-03-19T16:47:00.002-04:00

I am registered for WAM! Remember, Octogalore is the one who is making me go, so if you hear on the news that some Native American woman caused a riot in Boston, don't blame me, it's all her fault!

Thank you so much for your donation, Octo, you're a sweetheart!

And now on to begging from the rest of you all...

I only planned on being in Boston for a few hours and budgetted for gas, tolls, and parking for that, but now that I will be travelling back and forth all three days I'll be needing a bit more. This is my fundraiser post for WAM! If you would like to help me out with some of the expenses, there is a "donate" button to Paypal in the sidebar. Whatever you can donate would be greatly appreciated.

I don't know if I will live blog during the panels, I might wait until afterwards, but I'll definitely blog about the goings on at WAM! So keep an eye out for that the weekend of March 28-30.

People Are Making Me Do Stuff!

2008-03-17T05:38:00.002-04:00

OMG! Octogalore has generously sent me some money to go to the WAM! Conference at the end of this month. She is making me go! I was already intending on going to Boston for a day trip to meet her and some of the other bloggers who will be there, but now I will be there for all three days. Take this as fair warning that I will be doing a small fundraiser since I will still need some money for meals, gas, tolls, and parking. I live about an hour and a half away from Boston so will drive back and forth...you all know what gas prices are like! I still have to set up a paypal account first though, I can't even collect Octo's donation until I do. LOL

The other one who is making me do stuff is R.Mildred. She is using my blogroll as her blogroll too, so I felt guilty enough to update and add some important bloggers who I was too lazy to add before. Like that Problem Chylde with her fingers of oppression (Yeah the joke is getting old, but it still makes me laugh out loud, and will continue bringing it up until it doesn't make me laugh out loud!)...and fix broken links or remove some who are no longer blogging or haven't updated in months. Yeah I know there are more in there, some I just can't let go and hope they come back to blogging, like Nubian.

Further Update on the Harrington/Battle Missing Children

2008-03-12T09:23:00.003-04:00

Update: In the comments Elle informs me that sadly the father did take the childrens lives and his own. Their bodies were found today in his car, which was hidden in a wooded area behind an industrial park in their hometown. My own children are my world and from what I have seen of Agena Battle, her children are her world too. She must be suffering unimaginable heartbreak. Please send healing thoughts and prayers out to her.

Also in the comments Donna Darko asks if enough people are checking Black and Missing, since every day up to seven more people go missing. So be sure to check there regularly, you may recognize one of the missing persons and be able to take the necessary steps to have them reunited with their families.

Update: Eddie Harrington sent a letter to his father telling him that he intends to kill the children. It is urgent that these kids are found NOW. The most likely way that will happen is someone driving, someone working at a gas station, or restaurant, or hotel/motel will recognize the description of the car and look in and see Harrington and the children and call 911. That is why it is so imperative that this information be spread far and wide to give the most people possible the chance to recognize what is going on and get help for these children immediately. I am asking anyone who reads this to post about these missing kids on their blogs including the description of the car. Please DO IT! These are just little babies and they need our help to be found and returned unharmed to their mother.

Deidra has been all over this story over at Black and Missing but Not Forgotten. Please link to her site for all kinds of information and updates.

Children Missing From Georgia

2008-03-11T00:08:00.008-04:00

Please take a good look at the following photographs. These children were taken from their home in the middle of the night on March 5th by their father, Eddie Harrington. In a note he left for his girlfriend, Agena Battle, he said he didn't want to live and he also said that taking the children with him would make her happy. Naturally everyone is frightened that he might harm himself and the children. The family had just moved to Columbus, Georgia six months earlier from Indianapolis, Indiana. It is believed that Eddie may be headed back to Indiana. There have been sightings of the father and children in Tennessee. They are travelling in a dark green 2002 Chevy Impala with a cracked windshield and Indiana licence plate number 93-L4740. Sylvia has much more information please go read the post there.

Aliyah Battle, 23 months (twin to Agena)

Agena Battle, 23 months (twin to Aliyah)

Sedrick Harrington, 3 years

Eddie Harrington, 27 years old. He has recently shaved his head and wears glasses.

White Women Feminism - There They Go Again

2008-03-06T02:57:00.004-05:00

I got an email from the wonderful Elle PhD to alert me to the latest white women feminist shenanigans being reported at the Washington Post: To Women, So Much More Than Just a Candidate. Of course by women they mean the default women, middle to upper class white women, with some ageism thrown in for good measure since they show little respect for the decision making abilities of younger women too.

The first part of the article tells us that Clinton is not bringing in the crowds. Clinton's feminist contingent is not pleased that all of us vagina owners will not vote for the vagina candidate. Seriously, see if any of them mention any other reason why we should vote for Clinton. Some feminist from NOW says, "There are some people who promote Barack Obama because they want anybody but a woman. Would they like a white man instead of a black man? Of course. But they'll take a black man over a woman. I never thought, in 2008, that we'd still be dealing with this." Too bad the reporter didn't ask why Clinton wasn't running against Edwards instead of Obama then, I mean if all we want is a white penis candidate, we had our chance.

Then WaPo tells us: "As Wagner and other NOW executives toured Ohio last week, they repeated a resounding message: Clinton has been mistreated by an opponent who subtly demeans her, by a mainstream media that ridicules her, by voters too threatened to vote for a confident woman, by young women who no longer feel the urgency of the women's movement, by African American women for whom race is more important than gender." My head hurts. I'll let bark, bugs, leaves, and lizards handle this... and one of those...er...ingrates wants to put a bit of a exclamation point on what she finds important.

I gotta agree with her. I guess I'm an ingrate too. Some dude making a wisecrack for you to get in the kitchen, or worse, another dude pulling out a chair for you, damn, life is so hard! "...they just as often ended up commiserating about how sexism -- "the worst of the 'isms,' " they said here -- continues to thrive." Those middle to upper class, middle aged to elderly, white women have it worse than anyone else in the world. I'm just weeping for their hardships.

And you just gotta love their blatant racist, Moresky said. "I think a lot of women are really in shock about it, and they're going to feel gypped if she loses. Barack will still be another man in charge."

Did anyone else laugh out loud when they read this part? "Wagner said she never expected gender to become a determinant in this election." I don't think they are campaigning on much else lately.

"During the NOW tour across Ohio, the makeup of each audience was almost exclusively white, middle-age women, many of whom had joined the organization in the late 1960s or 1970s." People vote for who they think can best represent them. I understand perfectly well why this demographic is excited for Hillary Clinton, is showing up at her rallies, and is voting for her. But for some of us having a vagina isn't enough, because she will be voting for white, middle aged, middle class interests. Not to mention corporate lobbyist interests, and starting wars to prove she's as tough as the guys, which I hear is her excuse for her Iraq War vote. She would have to...lemme see...how about tell us what she is going to do for young people, to earn their votes; tell us what she plans to do for WOC, to earn our votes; you know, make us believe she gives a shit about us instead of taking us for granted and acting like she is entitled to be President because she is Bill Clinton's wife...and is a WOMAN, did you catch that? She's a WOMAN! It's the bestest reason in he whole wide world to vote for a candidate.

A couple other interesting posts about this article:
Hillary Clinton Feminists

Just Stop Before I Really Get Pissed

The Fierce Urgency of NOW

Oh and here's something else interesting at SeibuOne.

Clinton’s relentlessly negative campaign of the last week seems to have worked. For now. But it looks like Obama’s campaign is ready to answer back. David Axelrod, Obama’s campaign manager explains:

“We have not hesitated to draw distinctions between the candidates,” he said, ”and we’ll continue to do that. If Sen. Clinton wants to take the debate to various places, we’ll join that debate. We’ll do it on our terms and in our own way, but if she wants to make issues like ethics and disclosure and lawfirms and real estate deals and all that stuff issues, as I’ve said before I don’t know why they’d want to go there, but I guess that’s where they’ll take the race.”

But is Obama willing to go there?

“We’re willing to draw distinctions that are honest and legitimate,” Axelrod said before raising the issue of Clinton’s tax returns and the records from the Clinton library.

The Republicans are loving this.

and from the first time she pulled this:

“I have a lifetime of experience I will bring to the White House. I know Senator McCain has a lifetime of experience he will bring to the White House. And Senator Obama has a speech he made in 2002.”

This is so utterly and completely self-destructive, short-minded and cynical. You don’t do this sort of thing in a primary.

If Hillary wants to compare her record to Obama’s, then fine. But to flat out say that the Republican nominee is more prepared than the overwhelming favorite to win the Democratic nomination is just astounding in its selfishness.

The message here? Screw the Democratic party, screw the election in November, if Hillary can’t be president, then no Democrat should be able to.

but no, she does it again:

Fallows reports:

In a live CNN interview just now, Sen. Clinton repeated, twice, the “Sen. McCain has a lifetime of experience, I have a lifetime of experience, Sen. Obama has one speech in 2002″ line. By what logic, exactly, does a member of the Democratic party include the “Sen. McCain has a lifetime of experience” part of that sentence?

There is Both Acceptance and Racism in New Hampshire

2008-03-02T13:12:00.002-05:00

Since I've been in New Hampshire I've found the mostly white population to be friendly and accepting. I did my grocery shopping last week and while waiting at the deli to get some sandwich meats two men started chatting me up, which would have freaked me out a few months back, but I have come to see as normal but slightly amusing. I've never known people who are this friendly to strangers, and especially "different" looking strangers. I don't want to leave the impression that people in other states are uniformly hostile because they aren't, but this is different than someone seeing I am ordering a certain brand of meats or cheeses and saying, "I wanted to try that but wasn't sure if my family would like it." or something like that. One of the guys was telling me about his dog, the other was cracking jokes, like I'm an old friend of the family.

Unfortunately, everywhere you go in the US, there has to be racists to taint things and it's no different here. A couple weeks back several black students at St. Paul's School in Concord received threatening letters. The scariest part is that the letters appear to have been sent by someone with access to the school's records since they were addressed to the individual students in their names. The school, the Concord Police, and the FBI are investigating the incident and hopefully soon will find out who did it and arrest them. There is more information in the article at the Concord Monitor.

St. Paul's is at the western edge of Concord and to avoid traffic when I go to my doctor's office I take the highway and then cut through St. Paul's instead of driving through the downtown area of Concord. Traffic is just ridiculous here and certain times of the day (rush hour) it's just plain gridlock. So I know this campus, it's like a small college. The interesting thing to me is that even though St. Paul's is private, there are public schools like this in New Hampshire. We looked at a couple other towns before settling on the town we now live in, and Londonderry and Pembroke's public high schools are both academies and look like small college campuses. There are probably others I don't know about. I guess mostly I have to say that it really saddens me that some ignorant vicious fool is trying to ruin the camaraderie at St. Paul's. When you drive through you can see how diverse the school population is and see the groups of kids walking, talking, playing on the sports field and as friendly and accepting of each other as those two men at the deli counter were with me.

A History of Racism

2008-03-01T03:03:00.002-05:00

Cassandra Says...what I wish I had said!

At least Apostate is consistent. She doesn't want inconvenient history to be acknowledged, whether it is Planned Parenthood's or her own, so she nuked the posts where she was showing her ass.

You still need to read Sydette/BlackAmazon's responses to it.
Know What Fuck Off and Yeah Right No.

Andrea Smith is Denied Tenure at The University of Michigan

2008-02-29T22:23:00.002-05:00

I bet you thought that headline had to be some sort of bad joke on my part. I was incredulous when I heard about this too. You would think the University of Michigan would be desperate to retain a professor of her caliber at their institution. There are students who applied to the University of Michigan specifically because Andrea Smith is there, to be taught by her. She's molded minds and changed lives. Her books are used in universities around the world, but her own university doesn't want her.

This is the statement released by students and faculty at U of M in support of Andrea Smith. Take note of the numerous valuable contributions she has made and simply the vastness of her work and knowledge. The text in red is important, please show your support for Andrea Smith, please take the time to write an email and address it to those email addresses.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE February 25, 2008
Statement of University of Michigan Students and Faculty in Support of Andrea Smith’s Tenure Case
CONTACT: TenureForAndreaSmith@gmail.com

On February 22nd, 2008, University of Michigan’s College of Literature, Science and the Arts (LSA) issued a negative tenure recommendation for Assistant Professor Andrea Lee Smith. Jointly appointed in the Program in American Culture and the Department of Women’s Studies, Dr. Smith’s body of scholarship exemplifies scholarly excellence with widely circulated articles in peer-reviewed journals and numerous books in both university and independent presses including Native Americans and the Christian Right published this year by Duke University Press. Dr. Smith is one of the greatest indigenous feminist intellectuals of our time. A nominee for the 2005 Nobel Peace Prize, Dr. Smith has an outstanding academic and community record of service that is internationally and nationally recognized. She is a dedicated professor and mentor and she is an integral member of the University of Michigan (UM) intellectual community. Her reputation and pedagogical practices draw undergraduate and graduate students from all over campus and the nation.

Dr. Smith received the news about her tenure case while participating in the United States’ hearings before the Convention on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination at the United Nations in Geneva, Switzerland. Ironically, during those very same hearings, the 2003 U.S. Supreme Court decisions that restricted affirmative action policies at UM specifically were cited as violations of international law. At the same time, there is an undeniable link between the Department of Women’s Studies and LSA’s current tenure recommendations and the long history of institutional restrictions against faculty of color. In 2008, students of color are coming together to protest the way UM’s administration has fostered an environment wherein faculty of color are few and far between, Ethnic Studies course offerings have little financial and institutional support, and student services for students of color are decreasing each year.

To Support Professor Andrea Smith: The Provost must hear our responses! Write letters in support of Andrea Smith’s tenure case. Address email letters to ALL of the following:

* Teresa Sullivan, Provost and Executive VP for Academic Affairs, LSA, tsull@umich.edu
* Lester Monts, Senior Vice Provost for Academic Affairs, LSA, lmonts@umich.edu
* Mary Sue Coleman, President, PresOff@umich.edu
* TenureForAndreaSmith@gmail.com

Voice your ideas on the web forum at http://www.woclockdown.org/

To Support Women of Color at Michigan and the Crisis of Women’s Studies and Ethnic Studies: Attend the student organized March 15th Conference at UM!!!! Campus Lockdown: Women of Color Negotiating the Academic Industrial Complex is free and open to the public. Speakers include renowned activists and scholars Piya Chatterjee, Angela Davis, Rosa Linda Fregoso, Ruthie Gilmore, Fred Moten, Clarissa Rojas, and Haunani-Kay Trask. For more information and to register, visit: http://www.woclockdown.org/.

TALKING POINTS YOU CAN USE IN YOUR SUPPORT LETTER:
• Smith is author of the following books:
o Conquest: Sexual Violence and American Indian Genocide
o Native Americans and the Christian Right: The Gendered Politics of Unlikely Alliances
o Sacred Sites, Sacred Rites
• Smith is editor and/or co-editor of the following anthologies:
o Color of Violence: The INCITE! Anthology
o The Revolution Will Not Be Funded: Beyond the Non-Profit Industrial Complex
o Native Feminisms Without Apology
o Forthcoming on theorizing Indigenous Studies
• She has published 15 peer reviewed articles in widely circulated academic journals
including American Quarterly, Feminist Studies, National Women’s Studies Association Journal, Hypatia, Meridians, and the Journal of Feminist Studies in Religion
• Smith is the recipient of numerous prestigious awards from organizations such as the Lannan Foundation, University of Illinois, Gustavus Myers Foundation, Ford Foundation
• Smith was cited in the U.S. Non-Governmental Organization Consolidated Shadow Report to the United Nations
• A co-founder of Incite! Women of Color Against Violence and the Chicago chapter of Women of All Red Nations, she has been a key thinker behind large-scale national and international efforts to develop remedies for ending violence against women beyond the criminal justice system. As a result of her work, scholars, social service providers, and community-based organizations throughout the United States have shifted from state-focused efforts to more systemic approaches for addressing violence against women. In recognition of her contributions, Smith was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in 2005.
• As of June 2007, Professor Smith’s book, Conquest: Sexual Violence and American Indian Genocide (2005) had sold over 8,000 copies. Three-fourths of these sales have gone to college and university courses. In addition, the leading Native studies organization, Native American and Indigenous Studies Association organized a special panel about this book at their last annual conference (2007). The international impact of Conquest is evidenced by its reprinting in Sami (Sweden) and in Maori Institutions in New Zealand; by Professor Smith’s invitation to participate in an academic workshop in Germany based on the book; and by the book’s frequent use in Native Studies classrooms in Canada.
• She has also played a key role in contributing social-justice based research, teaching, and community building at the University of Michigan.
• Under Andrea Smith’s mentorship, a large number of undergraduate and graduate students have grown as intellectual members of the UM’s campus community.

FACTS FOR DR. ANDREA SMITH’S TENURE CASE
• Her intellectual work contributes to the fields of Native American Studies, Women’s and Gender Studies, Ethnic Studies, Religious Studies, and American Studies.
• Smith is jointly appointed in the Program in American Culture and the Department of Women’s Studies at Michigan.
• The Program in American Culture gave a positive recommendation for Smith’s tenure, while the Department of Women’s Studies gave a negative recommendation. After the tenure recommendations were released from the two departments, the College of Literature, Sciences, and the Arts reviewed the tenure file and also gave a negative tenure recommendation.
• She is currently the Director of Native American Studies at Michigan.

RavenMN Revealed!

2008-02-10T21:26:00.000-05:00

Petitpoussin found a video of RavenMN at work in the bookstore posted at YouTube which you all must see! I'm not sure, but I think she's the blonde...

Oh and I'm baaaaaaaaaack!

I'm Outta Here!

2008-02-02T02:05:00.000-05:00

Thoz fingurz ov opreshun skeer mee! I runz fasd frum heer!

Even though Sylvia is morphing into the oppressor and that is scary, I'm really just heading out for a week of vacation with my sisters. I thought I would have internet while there but just found out that I won't, so you won't be hearing from me until next weekend some time.

*blowing kisses* Laterz!

Sylvia Kitteh Sez...

2008-02-01T19:43:00.000-05:00

Mai fingurz uv opreshun

Let me show u them

GRRR...the picture is supposed to be animated but blogger is messing that up. See the animated pic here.

Do You Get The Satire?

2008-01-30T22:25:00.000-05:00

If you are a regular reader here you probably will understand Sylvia's latest post, on the other hand, maybe you won't. I'm sending you over there to check it out and hope you'll play along there, and give an opinion or two over here too. I'm loving it in my bitterly laughing way.

Y’all can’t handle the truth -or- NOW doesn’t represent ME now!

and for something related I will send you over to visit Sydette aka BlackAmazon.

IF you think it's about you it probably is

Co-optation, Appropriation, and in Plain Speak, Stealing

2008-01-30T00:02:00.000-05:00

I'm a university graduate, I have a bachelors degree in business administration. While at university I never took any courses on womens studies, race and intersectionality, or the like. What I write about here is mostly based on my experience living as a woman of color in North America. So I don't know some of the things I might have learned if I had taken those types of courses and sometimes find it confusing learning the language/jargon of academia, theories, and discussions of books/dissertations/essays and their authors with little or no context. It can be fascinating for someone like me to be introduced to these subjects by someone willing to make it accessible for everyone, like Donna Darko does when she raises the subject of third wave feminism. I was amazed to learn that third wave feminism was created by women of color, because many of the mainstream white feminists online call themselves third wave feminists and/or sex positive feminists. I assumed that the third wave was a rift between one group of white feminists and another white group of feminists calling themselves the second wave feminists/radical feminists or radfems. Please go read her entire enlightening post as well as the link to Rebecca Walker's article at Huffington Post. I have to disagree with Donna Darko here though:

I think what happened was people were so used to seeing white, middle-class women lead the first and second waves, they assumed white, middle-class women would lead the third wave.

She is too kind. They did what white people do all the time, they co-opted third wave feminism from women of color and distorted it into something unrecognizable from it's WOC centered origins into middle class white women centered Spice Girls Feminism(™ BetaCandy at The Hathor Legacy).

Over at Theriomorph in the comments of a post titled, Who determines our most important ideas?, Kai had this to say:

And yes, Schwyzer's latest unilateral recasting of this dialog as "purists vs. popularizers" is, well, fundamentally unsound, though it's clear why he's doing it. I suppose in his worldview, John Coltrane is a purist and Kenny G is a popularizer. Solomon Linda is a purist, The Tokens are popularizers. Chuck Berry, Fats Domino, and Little Richard are purists, while Pat Boone, Jerry Lee Lewis, and Elvis Presley are popularizers. And surprise, surprise, Schwyzer stands firmly on the side of the popularizers; though he sees a "healthy tension" in this dynamic. Whereas I see something else entirely, something which all cultures and communities of color around the world have experienced in our encounters with white society. And we wouldn't necessarily describe this tension as "healthy".

Now I'm not trying to silence Kenny G...well, I better not go there...so, I'm not saying that Pat Boone, Jerry Lee Lewis, or Elvis should have their albums yanked from stores or anything. I'm just saying, a deeper, honest appreciation of music, and of the world, recognizes where the music comes from and the political economy of the marketplace which clearly rewards white appropriators over brown originators. Clear-eyed people understand that this is the historical relationship between white people and people of color when it comes to the marketing of cultural content; and only whites have the luxury of pretending that it's all cool now. And pretend they do.

Yep, they did what they do all the time, co-opting something POC centered distorting it into something white centered.

Then there is a complaint I heard several times last year privately from POC bloggers who noticed that they would research and write about an issue and within 24-48 hours certain white blogs would have a very similar post at their sites. At first they were willing to give the benefit of the doubt, but when it happened time and again, they knew that these sites were stealing their content, making it appear that they cared enough about POC to research these stories themselves, when in reality they have so little respect for POC they steal from them instead of giving them credit for their hard work, and instead of linking and driving a little traffic their way. One blogger even watched her stats to be certain, and sure enough, the IP address of the woman she suspected was stealing from her was all over her site several times a day.

And last, I really don't want to be the one to create this joy-killing narrative...

Over at Feministe, Jill recently announced that she has been hired as an editor for Alternet. I am truly happy for Jill. BUT...I (as well as many other women of color) am very skeptical of the title for the section she will be editing at Alternet: Reproductive Justice & Gender. LauraJanine does a good job of explaining why the skepticism in comments:

In my understanding, the term “Reproductive Justice” is one that was coined to take the focus off of white middle class womens’ reproductive health issues (birth control and contraception) and to expand the focus to those issues that effect more people’s ability to control their health. To me, this includes:

forced and coerced sterilization
dangerous contraceptives and experiments on such in communities of color
the right to reproduce regardless of socioeconomic background
the “war on drugs” and its effects on women of color
the sex trade, and the rights of people who trade sex for money
reproductive health issues of people in the trans community (effects of hormones, pregnancy, etc)
environmental racism and its impacts on reproductive health
health care access (not just to abortion) and its effects on reproductive health
access to prenatal care
access to reproductive health care for incarcerated people
access to health care and self determination re: reproductive health for people with disabilities
the impact of military occupation on reproductive health
pesticides effects on farm workers

I could go on and on. I’m missing a lot here. The point is, if Reproductive Justice is going to be used, please don’t erase the communities that made the distinction in terminology as an explicit way to center the issues most important to us. Thanks.

Co-optation, appropriation, and stealing...is this another time that white people are going to take from WOC and turn the meaning of reproductive justice into the white centered "abortion, sex, abortion, abortion, birth control, abortion, abortion, sex, birth control, abortion" conversation? What reproductive justice is about is a holistic approach to reproduction and sexuality, including real family planning; as in giving birth and raising children, day care, adoption, political-social-economic implications, sexual and gender issues involving marginalized communities like lgbti and disability rights and the poor and working class beyond the lip service that mainstream feminism gives to us before getting back to the "abortion, sex, abortion, abortion, birth control, abortion, abortion, sex, birth control, abortion" conversation. I'd like to think that Jill understands this and will truly make the section about reproductive justice, but have a very hard time believing it will happen on a mainstream site catering to mostly white people.

There She Goes Again...Complaining About The White Womenz

2008-01-29T14:49:00.000-05:00

Through Feministe we learn that John Aravosis is being an ass once again, nothing new there. In the comments I read this:

# Thomas, TSID says:
January 25th, 2008 at 12:15 pm - Edit

Aravosis has finally scuttled the last bits of credibility. He’s racist, he’s transphobic, and now he’s a classist whiner who complains that people who make less than him get his money. So … AFAICT his actual agenda is that educated, affluent masculine-acting white gay men get an equally privileged status in the injustice hierarchy to educated, affluent masculine-acting white het men.

That’s not an agenda I’m on board with.

This is it, this is what WOC bloggers have repetitiously been saying about white middle class feminists. AFAICT (as far as I can tell) their actual agenda is that educated, affluent, mostly hetero, able bodied, white women get an equally privileged status in the injustice hierarchy to educated, affluent, mostly hetero, able bodied, white men.

This is why we aren't on board with their agenda. This is why it's foolish and a slap to our faces to say, "We're all on the same side! Why are you being so harsh?" because they aren't on our side. Because their agenda isn't equality for all women, just a step up on the hierarchy for themselves, which is why they don't do any actual work with WOC, but only give lip service and use us for their own ends.

Over at the Curvature, Cara reads an idiotic jam packed full of sexist stereotypes article brought to us by the knuckleheads at Time Magazine, so we don't have to, and fisks it in a delightfully hilarious way. Cara, much thanks for saving me from *headdesking* myself into a concussion. One of the points she makes:

Non-hetero people do not exist. Except, of course in the three (not densely filled) pages containing the obligatory story about gay people that masquerades as “inclusion” so that all the uppity queers will shut up.

This is one of the major problems that WOC had with Jessica Valenti's Full Frontal Feminism. ---Women of color do not exist. Except, of course in the ten (not densely filled) pages containing the obligatory intersectionality that masquerades as "inclusion" so that all the uppity WOC will shut up.

BFP Made Me Want To Gouge My Eyes & Eardrums Out!

2008-01-20T00:47:00.000-05:00

She's a bad bad woman. I go to read over there and dropped like a bomb at the bottom of a serious post she has a link to a video at YouTube of a song stuck in her head, don't click that link! ARGH! I hate that girl! I want to slap her silly! (The girl in the video, not BFP, I want to hug BFP even if she made me look at that awful video.)

What I got stuck in my head is this one:

I can't believe that song is over 10 yrs old already. It's a good one, go ahead and click it.

Just a Little Round Up of My Favorite Posts in the Past Week

2008-01-15T18:49:00.000-05:00

Over at La Chola, BFP has writes a bit about the Steinem and Harris-Lacewell Debate on Democracy Now!. It was the comments that made me go check out the video and transcript though. Harris-Lacewell kicked ass!

The transcript and video are available here: Race and Gender in Presidential Politics.

Some quotes really spoke to me, because it's not just Steinem with amnesia, but entire swaths of white feminism.

But I also know very clearly a history that I believe Steinem’s piece attempted to distort, and that is that as white women moved into the workforce, much of that caretaking work did not go to white men who sort of took up and helped out, but it fell on women of color—African American women, immigrant women—who stepped in to do much of the domestic labor and childcare provision, so that white women could in fact become a part of the workforce. So to, for example, make an argument like black men had the right to vote long before white women is to ignore that black men were then lynched regularly for any attempt to actually exercise that right.

Middle class white women are always quick to say things like, "Look what feminism has done for 'us' (the universal us), we no longer have to be housewives we can have careers!" When all along women of color and poor white women have been working, and took over that housework and child care when the middle class white woman went onto her career.

What I do agree with is that we ought to be in coalition. But I think we’ve got to be in coalition on fair grounds. Part of what, again, has been sort of an anxiety for African American women feminists like myself is that we’re often asked to join up with white women’s feminism, but only on their own terms, as long as we sort of remain silent about the ways in which our gender, our class, our sexual identity doesn’t intersect, as long as we can be quiet about those things and join onto a single agenda. So, yes, I absolutely agree, we must be in coalition, but it must be a fair coalition of equals.

This is what we mean when we say that the whole 'circular firing squad' argument is bullshit. When we are the ones called divisive, but it is the white middle class women in feminism who are divisive, or the white middle class men in liberal circles, because they have decided that they are the ones who make the rules and they are the ones who tell us what is important, and somehow it never includes the things that are important to us. No, those things are "pet/special issues". So you can stuff another of your bullshit arguments up your ass too, the one that says, "He/she is on your side! Don't be so harsh!" We are the ones who decide that, we know who is on our side and who is using us for his or her own agenda.

Back in September Black Amazon wrote a post titled The Bell Tolls.

I am actively and emphatically SUPER tired of everyone thinking this is a marketing issue.

And Hugo Schwizer brought up marketing feminism again just a couple weeks ago...

When women talk so reverentially about the women's right to vote and Seneca Falls always seem to gloss over the lack of Black Women and the classism and racism in that same conventions findings.

While in both these pieces these women make sure to list the movements they think need to own up to their debt to the feminist movement

Not a single one or even the comments mentions with any kind of detail the internal struggles they claim feminism is having with it self.

and the claim that feminism was never one thing back in the day so how can it be now.

BULLSHIT

It was/ is and that's why it's struggling.

Middle class white people just don't get why people of color and working class white people aren't all fired up for their Democratic party, or their brand of feminism. It's because we are excluded, they want us for our votes, or money, or warm bodies to fill their conventions/conferences and make things look diverse, but they don't want to give anything in return. Only their wants and needs are important and the rest of us are told to wait, although they have no problem throwing us under the bus if they think it will help them get ahead; think NAFTA and welfare reform under the Clinton administration.

Why would we come to this? Why is it okay to be so patronizing when talking to the very people your trying to help.

Because it's in the history

Feminism PREFERS dealing with the "powerful" and " influential" soundbites than it's suffering constituency.

Everything has a coolness factor, or an irony, or a mantra.

The clash over housework will always get repeat coverage while the failure of specific women to have HOUSES is a "special issue"

Feminism consistently seeks to

TELL women where they are and should be

while SHOWING them

that in the end it is more concerned by what is SAID about it.

It cracks me up how these big feminists/liberals talk about how they are the new media, but all they write about is what they find in the old media or MSM (mainstream media). POC writers were covering the Jena 6 since May but white people didn't write anything about it until it was covered by the Associate Press or CBS, and then only a small blurb, nothing in depth.

You will see many of the same themes in one of Black Amazons later posts, The Greatest Trick the Devil Ever Played. If you are a regular reader you will already know that when BA writes posts pertaining to white people she says the same things over and over and over, because they won't take off the blinders. She (all of us WOC really) has to say it a million times before it sinks in for a couple of these white people. Go read both posts and come back and tell me that they aren't pretty much the same.

Well how many times you got to be told your unwanted for you take a hint?

It might be the last time she repeats, though. She is fed up, had enough of the run around from these feminists, and wasted time arguing with a brick wall.

IF it does not pertain to larger womanhood and by larger I mean the global international multiphase multilevel WORK of making women's lives better, I won't be commenting. Should you want to pay me or donate to a charity in my name, MAYBE

Alot of WOC feel this way. They don't want to waste any more time on white womens drama when there is other work to be done and the white women just hold us back.

I don't get over to Angry Black Bitch often enough. She has a post up about some marketing she is doing...Acceptably Black - The merchandise

Too damned funny!

The shirt was designed with this post in mind, Acceptably black, my ass. You gotta read it! The author (Bob Garfield) of the article she is critiquing - Why Even Hardened Racists Will Vote for Barack Obama, even shows up to argue with Shark Fu, but runs away quickly! His claim is that racists can and do have POC friends, but they must be acceptably black, which means they are non-threatening, act white. This is someone they can show off to prove that they aren't really racist. He is under the impression that white racists will vote for Barack Obama because he is acceptably black...uh...the point is to be seen with someone acceptably black to prove you aren't a racist even though you are. Think think think...in the privacy of a voting booth, as a racist, who will you vote for...how about NOT THE BLACK GUY although you might say that you did. This is why the polls showed a lead for Obama that didn't materialize against Clinton in NH. A racist does not respect someone who is acceptably black, it's all for show, and therefore does not want that person to be president. D'OH!

OMFG!

2008-01-04T22:52:00.000-05:00

It's only January 4th and the post of the year has already been written!

Autism

2007-12-16T23:25:00.000-05:00

UPDATE! In comments Amp left a link to The Gimp Parade where there is an announcement that the NYU Child Study Center has put an end to the ransom notes campaign due to the huge amount of calls, letters, and emails they have received from the disability community and their friends. So a big thank you to all who participated!

Ms Crip Chick has a post up about an ad campaign for the NYU Child Study Center. It contains ransom notes insinuating that disabilities kidnap people. What's worse is that these notes contain the wrong information. For example Autism -

We have your son.

We will make sure he will not be able to care for himself or interact socially for as long as he lives.

This is only the beginning.

Autism

My oldest son has an Autism Spectrum Disorder. His actual diagnosis is Hyperlexia PDD/NOS (pervasive development disorder/not otherwise specified). He is awkward socially, but no more than any other teen boy. It hasn't stopped him from having dozens of friends. When he was really young I avoided giving him his actual diagnosis, I didn't want him to learn from others - what he couldn't do. And so he didn't know that he isn't supposed to have alot of friends. He didn't know that he isn't supposed to be a good student who gets mostly Bs and Cs with occasional As. He didn't know that he isn't supposed to love and be loved. He didn't know that he is supposed to be helpless and silent.

I was afraid of moving from Wisconsin to New Hampshire. I worried that my sons would have a hard time making new friends. Their friends in WI they knew since grade school. And I worried that here in NH these kids would already have their friends they knew since grade school and not make room for the new kids. I forgot to give my oldest his lunch money one morning and when I got to the school he was already in the cafeteria. I came up behind him to give him the money and he was holding forth at a table full of kids, remember this is the autistic kid, who supposedly can't interact socially for as long as he lives. He also has a girlfriend already. I didn't have to worry. They both have new friends, and keep in touch with old friends by phone, and those internet networking sites like myspace, facebook, as well as instant messaging.

These ads are not helpful. They instill fear, in those who have developmental disabilities, in their parents, in society in general. What these people need is strategies for coping in a world built for the able, or information on what services are available and how to get them, not negative stereotypes that tell them what they can't do or be.

Please read Ms Crip Chick's post and write to the NYU Child Study Center at the address provided. Thank you!

We Do Have Some Great Allies

2007-12-02T15:02:00.000-05:00

I moseyed on over to Orcinus to see what Dave has been up to and find out that he has a weekly guest posting gig at Firedoglake and his latest hits it out of the park on immigration. I was already pretty excited to see his post when I was reading the comments and there goes Eli of Multi-Medium giving me more reason to do a happy dance.

...Well, unless the Democrats figure out that Hispanics are a growing constituency, and that they should be trying to appeal to them rather than jumping on the anti-immigrant hatewagon.

Or that, y’know, it’s the decent and moral thing to do. But doing the right thing out of self-interest is probably a better bet (it’s bound to happen eventually, right?).

That isn't the only thing Eli has to say, he's spewing goodness like a geyser over there in comments. Not only that but others seem to get it, like Selise who says:

...one thing (among many) that really bothers me about this, is how the economic policies of the dems during clinton’s presidency has contributed to the problem - from fucked up trade policies that increase immigration pressure to off shoring jobs that create economic insecurity here. if the dems would be the party of the working class instead of just throwing the occassional bone - the economic pressures that make us ripe for scapegoating (of immigrants or whoever) could be defused.

lecturing people about their racism, i fear, will just add to the resentment.

Alright, I don't agree with that last part, or characterizing it as lecturing, but I do think it is important to understand what forces are contributing to the influx of immigrants and she got that part and isn't afraid to point the finger at the Dems.

I wrote this post because lately so many of my WOC friends are exhausted and disappointed after flamewars and disagreements from the people who are supposed to be on our side, but who want our support while they don't feel they need to support us in any way, or even listen to us. So it's nice to see when those who are supposed to be on our side really are on our side.

Frustrated

2007-11-29T10:18:00.000-05:00

I think everyone here has some knowledge of internalized racism. Racism and white supremacy is so pervasive in our culture that it isn't surprising when people of color believe the lies and begin to think of white people as superior or more authoritative than themselves or other people of color. Many other POC before me have noted that "white" isn't a skin color, it's a state of mind that even brown skinned people can have.

The problem I am having is possibly internalized sexism. In much the same way as internalized racism, I think us women can buy into the anti-women ideas swirling around us every day and it manifests itself when you hear a woman blaming another for the violence inflicted on her by a man, or slut shaming coming from women, etc. I think that I may be doing something like this. I'm really not sure but am damned frustrated and have a feeling that it might be the reason I am completely flumoxxed and why this one woman and I are talking past each other. Because this is a private conversation, and I am not sure if she even wants to be a part of it anymore, I won't reveal who she is and will just give a synopsis of what I think is going on and what was said. Unfortunately this is only my point of view and I may mischaracterize what she is saying because I am only telling you what I believe she means and not what she knows she means. So bear with me, hopefully she will be willing to step in and set things straight if I am misreading her. Or at least tell me privately so that I can update the post.

Anyway the disagreement is over this post at Daisy's Dead Air about Dennis Kucinich and his wife Elizabeth. I happen to agree with Daisy that the probability is that Elizabeth is a trophy wife, and have seen the pattern often enough with celebrities and politicians so that I don't ignore it and automatically assume, gosh, must be true love! Nope, it's too incredible that these wealthy and/or powerful men just happen to fall in love with teh hawt young babes and never young but average, or their own age, or older. And why is it teh hawt babes never hook up with old nobodies?

I'm just so sick and tired of our "wink nod" culture, I've raised this point several times and really need to sit down and write a post about that. Be that as it may, I think sometimes the obvious, Occam's razor and all that, is just the obvious. As one who mostly thinks of herself as a feminist, yeah I got huge problems with what passes for feminism nowadays, but that's for another day, but on with it...as a feminist, do we have to ignore the obvious to give other women the benefit of the doubt? To give them the best, least judgemental, motives for the things they do *wink nod*? And especially within the cultural context, because I don't have a problem with women who date/marry men they don't love but who give them something else they find important, but our culture certainly does, [sarcasm]damned golddiggers![/sarcasm] In fact, I think that all our chosen relationships are based on the idea that you are getting something from the other person, and they get something from you in return. Hopefully it's also true in the family you are born into, and that one of those things is love, but I know enough disfunctional families to know it isn't always true.

So there are two things going on in my mind. The first is, whatever floats your boat. If the young beauty wants money, fame or reflected glory, presige, social or political rank, hey that's up to her; and if the older dude wants his eye candy, fine. As long as they are both ok with it and happy, who am I to say any different? The second is, you don't get to a long term relationship or marriage without at least a minimum of compatibility, trust, and at least liking each other. But this is about the initial attraction, because I do think people filter out who they date based on certain characteristics they are looking for. And while on an individual level, whatever, if someone decides that something is right for them, it's no one else's place to tell them it's not; but I agree with Daisy that it is an indictment for our cultural and societal values when the priority in a list of attractions in general is youth and beauty for women, and wealth and power for men.

The point that the other woman makes is that you can't know what goes on between two people in a relationship, it is unfair to point fingers at specific people, although it is somewhat ok to notice a trend. But I think it's impossible to notice a trend without having many specific couples in mind, otherwise how is it a trend if it is some amorphous idea out there in the ether? Would it really be better if we had a hypothetical couple with over 30 years in age difference between them, but the dude is a national political figure, running for president, seems like a nice guy, has some great ideas and a good mind, looks like an old leprechaun, and the woman looks like a model, probably a very nice person and is liberal minded. So yeah, compatible politically. Now the question for you, do you think the model who is compatible politically with the old leprechaun would still be with him if he was a Wal-Mart greeter? The answer is, of course she would! As soon as she laid eyes on him she heard the strings section swelling and felt all swoony and once she knew he had the same political views it was all over, no way his prominence in national politics had anything to do with it. *wink nod*

Christ on a bicycle. Marla Maples fell in love with the hair. Anna Nicole Smith had a thing for skinny bald dudes. Monica Lewinsky likes cigar games, it doesn't matter if the guy is president, he could be a clerk in the mailroom and she'd still want to mess up that blue dress.

And you just know if these women were the same age, maybe even older than the men, and average, maybe a little homely, it wouldn't have mattered one bit to the men. It's their minds, and spirits, and gumption that lured the men in!

Ok now I'm getting facial tics from all that winking and my head wants to fall off from all that nodding. Enough with the frustrated anger and sarcasm.

Part of the issue is that it is unfair to use these examples as an example of a wider trend, not just of politicians and celebrities. It's unfair because many of us have been involved in May/December romances and it does not fit this pattern. Yes, but sometimes it does, there wouldn't be the cliche of the man running off from his family with the young beautiful secretary if it wasn't so common. Now maybe I'm not feeling the indictment when Daisy talks about this because although I did date a man 14 years older than me, but both of us drove junkers and had shit jobs, we met because we had mutual friends, we mostly hung out with those mutual friends who didn't bat an eyelash at the two of us dating. He was also at least as attractive in the conventional sense as I was. He was also single, I didn't "steal" him from his wife or older girlfriend. There was so many differences from the cliche that I never felt defensive or felt like anyone was judging us. Maybe if he was wealthy and had a nice car, and he was homely and looked especially old next to me, we would have gotten those stares, and I would have felt like I had to justify our relationship. So yeah, I get that, the unfairness of being stereotyped because this damned shit is so common! But that is the problem for me, that is where I am stuck. I am being told that I should play stupid and not notice how common it is, because there is that 5 or 10% who don't fit the stereotype, or assume that young beautiful women who wind up with politicians and celebrities are doing it for the truest of true love, and those old guys are loving their models for their minds, and I can't!

Even More FFF

2007-11-26T14:33:00.000-05:00

Hugo Schwyzer has a new post up, he admits that he didn't mention the "controversy" surrounding the book to his class, and thinks it would be a good learning tool, and is asking for help and direction in creating materials. If you are so inclined, head on over and offer some suggestions.

What got my attention is that the post sounds like he took to heart the things that "Jessica" said in my last post. Now many other people said the same exact things before I wrote that last night, so he may have gotten the idea elsewhere, but in the back of my mind I am crediting "Jessica". I wonder if he got a glimpse of the unfairness in the split second he really thought it was Jessica and took the criticism seriously, then realized, no it's just a WOC. Why is the same exact thing said by a white person more authoritative than said by a woman (or man) of color?

You may think I am gloating and crowing over this little bit of trickery I may have pulled off. You'd be wrong. I was crying over it. The beautiful soaring voices of my brothers and sisters are almost always only heard by those of us also in the choir. The congregation we want to reach is snoring in the pews with their ear plugs firmly in place. That hurts. It hurts alot.

More on Full Frontal Feminism

2007-11-25T17:48:00.000-05:00

Hugo Schwyzer decided to add Full Frontal Feminism to his syllabus this semester. He enjoyed the book, thought it had some value and would be relevant to his students. He strongly disagreed with the few less than laudatory reviews especially the one written by BlackAmazon.

Now that the semester is coming to an end, Hugo asked his students what their opinions were on the book, and has a post up about their responses. There are several things problematic about the post, and on going discussions regarding that are: BrownFemiPower's - Teaching Full Frontal Feminism, BlackAmazon's - I Really Tried, Crip Chick's - BA and BFP Always Get Me Going, and Sylvia/M's - Studying Women: A Mirrorless Act.

What interested and amazed me was Jessica Valenti's response to Hugo's post:

"Don't do this, Hugo. You are pitting the women of color in your classroom against women of color in the blogosphere. It's unfair on several levels. First, there is the strawman argument you are setting up, none of the women of color online who critiqued the book ever said that no women of color would ever like the book. Second you are filtering the responses of your students through your own biases in favor of my book. It would have been fairer for you to send your students directly to BlackAmazon, Sylvia/M, and Petit Poussin's blogs to have a conversation with those women about their impressions of the book. Although I couldn't say it at the time, there was a prototypical young woman I wanted to address with my books, it's the sorority girl who might eventually become the Republican voting soccer mom. That is the audience who will find the book relevant and it will have limited relevance to women of color, Christian, working class, disabled, non-American women. You should also consider a few other factors, is it possible that your students will be influenced by your enthusiasm for the book, as well as the inequality in a teacher-student relationship and vulnerability the student may feel when disagreeing? They may also be reacting to a preference to conversational tone compared to the dry reading of academic texts, and many other books contain no mention of women of color at all, they may be grateful that I included them in even the limited way that Full Frontal Feminism does."

Yeah, right. Did you really think she would ever say anything like that? I would bet that at least half the white people who read that will be more inclined to consider the points while they thought it was coming from a white person. Many others would still push back since it's favorable to women of color, I say this with Amanda's apology for the burka incident in mind, when her white fans were quick to tell her that she was wrong to apologize or show consideration for WOC. Anti-racism gets lip service only from the major white feminist bloggers and that's the way the bloggers and their white readers like it. That is why you would never see a post like that from Jessica, because she would have to actually read and listen to WOC, believe them, and incorporate their views into her feminism. That won't ever happen.

Sylvia has a wonderful post up called Stretching the Knapsack Metaphor to It's Full Bent (and Then Some). In the comments Michelle says this:

I’ve been thinking about the difference between stuff I have been/am involved with because I have a CHOICE about it, and stuff that I have no choice about. For me, the second thing, what I have no choice about, isn’t in any of the categories, even areas where I am oppressed like gender or sexual orientation. But it’s there and real and it is fucking INVOLUNTARY. I don’t get a choice about whether to be affected or not, I just AM and I can’t ever just choose to opt out and go back to being protected, because — I can’t.

On the other hand, areas that are not involuntary for me in being affected no matter what I do or want ot whatever (eg involvement in struggles against racism/white supremacy, more specifically to my life lately, migrant rights before and indigenous rights now) — these are choices of mine, and I have already stepped away from one group, chosen to be part of Y rather than X, where will I “be involved”.

IMO where people have these choices we are by definition untrustworthy. It’s great if or when we do the right thing, but it’s an action-by-action kind of situation, because at any moment we have the choice to step away, to choose to not notice because we do have a choice. Clearly we in that position are NOT the people who should be defining anything where we have this disconnect.

There are very few white allies who are trustworthy, who will do the right thing when it is at odds with their own wants, needs, goals. I am convinced that most of the major white feminists, including bloggers, have no intention of dismantling the patriarchal system, they want to join the power structure, have power over other people, and have a higher position in the hierarchy. That's why they only wink and nod when it comes to issues involving other oppressed groups then tell us to shut up while they go about their important business of getting the things that are only to their advantage, and eventually (*wink nod* never) they will get around to our "pet issues". Paying lip service to anti-racism is always to their advantage, gives them the warm fuzzies, and leads their readers to believe they are actually progressive instead of as selfish and self serving as conservatives. On the other hand squealing with glee because someone praised your book, even while that someone craps on WOC, well just ignore that crapping on WOC part, don't let that spoil your fun and white camaraderie.

Be My Research Assistant!

2007-11-17T11:44:00.000-05:00

Ok, not mine, be Sudy's research assistant. If you haven't been paying attention, then you haven't seen the wonderful video she made honoring Women of Color Feminism. So take a look! Now that we all know about it, she wants to make a new video, a testament or witnessing of the idiocy, ignorance, toolishness of the feminist/liberal blogosphere.

The reason why I said I want you to be my research assistant in the title, is because I have memory problems due to my meds. I can remember some of the firestorms and blog wars, but don't have exact quotes or where they were said. So I'm hoping someone can remember for me and give Sudy the quotes and links.

My blog's raison d'etre, (Did I do the French right? Do I appear sophisticated and worldly for using French? Why yes, I do. Unless I did it wrong...) is the Clinton blogger lunch. Any outrageous racist, sexist quotes from that would be great. I already gave her TRex.

Others: The burqa incident. Lindsey's racist post about asylum for all Afghan women to the US. Almost any time a WOC mentions sexism or violence within POC communities there is at least one sexist MOC who gives her hell for it. ENDA transphobia. Katie Thorpe/Ashley X ableist firestorm. FFF and It's a Jungle Out There book covers. Angelina Jolie and other celebrity colonialism. "You can't be a feminist because you're a damned slut" wars, both the sex workers and 'fun feminist' versions and any others you can think of. In other words, anything blatantly racist, sexist, classist, ableist, transphobic, homophobic, etc you can think of would be great for this project.

Belle already covered WOC morphing into the oppressor and The radfem transphobia wars, but if you got more, or better quotes, go for it!

Virgins, Whores, and the Sliding Scale of Our Humanity

2007-11-06T16:24:00.000-05:00

Do you all remember what State Senator Bill Napoli had to say about exceptions to the abortion ban in South Dakota?

A real-life description to me would be a rape victim, brutally raped, savaged. The girl was a virgin. She was religious. She planned on saving her virginity until she was married. She was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated. I mean, that girl could be so messed up, physically and psychologically, that carrying that child could very well threaten her life.

It seems to me that this attitude is very similar to that of Judge Teresa Carr Deni, who threw out rape charges because the victim is a prostitute and instead called it "theft of services".

This whole attitude about women and our sexuality is so damned repressive in the US. The idea behind the thinking is that there is some sort of sliding scale of justice and empathy for women dependent on whether they EVER consent to have sex. Only the pure virgin deserves real justice or empathy, and at the other end are the sluts and whores. If you have consented to sex in the past, or heaven forbid, are a sex worker, you simply can't be raped. And if you find yourself pregnant, well that's punishment for being slutty and a whore.

Just think about Napoli's words, the one exception he could come up with is the never consenting virgin who is attacked in multiple ways with the most extreme brutality imaginable. If any of these factors isn't present, a woman who had consented at one time who is brutally raped doesn't fit his profile for exception, and definitely not one who actually enjoys sex, even with her husband. Only the virgin is given the choice to abort, is given control of her own body. Carrying a pregnancy to term is seen as a punishment for the fallen woman, they don't give a shit about babies, all they care about is their moralizing.

That is what Judge Deni does here also. I'm sure she would also agree that a woman can not be raped by her husband, after all she had consented in the past. She obviously doesn't think that consent can be withdrawn, and once a woman consents to one sexual act, then she is consenting to everything. How else can her decision in the case be construed? No one including the judge thinks that the prostitute wanted a gun pointed to her head, or that she wanted to have sex with four men. But it's not rape according to Deni, even though what happened was not what the prostitute agreed to, even though she had a gun to her head, nope, still not rape.

I hate this society and culture that teaches us that sex is dirty, that women should not control their own bodies or destiny. God forbid we actually like having sex or ever consent, then we deserve every punishment imaginable.

I hope the people of Philadelphia are so outraged by this injustice that they vote Deni out of office today.

Tristan's Corner of the Web

2007-11-06T08:09:00.000-05:00

I've updated my blogroll finally, and still have more to add anyway. BUT I want to bring to your attention a very important development in the blogosphere: our favorite commenter, Andrew, has finally signed up for a blog and is blogging! I would personally appreciate it if everyone went over to his new blog at Tristan's Corner of the Web and welcomed him, and don't forget to add him to your blogroll. I really want to encourage him to keep writing.

Drowning Maestro

2007-11-05T11:27:00.000-05:00

Here we go again. Unexamined and unacknowledged privilege is rearing it's ugly head all over the place. The one thing I am getting fed up with is, "watch your tone, be nicey nice", or what Nezua has named The Drowning Maestro. Nezua's examples:

• "We'd admit about your point if you presented it nicer."
• "I have this work I was going to throw your way, is there a problem?"
• "People would listen to your complaint if you weren't so loud."
• "If you want people to care about this, you should learn to be smoother."

I recommend everyone read the entire definition from Nezua's glossary. No, I recommend everyone read the entire glossary.

Alrighty! First we had projektleiterin in the comments of the last thread warning us to be sweet to the nice white ladies and try to put ourselves in their shoes, and stop being so "stroppy". My question is when do we finally get to turn the tables? When do they reciprocate? When hell freezes over, is when...

Then we have Latoya at Racialicious telling Nadia to watch her tone. There is nothing wrong with Nadia's tone, she is in fact, being helpful. Latoya didn't like having her comfortable "latent prejudices" being pointed out.

And now we have Yobachi telling BrownFemiPower to watch her tone in this comments thread at Women of Color Blog. This one actually had me shaking with anger. Jasmine makes a comment that distills the whole argument against "protection":

We don’t get men to stop abusing women by portraying women as justifiable targets of abuse. How about if we stop painting targets on the backs of women?

It is only because you view us as targets that we need "protection". Stop viewing us as targets, teach your brothers that we are not targets, and we will not need protecting. If you still don't get it, I'll take a quote from Ginmar out of context, because it sure as hell works here too.

This kind of reaction amongst men is the reason that cries about 'chivalry' fall so flat. Chivalry amounts to a guy staking a claim to a woman by his act of offering her some kind of protection, displaying his ownership for other men. It's kind of like the guys who claim they want to 'protect' women. With that protection comes protection from freedom, self-determination, independence, and a complete lack of protection against the guy offering the so-called protection. Rejecting that extortionate deal leaves women alone in a world of men who perceive female slights as being so serious that they require violent actions or threats, actions that are brushed of as 'reckless' and 'stupid' when what they are is calculated, arrogant, hostile, and designed to intimidate.

The part about it being an extortionate deal especially resonates after reading Yobachi's bullshit. There is no asking women what they want or need, we gotta be nicey nice with our tone and accept his "solution" to the problem no questions asked, or else he'll stand aside when women get attacked. He later retracts that part, it's just satire, because you know, joking about men standing around while women get raped is hilarious.

Every example I have given has been a person of color using privilege against another person of color. This is not a problem with whites only, all of us in American society are brainwashed by white supremacy/male supremacy to some extent. Projektleiteren doesn't notice that she is expecting us to treat whites better than they treat us, because it is "natural" to see them as superior and therefore grant them more benefit of the doubt, chances, understanding, etc than they ever grant to us. If you think I am being sarcastic, you'd be wrong. We do get so used to being treated like we are wrong, like our opinion doesn't matter, like we don't know ourselves and our own families, lives, world; all of these things contribute to internalized racism. You know the grass is green and the sky is blue, but daily it seems like everyone else around you is saying the grass is purple and the sky is yellow. You may start to question your reality, believe that they are right and there is something wrong with you. I've told a story in the past about a person I know who was collecting histories from the elders on his reservation. He found a particularly interesting one and related it to a friend, the friend didn't believe the story, he asked if it has been verified by historians. Keep in mind these are two Native American men. Does anyone see what is wrong with this picture? These are Native histories, told by Native elders, in their own words...and the one Native American man wants it verified by WHITE HISTORIANS. Whites are given the authority instead of the Native American elders. The grass is purple and the sky is yellow in his world.

In the Racialicious post, Latoya doesn't seem to understand what she is asking of Muslims when she makes a request for an anti-Islamofacism blog, post, etc. Nadia explains that Muslims are in the ridiculous position of having to preface everything they say with, "Hi! I'm not a terrorist." That is the racist narrative. It would be like if I created this blog to explain that: Native Americans aren't all drunks. Native Americans aren't all millionaires from casinos. Native Americans aren't all exactly the same with the same beliefs, lifestyles, histories, spirituality, which usually is expected to be either Cherokee or Lakota (Sioux). We weren't conquered. We aren't all dead. Why don't I write a blog like that? I'm assuming that most of the people who wind up here have at least half a brain and already know this stuff, already know that these are racist lies. Nadia is assuming the same about her supposed liberal allies. Does she really have to spell out for them that there is no such thing as Islamofacism? I guess so, since Latoya believes in it, assumes that there must be some truth to the racist lies. She gets angry with Nadia's tone, which is odd since all Nadia did was state matter of factly that the grass is green and the sky is blue. Latoya is saying that when you remove someones white lens, do so gradually and gently. Sorry, it can't be done. We really can't have people believing that the grass is just a little purple and the sky has a slight yellow tint.

The part about tone that is disturbing in the comments thread at Women of Color is that it is about who controls what is to be said and done about violence against women. Yobachi will not accept that women have every right to question these campaigns supposedly on our behalf. It's all about men, what they want, how they want to talk about this, how it's still about controlling women. That is what protection is all about, she has to be your property or under your control in some way before you can protect her. If she doesn't accept your protection on your terms then she is just a target who deserves whatever she gets. The campaign should be about changing mens' attitudes towards women, so that they don't think in this way. Protection is an extention of the abuse, not a solution to it, because the idea comes from the same place where men decide which women deserve safety and which ones don't. Watch your step and your tone or you'll be thrown to the wolves.

Bitter Laughter

2007-10-19T09:08:00.000-04:00

Why can't they see that this is the same thing they do to us? Over at Feministe: OMG Teh Hysterical Feminists Again!

From the first paragraph,

It’s a classic example of how concepts like rationality and logic become gendered, with men automatically assumed to be exercising them when they’re challenging women, and women automatically assumed to be bypassing them when we challenge men or widely-held assumptions.

Hmmm, I've seen and heard something similar before. Maybe you have too, let's try a little exercise for those who don't know what I am talking about and change a few words here and there.

It’s a classic example of how concepts like rationality and logic become racialized, with middle class white feminists automatically assumed to be exercising them when they’re challenging women of color, and women of color automatically assumed to be bypassing them when we challenge middle class white feminists or widely-held assumptions.

...Now, despite my series of posts picking on him, Matt is actually not an asshole, and I really don’t think he put up that post to stick it to feminists...he seems to think that we’re saying something we’re not...he’s misinterpreting what we’re saying about it...benefit of the doubt...

It's the same with the flamewars regarding race, unless it's a continuation of the same bad behaviors over and over on the part of the white liberal blogger. Otherwise what makes the white liberal blogger and/or commenters assholes is the reaction, which follows a pattern parallel to male privilege vs feminism flamewars.

Here’s what I think is really interesting: When feminists responded to Matt’s post, the self-appointed Logical White Men stepped in and started to put us in our place. For example, the third comment over at Matt’s place:

What’s this? A man using logic and facts to qualify the assertions of Jessica Valenti! Get ready for a world of libtardsphere circle-jerk disavowals.

This reminds me of the thread at Pandagon about Amanda Marcotte's King Kong Book cover. Check how quick the Logical White People step in and put the POC and anti-racists in their place.

There were many exasperating comments made but this one in particular was a punch to the gut for me:

zuzu
August 22, 2007 at 11:55 pm

Hello! Welcome to The Furor Over Jessica’s Book Cover, Part II!

A/k/a, You Can’t Please Everyone, Part the MCVIIth.

The furor over Jessica's book cover was mainly from WOC bloggers, Zuzu apparently thinks we had no substantive issues with the cover, there's just no pleasing us. It doesn't occur to her that maybe, just maybe, if these middle class white feminists would stop using racist book covers we wouldn't be complaining.

“There’s a small group of self-identified liberal bloggers who are young-ish, male, white, and horribly offended by “identity politics.” They’re pretty well supported by a handful of the Big Liberal Bloggers. A few of them link here all the time in order to demonstrate what a deep disservice feminism and anti-racism and queer rights are doing to the Democratic party and to good white male liberals. I’m sure they’re decent enough guys, but it’s irritating, and so I usually ignore them. But they’re just so over-the-top on this one, I can’t resist.”

Problem here is that this makes it seem like only white liberal men are offended by "identity politics", in fact, most of the feminists are too, unless we are talking about their particular identity and their particular politics. Civil rights and basic human rights are serious business when it affects white liberal women, not so much for the rest of us.

I’ve been at the point where I’ve said, “Gosh, they say they want me to cover [whatever issue] and then when I do they rail me for it. What do they want from me?”

We want the same thing you want from the men. How would you feel if a male blogger wrote a book and it was titled, "Liberal Bloggers: The Definitive Guide to Progressive Politics on the Internet" and had a picture of a group of all men, or maybe just one white mans six pack abs representing all liberal bloggers on the cover? What if it was all about what men think and want but a few pages said, "In the past politics and society ignored women, especially the old dudes, but us younger guys are concerned and stuff. Women are fucking oppressed! They have it bad and are like victims, I shit you not." And had maybe a handful of quotes from liberal women and feminists, no analysis, just comments saying things like, "That Susan B Anthony was awesome!" I wonder if the white middle class feminists would feel "included" in this book, that it's about them and for them. I wonder if his effort would be good enough to get a pass and no criticism, because how is he supposed to write a book integrating women, he's not a woman!? It would be easy for that imaginary man to integrate women into his book and if he didn't then he should call it -The definitive guide to liberal MEN on the internet-. Not only would he include a chapter about issues of particular interest to women, in other chapters, say on economics, he would be sure to mention how certain policies impact women differently then men and listen to and interview women and quote them in the book. He would also be sure the book was inviting to women, that they felt he was speaking to them, instead of having a section where he tells his male readers to gather round while they talk about women and women's problems.

Or how would you feel if male centered blogs introduced a female co-blogger or two, or had female guest bloggers, but over time you saw that these female bloggers weren't comfortable posting about feminist issues or other woman centered issues and stuck to mostly male centered posts or general interest. The few times these women did write on the topic of feminism there was either no interest, or a firestorm of criticism with the woman and the few female commenters getting little or no support from the male blog owner/male co-bloggers? Wouldn't you wonder if the male blogger only brought in the female blogger as cover for any charges of sexism? He'd be supportive if he actually cared about women and their perspectives, he'd encourage discussion by commenting on her threads, he'd at least understand what she is talking about, and he would certainly smack down the sexism and misogyny in the comments.

This is the way that I and many other WOC see the white middle class feminist blogosphere. These women do not see us as women too, we are a subsidiary group, an auxiliary to the "real" women with real important concerns. It isn't important enough to them to actually read our words and understand them. They bring in a WOC or two but don't take them very seriously, offer little support or enthusiasm for what they write if it pertains to concerns particular to their situation as a WOC, or if they write about race relations they allow all kinds of trolls to overrun the conversation and disrespect the WOC blogger in favor of those "widely held assumptions" about race. Widely held assumptions/status quo/conventional wisdom; this is white supremacy and white privilege as much as it is male privilege or homophobia or classism or ableism or colonialism or a whole host of isms that allow people to view others as inferior.

You know you hate it when these men you disagree with go to their corner licking their wounds, more determined than ever to ignore you and feminism. They can't talk about it without misunderstanding and you getting pissed off, so they won't talk about it at all. How childish. And yet, you do the exact same thing with us. You know that you want those men to have the courage to come back, to listen, to question, restate, make mistakes...and care enough to really learn so that they can talk about these things in an intelligent way. Those cowards are worried you will bite their heads off for saying the wrong thing, but, the ones who actually care and engage, funny thing, they rarely get their heads bitten off. Women have the patience to explain to the ones who really want to know and but are harsh with the fools who swoop in for a one off slam against feminism. If you cared enough about us to read our blogs and see the interactions, you would see the exact same thing, but instead you do that swooping in thing and wonder why we keep getting pissed off at you.

BlackAmazon wrote a post entitled, "Don't include me". I doubt if these white feminist bloggers read it, or if they did, they didn't understand what she meant. She was not speaking about herself alone, she was speaking for all women of color. Don't include us if you are only doing it to make yourself look progressive, to use us as cover against charges of white privilege/racism. You know that men say, "But I link to one or two women in my extensive blogroll!" or "But I had that (short, no analysis, did not encourage discussion in any way) post about xyz feminist issue!" as cover to pretend that they give a shit. Don't you want to tell those men to stuff it, you see through the ruse, and you think, don't include me bud just to use me. You middle class white feminist do the exact same thing to us. We see it when you have your WOC co-bloggers who are strangely silent on race issues, or your WOC guest bloggers and you are all but completely absent in the comments with maybe a, "Good post!" in there. Why is it a good post, what moved you, or are you so clueless that you aren't sure what they are saying because you aren't really reading. Just making things look good so that you can call yourself progressive.

I have a prediction about how things will eventually go with that thread at Feministe. Some and perhaps all of the men being criticized will act conciliatory and may even apologize. But they will be resentful and hold that grudge, they don't really mean it. They are pissed that a woman or group of women showed them up and will look for an opening to pull this same bullshit again. I know this because it's what the middle class white feminists do to us. They don't mean their apologies either, it's just to get us to shut up for the time being while they regroup and work on their memes about how we're just jealous, or they debunked what we said when no such thing happened. Although in this circumstance, the definition of debunking is, all us privileged people got together and decided to ignore and redefine what those feminists/WOC/etc said.

I just posted about the post itself, go read the comments and you might want to read the comments at the liberal men's sites too. If you are astute you will see a multitude of parallels between the bullshit POC get from white liberals there too.

We do see racism everywhere, because it is everywhere

2007-10-16T17:44:00.000-04:00

One of the racist arguments used to dismiss us is that we are oversensitive and see racism everywhere, even when it's not intended, or supposedly not there. We aren't oversensitive or throwing the race card, racism is all around us. White people are insensitive to it because they aren't the object of it, it doesn't affect them, so they don't care to notice it.

For example, I've been skimming the white liberal blogosphere and happened to see that several of them are pointing to this article by Frank Rich, "The Good German".

I go read and here is what I see:

As Mrs. Bush spoke, two women, both Armenian Christians, were gunned down in Baghdad by contractors underwritten by American taxpayers. On this matter, the White House has been silent. That incident followed the Sept. 16 massacre in Baghdad’s Nisour Square, where 17 Iraqis were killed by security forces from Blackwater USA, which had already been implicated in nearly 200 other shooting incidents since 2005. There has been no accountability. The State Department, Blackwater’s sugar daddy for most of its billion dollars in contracts, won’t even share its investigative findings with the United States military and the Iraqi government, both of which have deemed the killings criminal.

The gunmen who mowed down the two Christian women worked for a Dubai-based company managed by Australians, registered in Singapore and enlisted as a subcontractor by an American contractor headquartered in North Carolina.

and the way I read that is, "OMG! We must do something now. Before they were killing those animals with their silly mumbo jumbo dangerous religions and who cares about that? But now, NOW, they're killing REAL HUMAN BEINGS!"

Why would it make any difference in the story to mention that they are Christians* and not once, but twice. Considering how geographically challenged Americans are, I also think adding in the Armenian part was a nice touch; it will be taken one of two ways, "At least they aren't Iraqis, our enemy**, so who cares if Iraqis are killed?" or if an American happens to know where Armenia is, "Oh European, even more like us then probably."

I don't think Rich is racist, but I'm thinking that he believes that his readership is. His focus is Blackwater and the other mercenaries, he knows that another dead Iraqi, or a hundred, or a thousand, is a yawn to the average racist American. But two dead Christians? That might get them riled up enough to write letters, protest, do something to show their disapproval of these out of control cowboys.

*Heading you off at the pass, I know someone will argue that bigotry based on religion isn't racism. Sometimes it's not, but the unspoken antonym for Christian is Muslim. Give a piece of paper and a box of crayolas to a random American and ask her/him to draw you a picture of a Muslim and I guarantee that 99.999% will be picking a brown or black crayon instead of white or pink. Bigotry based on skin color is...

**Enemy? Aren't we there to rescue Iraqis? Nah, that's an acceptable lie for ignorant American people and the international community. The Bush administration couldn't very well say they were going in to steal the oil. When a colonized people fight back they become "the enemy" and all terrorists.

Talking to myself

2007-10-14T23:06:00.000-04:00

If you don't like crybabies, don't read the rest of this. I'm talking to myself.

For some reason I am going through this total guilt phase in my life. In fact, after writing that sentence I felt guilty because I'm about to whine about my self involved problems instead of writing about something important. I know, that's what personal blogs are for, you write about what you want to write about, whether it's important stuff or personal whining, but I still had that twinge. It's the move, for a long time there was too much to do, things are slowing down now, but there are alot of things I am behind on. I feel guilt for neglecting so many things, like the blog, like my friends both on and off line, like my family, like getting my youngest son in for a teeth cleaning. He should have had one last June. I've been catching up on blog reading, I felt guilty about not knowing what is going on in the world, but now I feel guilty because I planned on cleaning the bathrooms today, but didn't get to that. I feel guilty about not updating my blogroll, some blogs have closed shop, and there are many others who deserve a link. I've said that three times in less than 24 hours and I feel guilty because I still don't want to spend the time updating it because I hate messing around with the template and html, not to mention the time it would take to do. If these are the worst problems a person has in this world, then my life is gravy, as one extremely arrogant and annoying person once told me. I think I'll shut up now and quit boohooing...

Oh but if you're still reading; I became an aunt again on September 28, not all is well, the poor little angel will be having surgery on her tear ducts this thursday. Prayers, good thoughts, and/or crossed fingers on her behalf are greatly appreciated. She is the first niece, my sisters and I have all had sons up until now.

Also I missed my blog anniversary the day after that, September 29. Well, not really, I knew when it was but it seemed stupid to announce it or anything since at tht point I hadn't decided if I was going to be able to keep blogging or not. But I'm still here!

Anti-oppression vs the civility of polite society

2007-10-13T11:42:00.000-04:00

Many times the reason I don't post on a topic is because I have too many thoughts and directions to go on the subject, and if I can't have some semblance of organization in my head, how will I ever manage to organize it enough to write? This is one of those times but I am forging ahead anyway. I've never been one of those "linear" thinkers anyway and make connections between apparently unrelated events and ideas all the time. Some random thoughts...

For me it almost always comes as a shock to realize that the person I am speaking/writing to doesn't see me as fully human as they see themselves. I feel the same way when I hear/read them do it to someone else. It's not that I am so stupid to think that most people are inherently good blah blah blah pie-in-the-sky platitudes... It's that the people I choose to associate with and engage my time and efforts with should know better, are expected to be allies, have a higher consciousness with regards to social justice issues etc. or I wouldn't be wasting my time and effort on them.

Words can be violence. Words can lead to physical violence on a personal level and on an institutional level. It's easy to see with hate speech, but hidden with patronizing speech. Both set up a hierarchy of humanity, both make it easier to abuse and kill the group the speech is directed towards. Be aware when either is being employed against a group of people it's a set up, or the remnants of a past set up. These are the people who are in the way, an inconvenience to the powerful and wealthy, or sometimes just the majority. Hate speech makes it easier to enlist people to the cause of neutralizing and/or eradicating the subject, patronizing speech is for those who will not actively aid in neutralizing the subject, but will turn a blind eye to what is going on.

I've learned that hate speech and ideas are very effective among those who identify as conservatives and patronizing speech and ideas are very effective among those who identify as liberals.

Democrats, liberals, and other assorted progressives should be paying close attention to blogs and other media geared towards "the dregs of society" because we are the ones predicting that this is coming your way. Some of you have been smart enough to figure out that conservatives/neocons laid the foundations for the latest "anti-terrorist" campaigns and wars in the Reagan years and beyond, but can't see what foundations they are laying now, or think they have dodged a bullet. They aren't using inflammatory language like anti-American, traitors, and terrorist lovers against you to be silly and annoying. Dodged a bullet? Politics is cyclical; the Bush administration may be losing credibility with the public, but the powerful and wealthy backing them are patient.

People are more likely to say what they really think on the internet than they would in the real world and using harsher language. Having said that, I still have a problem with some of these discussions bemoaning the lack of civility. I've been on the internet for 10 years and witnessed innumerable instances where these scenarios play out with the exact same script -
Person 1, "Conventional wisdom says that you (or your loved ones) are less than human."
Person 2, "%*@&!!!"

In the liberal blogosphere every flame war between white liberals or feminists and anti-oppression bloggers has been a magnification of this, with one bloc who believes "conventional wisdom" and the other bloc saying, "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU???". I'd be interested if someone could name an exception or two.

If you have ever been on the side of "civility" you might want to examine that. Your conventional wisdom or commonly held beliefs that everyone-knows-is-true might be imprisoning, maiming, and killing real people.

I bet you thought this was about race, uh huh, but Ashley X and Katie Thorpe are my actual inspirations. Once again liberals and feminists have shocked, angered, and frightened me with their casual acceptance that certain groups are less than human.

Intersectionality of oppression is western societies way of saying, if I can't get you to feel hate, fear, or at least apathy for "those" people for reason A, then how about reason B?

Elle, PhD posted a letter to the progressive white blogosphere that is an excellent example of intersectionality of oppression. She links to a Wikipedia entry on Claudette Colvin. If you can't hate her for being black, then hate her for being from the poor side of town, or being sexually active and immoral. Perfection is necessary because otherwise there is always an excuse for conservative hate and liberal apathy.

I don't think many of us anti-oppression bloggers understood the magnitude of the hate, fear, and apathy towards us before we started posting online. It's because the mask slips and liberals innocently (ignorantly) and proudly reveal their bigotry which isn't bigotry to them but common sense. Everyone knows that people with disabilities are vegetables who have unnecessary messy body parts! Everyone knows that women of color are pitiable creatures who need to be saved by white women because they are too stupid to organize or solve problems themselves! Everyone knows that transwomen aren't really women but men mascarading as women so they can molest the real women in womens rest rooms, or spoil the Michigan Womens Music Festival, or infiltrate womens ranks and undermine them!

I'm a slacker blogger

2007-10-12T12:57:00.000-04:00

I know I should blog, I have really and truly been busy with the new house but it's been coming together and I have less to do each day, so that's no excuse anymore. I see alot I want to blog about, because I do get online and read blogs, news, emails and all that, but can't get motivated or the energy to actually write a blog post. I feel defeated and like there is no point alot of the time, but I also get angry when I see my favorite bloggers get discouraged and feel defeated and take extended breaks or nuke their blogs. So while I sometimes want to be gone, I really think it's important for us to get our voices heard. Maybe I have nothing important to say today, or tomorrow, or for a long time, but if by being here and telling you all that I'm staying it will convince some of those others to come back when they are ready, then I've done some good.

Now for something that will really motivate my blogger friends, or get them dancing nekid around the house, both laudable goals in my estimation, I give you this:

Make/Shift magazine

2007-10-06T17:16:00.001-04:00

I just received my very first copy of the feminist magazine Make/Shift!!!!

I'm very very impressed by Make/Shift--as many women of color activists may know, it's extraordinarily difficult to find any type of media where women of color are integrated not just into "the problem" (that is, women of color are victims victims victims), but also into the solution (that is, women of color are organizing, resisting, agitating in profound and amazing ways).

Make/Shift definitly incorporates and integrates women of color organizing into their media message--from the first issue: Spanish sits very comfortably next to English, women of color run blogs are reviewed right next to blogs run by white women, fierce brown women are riddled throughout the advertising, and on the very first page, there are blurbs about Felicia Luna Lemus (who wrote the "Chicana dyke coming of age story Trace Elements of Random Tea Parties") and doing political work as a mother.

from the second issue: the cover reads in nice big bold letters, "INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence" and right underneath it, La Lucha for Environmental Justice. Inside, again, there are lots of ads with fierce looking women of color--my favorite is an ad for "rudechix"--I'm not exactly sure what the ad is for, but there is a totally beautiful Asian looking woman with a fierce mohawk and she's wearing a shirt that says "fuck you and your sides of ranch". And again, right on the first page, is a lovely "scrap" that features a woman of color--Everyday Actions by Teena Apeles. There is also a *fabulous* interview of Andrea Ritchie (somebody I deeply respect and admire). And Raquel Gutierrez has an article about Elia Arce and Nao Bustamante (my heroine).

These are fabulous magazines--and on a side note--I have worked closely with editor Stephanie Abraham, and appreciate the egalitarian editing style, and complete trust and respect she had for the words and experiences of women of color. I highly highly recommend not just reading/subscribing to the magazine--but submitting like crazy to it as well. As one of the few indy media makers that pays it's writers--it's worth the time and effort.

Make/Shift is a beautiful righteous magazine--it's literally one of the only feminist magazines that I feel comfortable recommending to other women of color. Do what you can to check it out/submit to/otherwise support it!!!!

getting us warmed up for next year...

2007-10-06T17:15:00.001-04:00

VIDEO: an analysis.

you call this a revolution?

2007-10-06T17:14:00.001-04:00

created by the militantly disabled Ms CRiP Chick

Of course I’m silent when you start talkin’ Revolution
To you, my “Enlightened” Angelina-Jolie-Bono-loving
People Magazine-reading friend,
Revolution is nothing more than a trendy word to sport.
Something that’s been in style since the 80s Live AID concert
But tell me, do you really know who Che is? Or do you carry his image on your chest because his face is good looking?
Do you really support militant activism or only when it comes in ancient Buddhist mystery with monks and shit?
Do you realize what a lot of what you’ve been told about the world is a lie?
You see, I don’t really feel a need to wear 5 different wristbands for 5 different “causes,”
Particularly when the goal is to eradicate disabled people from the face of the earth with talks of cures and research
You see, I don’t feel a need to pay more money for this [Red] line they sell at the GAP…afterall, does consumerism and capitalism really go hand in hand with the principles of radicalism?
These are just some things I think while listening to a friend talk about how we, as “persons with disabilities” [not people,] are going to change the world.

8 things meme

2007-07-10T21:03:00.001-04:00

I've been tagged by a bunch of folks--I think Nez, Kevin and Angel and then Baby Whispering Loudly said she wanted to get to know me (very much humbled, thanks :-)!!!)

So here's the 8 random things about me.

1. Honest to god, I tried to like the 90's explosion of feminist rockers (the Lilith Fair chicks), I really really and truly did--but with the exception of Ani De Franco, the Dixie Chicks (who I was introduced to through country music), and an occasional Sarah McLaughlin song, I just couldn't. I don't know what it was--but the whole thing just exasperated me.

2. I just recently found out that "track changes" on microsoft word is enough to make a person with ADD go cross eyed to the point that that person's head implodes.

3. Some times I have panic attacks when I think about money.

4. I thought that Roger Ebert's review of the fifth Harry Potter movie was a piss poor review--what's up with the moaning and groaning about the "loss of innocence"? Is it believable to me that Roger could only give this movie 2 1/2 stars because the "loss of innocence" was so disturbing to him? This, from the same man who gave The Passion of the Christ four stars?

5. I almost applied for a job a Democracy Now! once--I was too chicken shit and "I-am-not-worthy to actually go through with it, however. Even with my 100,000$ University of Michigan degree.

6. That Earth Live concert--what a crock. I couldn't even watch it. Sokari links to a great post about it.

7. Two posts that I found interesting about Frida Kahlo (and to be clear, the following rant is not directed at EITHER blogger who made the two posts!!!!). I have a love hate relationship with Frida-I think she did some of the most profound and amazing and intense art I have ever seen, and some of her stuff, I won't lie, the first time I ever saw it, I cried and cried and cried. At the same time, goddamn, the commodification shit, goddamn Madonna, and goddamn the next feminist who tells me Frida is her moon sister. Would we say that Diego Rivera was our scrotum brother? The point being that Frida's life (WHICH WAS A MEXICAN CENTERED LIFE) gets appropriated to the point that nobody really gives a damn about her MEXICAN CENTERED artwork anymore. I think all this "moon sister" bullshit is something that relegates Mexicanas/Chicanas to the "folk art" category--if we write about, say, space ships and gangsters and militarism rather than food, mysticism and intense kinda "mad" love (don't you know? Us Chicanas kill men who reject us, drown our kids and paint pictures of Diego on our heads!), we are rejected as not being "real," feminists or "real" Mexicanas/Chicanas. However Frida's artwork was steeped in "woman"--it was ALSO steeped in revolution, industrialization, technology, and examinations of race and class--and most importantly, her work was steeped in her awareness of being "Mexican." Something a lot of people would like to deny.

8. I just finished reading Brewster's Place. Book was way better than the series, IMO--I don't know why, but none of Oprah's books to movies have really been all that great.

One of my favorite Frida paintings:

media justice: a contemplation

2007-07-10T21:02:00.000-04:00

While I was in Atlanta, I went to the MLK historic site. I walked to the site in the early morning. There was a light mist across the city, the few other early risers nodded easy hellos as we all went about our business.

I didn't know what to expect at the historic site. I'm embarrassed to admit, I didn't really know MLK was from Atlanta. I had always thought he was from Alabama (he preached in Alabama but was born and raised in Atlanta). So as I walked to twelve blocks down Auburn Street, I was unprepared for what greeted me. Historic churches, stores yellowed from age, restaurants shoved in the back of storage buildings--the history and the present of the people of Sweet Auburn mixed together into something called life.

And then as I crossed the final street, I saw it--in the distance, bathed in early morning mist and sun, was a site that some how, has always been in my memory:

Who doesn't know Ebenezer Baptist Church? Who doesn't know the blue sign with the simple white cross? Who hasn't been raised hearing stories of the righteous action and holy community that flourished out of Ebenezer?

At the church, I found out that they play old speeches of MLK's. You can go sit in the congregational hall, listen to the speech, pray, take notes, reflect. I could hardly speak to the man at the front door as he told me this--tears were coming and I think he knew it. He gently pointed me towards the hall. I wondered how many half sobbing people he's directed toward the hall.

The hall, which has been reconstructed to how it looked back in 1963, is well lit and cool. Pews are comfortable and well worn. I noticed several people rubbing their hands on the pews, as if listening to the past through their fingers. The walls have intricate designs etched into them, and the windows are small but etched in beautiful dark colors.

I sat in the middle of the hall and just watched for a while. A group of grannies sat right up close, in the first couple of rows. They stared intently at the front pulpit when MLK's speech played--their body's rigid with attention, their hats tense from their focus. A younger woman that was with them whispered to them about half way through the speech, and stood up as if she was ready to leave. The other women didn't look away from the pulpit--but one of them yanked the younger woman down with an intensity all mothers know. The "stop being so rude" intensity.

The speech that was played was an earlier version of the "I have a Dream" speech. A crystal clear sound system lifted the deep measured voice of MLK throughout the hall. The speech was so clear, I thought for a good part of it that MLK had recorded it in a sound studio. But about half way through the speech MLK made a joke at which time, the entire congregation he was speaking to laughed in response. And it was then that I realized--the absolute clarity of his speech was due in large part to the absolute silence of his congregation. This sermon was given in the days before the March on Washington version of the Dream speech--which was when MLK flew out into the national spot light.

I could only imagine the intense feelings that must have wrapped around the congregation as this speech unfolded. The ecstasy of potential freedom, the sisterhood with the woman sitting next to you, the awe of knowing something amazing is happening right in front of you--all mixed, surely, with a healthy dose of fear. Mothers knowing that other sons had been lynched for less, old folks knowing their measured world was being shaken, young people knowing they were on the front lines whether they wanted to be or not--everybody knowing that just down the street was a fire station armed with white men, just up the street was a police station armed with white men, and surrounding them, a city of whiteness that had, only a few decades earlier, been a part of a a race riot where scores of black people were killed.

But still, protected by the red bricks of the Ebenezer Church, MLK spoke on, and his congregation listened.

And technology captured it all, the words, the silence, so that forty years later, an overly emotional bfp could sit in the same hall thousands of others had, hear the message and accept it into my life as millions before me did.

***

There's probably not many people that would consider playing old recordings in a church to be any type of "media." In the day and age of corporate controlled media and "if it bleeds it leads" local media, we have grown accustomed to the idea that media is something you get from the television or internet and is supplied by "reporters' and 'journalists'--aka people who went to school. We are inherently distrustful of "unreliable" news--reporting from those with no degree or not legitimized through corporations or news that isn't reported through television or the internet, or even worse, that which is deemed as "biased".

And yet, while I am comfortable in assuming nobody can remember last night's local news (or more likely, didn't even watch it), all of us have at some point, heard or watched at least parts of MLK's speeches. All of us, at some point or another, have been forced to interact with his message, his community's message.

Because whether we acknowledge it or not, MLK's speeches act as a timeless indicator of his community--both the black community in general as well as the local community he grew up in (the Sweet Auburn community) and the local community he organized in (Alabama).

In the Dream speech, MLK connected the shared experience of violence against black folks across the U.S. such that a community was formed:

We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

At the same time, however, he kept his speech firmly grounded in his local community:

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

And through the constant replaying of his speech, through the transcribing of his speech by mothers and activists, through the discussion of his speech in churches and dorms and community shelters, the black community in New York heard of the injustices perpetrated against their families in Georgia and local Birminghamians discovered things weren't so great up North. Sharecropper connected to factory worker through a speech. A feat that most of us, even in this day and age of advanced technology, can't legitimately say "media" does for us.

All communities of color, no matter where they are, how rich or poor they are, how big, small, new, old, troubled or free, can name specific times their community was or will be mentioned on the news--1. when the men of the community fucked up some how or 2. when the community can be used to help show the world what great amazing and concerned people politicians are (ala, New Orleans).

We all know this with alarming clarity--and yet there are so many of us who do not include media justice in our liberatory agendas. There are so few of us who consider the historic and creative ways that our communities have created our own "media":

"There are five square knots on the quilt every two inches apart.
They escaped on the fifth knot on the tenth pattern and went to Ontario.
The monkey wrench turns the wagon wheel toward Canada on a bear's
paw trail to the crossroads ..."

Salt Satyagraha

Some how, some way, when the need was there but the resources weren't, we managed to get the message that needed to get put out to the community (or out to the world), out there. We moved past newspapers or television and went on month long walks to salt mines. We made songs and taught them to people traveling down river, we painted murals on freeways and highways that sliced through our communities, we wrote chain letters, we set up free historic sites that anybody in the world can come to, we made movies, we wore traditional clothing, we graffitied buses--just to name a few things.

We have a history in ALL of our communities of finding ways to communicate with each other in ways that are private and open, immediate and timeless, local and general.

And here we sit today--still sure "media" means corporate news, that "legitimate" means news that only talks about us when we can be used--we are sure of this even as one the biggest corporate destructions of our "media" stands not so much as the take over of BET or Univision--but the very careful rewriting of MLK's words by racist liberals, conservatives and radicals alike. Local injustice and general community building being completely overwritten by firm assurances of color-blindness and "forgiveness." A community born message of resistance against historic structural oppression defanged to nothing more than a sound bite of feel good kumbaya hipness.

But the question must be asked, if MLK's speeches aren't radical media making at its finest, why are they still being attacked through manipulation long after BET and Univision have capitulated to corporate dominance? To put it more plainly--how many times have you seen white (or even colored) politicians, media makers, bloggers, teachers, community members, etc rail against BET or Univision? By way of contrast, how many times have politicians, media makers, bloggers, teachers, community members etc misquoted, misinterpreted, or misrepresented an MLK speech?

MLK's speeches are a threat to a white supremacist structure because they can't be controlled by that structure. They are grounded in community that still exists today, and that still, for the most part, takes the same abuse and violence that it did back in 1963. A community that still aches to hear the message, that is still desperate to believe things can change.

And for all the manipulation, thievery, and self-righteous false knowledge of MLK's words on the part of the white supremacist structures of power, any person in the world can still go to the MLK historic site and find out the truth. Or google MLK speeches and find out the truth. Or go to the book store, or rent recordings from the library, or read the spray painted walls of the ghetto, or watch a Spike Lee film, or talk to their momma or granny.

MLK's speeches are a threat, because they can be communicated in ways that aren't dependent upon white supremacist media structures. And as such, even forty years after they were delivered, our communities know the real words, know the real meanings, and continue to use our in own methods of communication to spread the word and incite our communities to action.

Radical media making at it's finest.

So the question becomes for those of us who are bloggers--how can our blogs similarly act as radical media?

For far too long, blogging has been recognized as something that is elitist, white centered, inaccessible and really, when it boils right down to it, sorta self indulgent.

And yet, in spite of these critiques, we all know that there is also (as in the real world) the underside of blogging that rarely gets talked about. Like the fact that a lot of poor people use the internet to gain access to alternative eating and medical options. Or that youths of color are using the internet to organize movements. Or that the queer Arab community is finding each other through the internet. Or that the disabled community is strongly present in the blogging world--and to say that the internet provides no space to organize is actually quite abelist.

We know that, as always, we are finding our own ways to communicate--and that the question is not really should we use the internet as a form of media making/communication--but rather instead, how will we use this form of media to spread the word about our communities? What will our blogs document? What story will they tell?

***

While googling for pictures of Ebeneezer Church, I found this picture:

If you overlook the crowd of white folks out front for just a moment, and look in back of them--and then recall the picture way at the top of the post--you'll see, just like I did--there's a story there. There's a story in that imagery that needs to be told. A story that's probably waited much to long to be told. Or more accurately, it's probably waited too long to be noticed by people who aren't a part of the Sweet Auburn community.

But even so--without me saying it, I know that most of us know the story. Because it's the story of all of our communities as well.

And for me--that's what blogging can do--that's where blogging can lead us, what it can document.

The forever story of our community's burden.

The forever story of our community's resistance.

I leave you with the words of MLK as explained by media justice activist, Amy Goodman.
Please be sure to pass them on.
So we can all get to the mountaintop together.

AMC 2007

2007-06-28T13:51:00.001-04:00

chilling for a bit...

2007-06-27T20:06:00.000-04:00

**to donna, sorry I keep forgetting to cross post my posts over here!!!!!

Well, it seems that I have finished everything that needs to be finished for the moment--I'm trying to calm down and enjoy a bit of a chill...

I joined that face book thing--I have no idea what it is supposed to do, I get the feeling you're supposed to stare at your wall all day, waiting for somebody to write on it. But then I just found out that you're not supposed to write on your own wall--so I really really don't know what the point is. But it looks cool and everything.

My upcoming trip to the USSF has been made completely possible by the generosity of donations--VeganKid has offered crash space, Frowner has made the blogging aspect possible, and multiple people have donated money so I could get a ticket and eat. I can't possibly thank everybody enough.
A note of thanks:

VIDEO

I never really thought about it before this weekend, but controlling the mobility of a people is a HUGE way to control the people. See this post (the videos for those of you who can't read persian) for commentary and videos of a petrol rationing by Iran (h/t to Maryam Namazi). And then this weekend I learned about CODEP's--work to bring alternative travel options to those who don't want to support paramilitaries (paramilitaries control the cab service, whenever you take a cab, you are supporting paramilitary action). And of course, there's the upcoming Indigenous blockade of Canadian rails.

It's made me consider how transportation is controlled in the U.S. How the people in the U.S. are controlled through their need for transportation--how those who don't have adequate reliable transportation are often restricted not just in their ability to be mobile--but also in their ability to attend school, have a job, get to a hospital/doctors office, go shopping, and so many other things. It made me think about how the poorest people in the U.S., those in rural and inner city areas, either don't have any transportation options at all, or the transportation is so unreliable, unsafe, and irregular--it's as good as not having transportation. It made me think about that scene in Smoke Signals where the women give the men a ride in their car--their car that only drives in reverse. It also made me think about how in the olden days, before computerized cars, Mexicans could fix any car problem with a little bit of tape and wire hanger.

What does it mean that these days, when a car breaks down, you have to pay corrupt mechanics 150$ an hour to fix something that could have been fixed with a piece of duct tape back in the day?

What does it mean that our transportation options are constantly restricted and controlled through gas prices, car seizures because of unpaid tickets, unaffordable car maintenance, underfunded public transportation, and unsafe neighborhoods (who's gonna walk to work in Flint Michigan at 5 AM)?

What would a feminist intervention into transportation in the community look like? I know Critical Mass has done some amazing work mobilizing around bike riding--but I can tell you right now--in Ann Arbor/Ypsi--only rich people ride bikes. They are the only ones that can afford to buy them, much less maintain them. But the community demand is there--we've had two bikes stolen in the past year. And trust me, these bikes were the equivalent of the Yugo. They were cheap, busted up, 70$ target bikes. One of them had one peddle and breaks that only worked if you shifted the bike into one of the upper gears first to slow it down. And it was still stolen.

How could radical minded folks make quality bikes available to the masses?

on a related note--read this:

Don’t drink the bottled water,
it’s stolen. It came from the mountain
and flowed through the town,
where people drank and swam,
where they pissed under the sun, where
they let their sewage collect downstream
where it quaked and stank
until the rains flooded
and swept the banks clean. Who
can deny it? Man is a beast.
He thirsts and goes mad without water.
His shit stinks, but water washes it away.
He raises his face to the warm rain
and heedlessly thanks the heavens.
Tell me, friend, who owns the clouds?
Who owns the time of day the rain falls?
Who owns the riverbed and the cracks in the earth?
MORE

More later--

We're in Deep Doo Doo

2007-06-27T10:57:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone. There is still so much I want to say but so little time to say it. Right now I am supposed to be on the road headed back from NH to CT, but while I am waiting on the kids I thought I could put up a quick post.

My husband always has big dreams and always thinks we have more than we really do. I remember when I first met him he would have plans for dates that I just knew were more expensive than he planned for, lucky for him I always took a pocketful o' cash to pay for the difference. I can't exactly do it this time. I warned him to stop looking at the fancy pants houses and look for fixer uppers that over time could be fancy pants houses with a little saving and work on our parts. Oh no, we have to have it all NOW! Well we made an offer on a fancy pants house and he was already preapproved but he is just taking a look at what that mortgage really is all about. It's half his pay. Really. We aren't even talking phone bill, electric, oil, cable or internet, groceries, upkeep etc. Just the mortgage. And he thought he would have enough to put 20% down on the house from the sale of the last house. Well sure he does, if there was no such thing as closing costs, inspections, tax escrow, etc. We don't have it and now we will need a second mortgage to cover those costs.

And I already talked him out of worse. He was looking at houses 50 to 75 thousand more than the one we got. It's times like this I wish white people, including my husband, weren't all about keeping up with the Joneses. I know he was thinking, gosh, we are going to have the best house out of all our friends and family! Yeah we do, but now we don't have enough to get an orthodontist for my oldest son's braces. Now I will need a full time job. Now he will have to work overtime all the time. All for the house and not much else. My kids won't have a Christmas, but they'll live in a big barn of a house. My 16 yr old won't be able to get a license. We can't afford the lessons, the insurance, or a car for him even a beat up piece of crap.

I am not a happy person right now and all I can hope is that somehow this deal falls through, that the home inspector finds serious flaws with this house or something like that.

Gilliard/Gilbert/Jesus' General Flaming

2007-06-16T00:13:00.000-04:00

Hello from Connecticut. I arrived here safely over a week ago but as I mentioned previously, I wasn't sure what sort of opportunity I would have to read or post. Not much is the answer, but I have made a few quick checks online and have seen some of the latest flamewar and that many bloggers I like and respect have gone on hiatus or are quitting completely (I hope they change their minds at a later date!)

I want to say a few things about the Steve Gilliard/Brittney flamewar. First, I feel badly for Zuzu. I don't know how many times I or other POC have said that we hate having what feels like purely academic theoretical discussion with white people about race, because for us we are talking about our real experiences, feelings, and lives. Our humanity is under the microscope and being ignored or dismissed or denigrated about it doesn't feel too good to us. Are we being oversensitive, or are those white people insensitive? This is exactly what is happening to Zuzu. It really doesn't matter what Brittney's intentions were when Zuzu feels like she has been kicked in the teeth. Is Zuzu being oversensitive or is BG insensitive? I think BG was insensitive and should have known that when a popular young blogger dies many people would be doing searches for any information about his life and untimely death and come upon that posting. But this is not an evil vs good moment either. I disagree with the blogswarm against BG and don't think that she should have quit her job over this either... a cop shoots a teen in the back because he was running away after shoplifting, the punishment does not fit the crime. The punishment does not fit the crime here either.

I really wish BG had been able to step back and see how painful that post had to be for those mourning Steve Gilliard's death, I really wish she had just taken the short amount of time and effort to change the title of the post and/or add comments to it to express how vile she believed it to be. But I also wish that Jesus General and his supporters would have de-escalated after being told about who BG is and what her intentions were. If I had been online throughout this, initially I would have attributed JG's reaction entirely to grief and disagreed with Ilyka about the sexism, but I came in late and saw what his commenters said and that he did nothing to discourage it. This is exactly what I was talking about when I said that Feministing is unsafe for POC, they do/did little to discourage racist/white supremacist language at their site. (I haven't been there since the blogwar over FFF and resulting friction between WOC and Feministing, so I don't know what they have done to improve comments moderation. They did say they were discussing this and I'd give my eyeteeth to see better relationships between major feminist blogs geared towards white audiences and those of us in the WOC arena.)

People can have more than one reason or motive for the things they do and say. I actually believe JG when he says that he went after BG because she blogs for a ABC affiliate, because he didn't want to send traffic to smantix etc. I also think it was due to grief and...sexism. I concluded this because he either doesn't recognize sexist language amongst his commenters or condones it, it's not a huge leap in logic to think that he might see a woman as an easier target than a man too. As I said when criticizing Feministing, you don't have to ban people or delete posts, I know that JG has a light touch when it comes to moderating, but all he had to do was make a comment indicating that he doesn't agree with what a commenter is saying, doesn't even matter if it is direct or snarky. If he does that, he lets the people on his site know what he thinks of sexism instead of having so many wonder if he agrees with the sentiments. And the weird part to me is this is exactly what he was asking BG to do, to clarify if she agrees with that vile post, why can't JG do the same when a commenter steps over the line with sexist or misogynist language?

I consider Democommie a friend, I have had private email exchanges with him and hope that one day we will meet. If I had been online during this I would have explained to him that calling a woman "kitten" is the same as calling a black man "boy". That's why it's sexist, it dismisses the woman as a child not worth responding to, the same goes for his explanation about putting women up on pedestals and firing with both barrels at men. Native Americans know that when people idealize us as stoic, mystical, and wise it isn't a good thing. Asians know the same about the model minority label. The same goes here. There is a tendency to use the pedestal as a way of keeping people in their place and an unspoken assumption that they can either stay there or in the gutter, no in between, no being a fallible human like yourself.

The posting I found most upsetting personally was at Sadly, No! It reinforced what I have discovered most recently about the liberal/democratic/progressive white blogosphere. The post and so many of the comments are willfully ignorant about sexism and racism. Do these people really not see the racism in what Maha said? And I am not talking about the end where she says that black people are racist (which I strongly disagree with but understand what they mean and see as a distraction to the rest of the problems with the post), the rest of it is condescending and dismissive. I still want to hear a blogger from a major white blog answer my question; If that table had been all men, would they have expected any anger from women bloggers? Or would leaving them out have been just as ok as leaving POC bloggers out? Without identity politics that table would have been all men. It is women bloggers fighting tooth and nail for recognition, respect, and equality that got those women there.

I'm too tired and demoralized to go through the whole 700+ comments thread but will leave you with a couple of them.

Jillian said:

…identity politics is not just a function of being a minority and feeling marginalized, it’s the belief that marginalization gives you a sort of privileged access to the nature of reality. And it is a deeply harmful thing to believe. But how do you attempt to reason with someone who believes their ability to perceive reality is more accurate than yours - which conveniently allows them to dismiss anything you say which they do not like?

Jillian just turned white male privilege on it's head. See it's not white's or men who have privileged access to the nature of reality or dismiss us because their perception of reality is more accurate than ours. We don't know racism when we experience it, we don't know sexism when we experience it. No, just let the white men tell us when racism and sexism are real. They have no vested interest in telling us that the way we got crapped on which is the same as the way we got crapped on before and that other time and the time before that, it's all a coincidence! No racism or sexism involved in the fact that whites and men do these crappy things to us ALL THE TIME!

Random Observer said:

That is my interest here. Not in defending some awful troll speaking ill of the dead. People who loved and respected Mr. Gilliard are not the “stupid, self-righteous morons” I was referring to.

What I found interesting about this quote is that Random Observer's main point is that saying, "It's not about you." is an invalid argument. But that quote is clarifying what he said, and basically saying "it's not about you." This really isn't a difficult concept. In the heat of the moment people make sweeping statements about a majority of a group who angered them. There will be a minority who don't fit the bill, it's not about them. If what you read makes you say, "Hey! I resemble that remark!" then it's probably about you. On the other hand, if you go in saying, "But I don't do that!" then it's not about you and quit identifying with the assholes who do those things.

What Random Observer and the others slamming Zuzu don't get is that Zuzu isn't mistaken or identifying with assholes, she knows that it's not about her, and that is what pisses her off. She wants it to be about her and wants someone to acknowledge her rational pain and disgust. This is what happened between WOC bloggers and the post Jill ran about FFF critics. She ignored us and specifically excluded us and our real concerns, just like Zuzu is being ignored and excluded. Zuzu's complaints deserve attention, but it doesn't fit the framing some are making, so they try to exclude and ignore her valid points. I'm not saying I would completely agree with everything Zuzu says but it tears me up the way she is being treated.

sexual violence in australian aboriginal communities

2007-06-15T12:09:00.000-04:00

This article from BBC News points to the horrific level of sexual violence aboriginal children experience in Australia.

As I was reading the article however, I was wondering why this report (also compiled by the Australian government) was not mentioned or referenced any where in the article. The report, called the Bringing the Home Report, investigated the effects of the government sponsored forced removal of children from their parents on the aboriginal community.

The report documented children forced to work in migrant communities and as cleaning ladies, intense physical repercussions for wetting the bed or not eating maggot infested food, constant sexual violence, and foster "parents" that used the children as servants, sexual tools and/or beating posts.

This policy was in effect between 1885 and 1969. Could the fact that there are multiple generations of aboriginal peoples whose official "parent" was a brutal colonizing nation/state intent on their destruction have anything to do with how the community is now raising their children?

men of color, sexuality, liberation, female autonomy

2007-06-10T00:29:00.001-04:00

It seems that I have really pissed off a lot of men of color lately. amongst some of my unapproved comments: "fuck you and everyone here," "fuck who made this website," and a really beautiful "fuck you" in Arabic (I've been told to fuck off in three languages now!!!).

I hold no naive belief that I can possibly change the mind of the man of color that calls me a traitor or a whore or tells me to fuck off.

So I want to talk to the men of color that I think will listen to me. The ones that respectfully listen when women of color share their experiences, the ones that respect our spaces, the ones that support and believe in feminism--the ones that oh so rarely actually talk about any of the issues and their places within any of the issues that feminists of color are talking about.

The men who are currently posting comments are pissed off about this post. And before anybody jumps all over the idea that these men's reactions reflect "their culture"--please remember that only a few weeks ago, I was called a vendida for this post. I've also been called a thunder cunt by black man and told that he hopes I crash in my car and that I need to be fist fucked. Throughout my blogging career, I've received multiple threats like this--and just this morning, I got this comment from a (presumably) white man:

Women are not welcome at protests because women screw everything up by making stupid decisions.
Don’t start a fight you can’t finish ladies.
-Dick

So this sexism/violence not something that is specific to a certain race or culture.

And yet it is something I rarely hear men of color activists talk about--and when they do, more times than not, it's in a very specific sense--women as hyper victims of European colonization, or women as loyal supporters of national liberation.

Specifically, women have been brutalized beyond all sense of the word by white people, and therefore that brutalization stands as proof of the ultimate evil of white people. OR, we are all comrades in the fight--we are all working together for the common goal of "liberation"--liberation that happens to require women reinforce a certain gender role that many women may not want to reinforce.

There are several things wrong with each of these ideas.

First, to be brutalized is a very real thing. Not one woman of color denies that women in her particular community have been brutalized. But to use one part of our history as proof of the inherent evil of the white race does little more than position us as a tool to use in YOUR (i.e. MALE) battle against white structures of power. We are only good for the movement as long as we are submissively down cast, our fierce angry hearts silenced and cold in the name of liberation.

It also positions us as the eternal victims--the ones that can not fight shoulder to shoulder because we are "weak." The fact that we could be brutalized in the manner we were proves it, right? Only weak people are raped--forced down on to their hands and knees, forced to accept physical penetration. And that is NOT what a man is, right? "Manly" violence is being arrested unjustly by the cops, being beaten, being shot in the streets, dying like a hero, pretending that a tragedy is a bit more bearable because a brother died like a warrior, on his feet and fighting.

Except, my brothers, we know you and your history as much as you know ours.

We know the little boy that was raped by priests until he killed himself with alcohol or drugs. We know the little boy that had his penis cut off because he whistled at a white woman. We know his father who had his own genitals ripped off and shoved in his mouth right before he was set on fire. We know how your (not work safe)painful history is appropriated (just like ours) by people that would do you harm and revel in it.

We know this about you, because we were there also being violated, also being terrorized, also forced to watch while you writhed, listen while you screamed. We also had to find ways to not fall apart when white mistresses took you for the night, and we cringe from the same embarrassment when our sexuality is used to animalize us.

We know this about you--and yet, how often do we all talk about it? How often do you lead discussions on it? How often do you lead the warrior chant at rallies "NO MORE RAPE", scream about the evils of the rapist white man that sexually manipulated your brother?

We all know the answer to that.

And why don't you all position yourselves as the sexualized victim of white men? Is it because you do not want to be defined by your violation? Is it because you don't want to use the pain of your brother to make a political point? Is it because you don't want to be a victim, like a woman?

Why do you think we want to be defined by ours? Why do you think it's ok to make a political point with our pain? And why don't you want to be like a woman? Is there something wrong with women?

Second--the "we are all comrades" idea. This is where, as activists, we all get together because of the violations we are experiencing, we all decide to work together for liberation--and then BAM! Any sexist, dismissive, violent action on the part of males against females becomes instantaneously acceptable, all in the name of "liberation." This is where young university women are expected to do the laundry and homework of men of color. And where men protect other men in the name of "liberation,"

Leonard Peltier on the murder of Ana Mae Aquash by AIM members:

I fear that John Boy will not receive a fair trial in the US anymore than I did. I must remind you, it is court record that the FBI lied to extradite me back to the US. I know that their behavior hasn't changed just as I know that Anna Mae was not an informant. As much as I want justice for Anna Mae, I likewise do not want an injustice to be enacted against one of our own in the name of crime-solving--so that some finger-pointing government lackey can get a feather in his cap.

And where we are expected to look a certain way when we protest:

this picture is lies !
you are belie about palestinian women .just see this link

And we are expected to protest for certain things:

But when it is used as a purely sexist or gay/lesbian tool against all males or to dominate or negate the progressive idealism of Chicana/Chicano Studies with a feminist/gay/lesbian agenda, it is then that they are in full mimic of their white feminist/gay/lesbian racist masters, and thus become traitors to their own people. Those with a Feminist or Gay/Lesbian agenda could have started their own studies without destroying Chicana/Chicano Studies.

And we are expected to protest in certain ways:

He is taught by observation that the Chicanas are only useful in areas of clerical and sexual activities. When something must be done there is always a Chicana there to do the work. “It is her place and duty to stand behind and back up her Macho!”

All in the name of liberation.

But, I must ask, who is being liberated when half of the community is expected to follow such rules as they liberate themselves? Who is being liberated when half of the community are dealt horrible repercussions that mimic on every level the violence they have experienced at the hands of white structures of power when they speak out?

Who is being liberated? Is it females?

By this time in the game, all of us know that "no means no." We all know rape is wrong, we all know that hitting a woman is wrong--and yet even so-- Men control the women in their communities in ways that are much subtler than rape--they may speak out aggressively against rape, but they also never seem to notice much that not one of the various organizations they have organized with has ever supported or stood in solidarity with lesbians of color. They may not have even noticed that there has never been an out lesbian at any of the protests/meetings/get togethers they've participated in.

They may stand in solidarity with all women of color who have been raped by white men, but they never seem to quite notice that women don't stop being raped after "rape awareness week" is over. And they never seem to realize how "rape' is consistently redefined to mean different things-- if it's done through emotional pressure (you won't be a "real" chicana/native american/chinese woman/indian etc unless you do me) rather than physical violence, it's not "rape".

And they never seem to notice that all of their organizing centers race--a word that consistently defaults to "male." Because when Tookie Williams is on death row or another man has been shot in the streets it's always very clear the violence men experience promotes a sense of urgency, the violence women experience, it's not as brutal, it's not as intense, it's not as in your face--it's not as important.

The silence of women of color in "race based organizing" does not mean every thing's ok--it means that we are shut up, hidden away, shoved into a corner, mocked into silence--it means that there are things we know better than to talk about in your presence.

Is that Ok? That half the population monitors itself and checks itself in your presence?

At the same time, it's not like feminists of color have never spoken out either--we have and we do. It was other native women that buried Ana Mae, working together to dig the hole and perform the ceremony. Even as the men of AIM did what they could to distance themselves from Ana, most not even attending her funeral.

Could women's voices ring any louder?

And they aren't the only ones. The Combahee River Collective, Women of all Red Nations, the Latina Health Organization, Incite! Women of Color Against Violence, UBUNTU, ASWAT, CARA--and so many others--SO many amazing others speak out every single day. Not to mention all the amazing woc scholars that speak out. And all the bloggers, and artists, and musicians, movie makers, and writers.

The message is there--and yet, so few men of color, even progressive/radical men of color that may even consider themselves feminists or feminist allies, are actually interacting with the message. So few men of color are demanding that other brothers pay attention to the message and interact with it--so many more times, men of color are mired in their own profound silences. Silences that I won't even attempt to name. That is a job for ya'll to do.

But I will say that it's past time for men of color who consider themselves allies to women of color, who recognize that their freedom can't come at the expense the women who share their history, to meditate on and interact with the words, the ideas, the actions of the women of their communities. It's time for them to contemplate something deeper and more profound than "rape=bad"--it's time for them to look at their own roles in the creation of "race=male," and why it is that every woman of color I have read, talked to, interacted with, watched, heard of, all have an extremely thoughtful critique of various issues like Tookie Williams, Leonard Peltier, hip hop, Abu Ghraib, suicide bombers, lynching, etc etc etc--and yet most men of color don't even know that Latinas, black women, and Native women are ALL disproportionately imprisoned compared to their white counter parts. Or that Asian women are committing suicide in frightening numbers. Or that our work around rape extends well beyond a "no means no" campaign. Or that the women men do organize with have all probably been on some type of harmful birth control at one point or another. And they've all also probably carefully weighed their words at some point or another--considered how they could say something in the "right way".

It's time for men to contemplate this in meaningful, thoughtful and transparent ways, with other men of color, with boys of color, with the men that call us bitch, cunt, vendida, traitor, thundercunts, ho's, nappy headed, ugly.

It's time to push this thing to the next level, to put your money where your mouth is.

It's time to push this to the next level, so we ALL can be free.

much love to you,
bfp

police brutality, anarchism, europe, feminism

2007-06-08T16:49:00.001-04:00

In response to this comment thread, I found this video, which appears to be created by an anarchist in germany and details instances of European police brutality. (I could be wrong in guessing this, I don't know much at *all* about anarchists/anarchist movement in Germany, and the video blurb doesn't give much clarification, so somebody correct me, please, if i'm wrong!!!!)

(P.S. Video has LOTS of disturbing images and has been flagged by the youtube community, so watch at your own risk)

(and just on a side note, the thing I noticed watching the video was that there were *no* women throughout the video. it made me think about how nation/state violence plays out against women at protests and how men on the left are quite capable of using a righteous cause to violate and brutalize women. are women not to be a part of liberation? does community liberation come at the cost of the health and freedom of the women of the community? And how is this protest images above different from this one?

or from this?
>

Gratitude & An Explanation Or Two

2007-06-06T00:16:00.000-04:00

First a huge thank you to BfP for stepping up for me and cross posting some of the best content from her site over here. But it's time that I should get my act together and come up with some content myself.

I guess I ought to explain a few things to newer readers and maybe some not so new readers. I've gotten a few confused comments from people saying, I thought you were gone, or too busy, etc. Most I hope are genuinely confused, but there has been an undercurrent to a couple where it sounds like the writer thinks I am lying or creating drama. I gave my goodbye cruel world post a week and a half ago thinking I wouldn't have internet access, when instead I was only cut off for a few days. I did find the time to set up another computer to the internet after I packed my own. We have three computers, which I explained back in November, my husband worked massive amounts of overtime in order to get the kids their own desktop, instead of sharing with me, and got me a laptop for Christmas this year.

So yes, even though I was very tired and aching from packing up the house and cleaning all day, late at night I missed reading blogs and emails so I took a half hour to set up the kids computer to that DSL thingee just so I could have internet access for one more lousy week! And now we are staying in a hotel so that the kids can finish up school and the hotel has open wireless, so I am tapping away on the laptop. Also, my sisters and my father all have internet access, so while I am staying with them I will be able to find time to at least check email and maybe post to the blog or comment on others blogs, I just don't know what the plans are or how busy I will be at the moment so I hate to make any promises that I will be around at all.

The other thing most regulars know is that I have three herniated cervical disks which causes alot of pain in my neck and shoulders and numbness down my left arm. All the cleaning, packing, and lifting has made that alot worse. I have meds for the pain but it causes problems with my short term memory and just plain ability to think clearly. Since I've gone from 3 pills per day to 6 or 7, I'm pretty much in a fog most of the time. The few paragraphs I have typed here have taken me over an hour to write. Half the time I can't remember where I was going with this, or I can't remember the words I want to use and have to stop and reread or think about it. The most frustrating thing for me is reading blogs, if the article or post is really long, I have extreme difficulty following it because I forget what was said in the earliest paragraphs and have to reread again and again.

I wanted to explain that because I may or may not have the ability to post even though I am online. I have to get some rest so that I don't need as many pills and can retrieve my brain! And once I have my brain functioning well again, I may not have time to be online. That's whats up with me for now. I only took 4 pills today so things are getting better and hopefully soon I will see if I can put up a post or two about some other things I've been thinking about and wanting to talk about.

the JFK "plot"

2007-06-05T14:36:00.002-04:00

via UK Indymedia

The weekend’s news in the US was dominated by screaming headlines and sensationalist broadcast coverage of an alleged plot in New York to blow up John F. Kennedy International Airport’s jet fuel tanks and supply lines. The attack would have been, according to many accounts, “more devastating than September 11.”

Four men were charged in an indictment [ http://www.usdoj.gov/usao/nye/pr/2007/Defreitas.complaint.pdf] unveiled Sunday that included features that have become almost invariable in every such “terror” case brought by the government in recent years. First, the suspects had not only carried out no acts of terror, but they apparently lacked any means to realize such an attack. Second, a central figure in the alleged plot was a paid undercover informant of the FBI. MORE

G8 summit and Africa

2007-06-05T14:36:00.001-04:00

An interesting article on the G8's role in continuing the colonization of African countries.

If you need any further evidence G8 summits are acts of imperialism/colonization, notice how the presence of an entire continent of countries is reduced to one representative (Ghana’s President John Agyekum Kufuor), and yet the European Union has multiple representatives (The United Kingdom, Italy, Germany, France).

Also notice how many of the G8 members have *extensive* histories of global colonization:
The United Kingdom, The United States, Italy, Germany, France, Japan and Russia. Which equals every country but Canada. And Canada--with its history as a colonial outpost of England (and it's current presence in Iraq and Afghanistan), it's not like it's clueless when it comes to the methods of colonization.

It makes the summit's stated intention of "helping Africa to develop" pretty frightening, huh?

New Life

2007-06-03T18:16:00.001-04:00

I've been thinking a lot about Nadia's post about sexual violence and historical trauma. In the post, Nadia states:

Reading this article makes me think about the types of historical trauma we as Palestinians, and Arabs in general, are carrying around with us. When Maria Yellow Horse Brave Heart speaks about sobbing uncontrollably after viewing a photograph of her ancestors, it reminds me of the way I feel when viewing photos like the one at the top of this post. It reminds me of last summer in Italy, driving through mountains and valleys on our way home to Gagliano. After viewing miles of olive trees out the car window, the same trees we passed every time we went into Sulmona, I burst into tears and felt sad, as if in mourning, the rest of the day. I was mourning, mourning all the things that were taken away from my ancestors, all the things that continue to be taken away, the things we can’t ever get back. This is something that makes me find fault with the term “historical trauma”–it’s not just historical, it’s current. While I am experiencing historical trauma, others are experiencing the trauma firsthand. I guess this is what makes historical trauma secondary trauma, especially in our case. But how does that relate to our conception of ourselves as Palestinians? How much does this legacy of suffering affect our self perceptions, and how willing are we to be defined by it?

Nadia's words brought me back to a time, about two years ago, when I was at a fruit market. I was standing in front of a pile of bananas, and suddenly, for what appeared to be no reason, I almost threw up. I got very shaky and dizzy and almost started crying--I had to go sit out in the car while the family finished up the shopping.

At the time, I sensed what was wrong, but I didn't have the words to articulate it. I spoke of the incident to one other person--I told her how the voices of the mostly Mexican migrant workers in the shop had come together with the warm smell of the huge pile of bananas, and suddenly, I could see the brown hands that hacked the bananas off the trees, I could feel the hunger in his stomach, the heat of the sun on his skin, sucking the sweat out of his body--and I couldn't touch the bananas--i couldn't touch them because what I wanted to touch were the hands, the brown callused hands, that had made it possible for me to feed my newly born baby.

The person I told this to said nothing--just nodded with a soft look on her face.
That is what I needed at the time.

***

Money was always an issue for my family. But it's important to note that even though I come from a chronically working class poor household, my life wouldn't have been much different if I had come from a well off household. Work was admired in my family--in my community.

I worked in the fields from the time I was about 11 until I was about 13. At that point I switched to a job as a news paper delivery person. And eventually, when I was old enough, I worked at Mc Donalds.

And their were two common factors running through my experiences at each of these jobs. First, I was never the only Chicana/Mexicana at the particular job. Especially while working in the fields, there was always an overwhelming amount of brown people (of all ages, mothers, grandmothers, children as young as 2 or 3) working there.

The other factor was that I always *wanted* to be working. I didn't see anything wrong with being 11 years old and working 8-10 hours a day with one break for lunch. I *embraced* the feeling of tired, the feeling of independence, the self-assurance that now, no matter what happened, I would have the power to take care of myself.

And I wasn't alone in that feeling. In working class Chicano communities, work is how you prove yourself to be an adult. In general, nobody really much cared when 15 year-olds got pregnant, because they were working and/or they had a spouse that was working and it was just understood--once you had the power to live on your own, you had the power to make your own decisions. Similarly, when boys came home and said they dropped out of school to get a job, there may have been some angst--but mostly, there was ambivilence or even admiration for the boy. He was a man now.

***

I enjoyed the feelings that hard physical labor brought about in my body. The deep dreamless sleep the came after hours and hours of picking, the clean empty way your brain feels when your whole body is concentrating on not passing out--I even enjoyed the tenderness of my skin, puffy and red, as it recovered from multiple burns, bruises and cuts from spattering oil, hot grills, and tomato slicers. Physically--to move your body to the point of sweat--it just feels good.

It wasn't until I was a 19-year-old living on my own, working at a popular restaurant chain that this changed. I had left home for a good shortly before my graduation. I had nobody except myself to rely on in any way--and as a result, I was working anywhere from 50-80 hours a week, often as much as 20 hours a day. And as the lone female working in a position that required lots of physical labor (grill cook), I got endless flak from male grill cooks for needing help with lifting or things like that. So I pretty much figured out how to do it myself.

And eventually, the sexual harassment began--lots of touching, rubbing against, grabbing every single day. Touching, rubbing and grabbing that I was forced to make a decision about every time it happened. Did I want to make a big deal out of this? Did I want to further cement my reputation as an incorrigible troublemaker with my bosses? Did I want to be alienated from the guys even further for 20 hour work shifts? The one time my breasts were grabbed in front of several people, I was told by my managers that I shouldn't have been in the position where I was--that I shouldn't have been joking around with the guy who grabbed me. And because the guy was black and I was white and it was Flint, the ensuing racial strife and tension in the place where I spent up to 80 hours of my life was almost unbearable.

But I couldn't leave.

I had worked my way up to making 8$'s an hour--and I knew if I quit and went to a different resturant, I would have to start all over again back at 5.00$ an hour. And I also knew that there would be no guarantee that I would get my 20-40 hours of over time. Overtime was where I made the money to pay for hospital bills and to keep my ass off the streets.

So I stayed. And I took it. My body took the abuse, the extreme physical labor, the mental strain--and eventually also took the asthma and anxiety attacks, the arm and hip trauma that resulted from constant repetition, the mental breakdowns that left me locked in my apartment on days off, alternatively sobbing and staring at the wall.

I took it because if I didn't I would be on the streets. And if I didn't--I would be a failure. I was not able to make it on my own. I was not a real grown up. I was not a real Mexican. And for somebody who already didn't qualify as a real Mexican on other physical levels (my pale skin, my inability to speak Spanish), the idea that there was another way I could prove I wasn't real--it was intolerable. Self preservation and cultural identity were all tied up into one messy physically disintegrating body.

***

It wasn't until I was pregnant with my first child that the disintegration began to become obvious to me. Due to extreme health problems, I was forced to spend most of my pregnancy lying down doing nothing. The movements of the television made me sick, the sound of W*'s breathing made me sick, the smell of tap water made me sick, rolling over too quickly made me sick. I was in and out of the hospital and given pretty much *no* help by condescending doctors who told me "Every woman feels like shit when she's pregnant."

So I spent most of my day doozing in and out and thinking. Thinking about how shitty I felt because I wasn't working. W* and I have never been well off. We were only able to survive on one income because we lived in a one bedroom apartment in the middle of Flint Michigan. I knew he was working his ass off, I knew he was worried--and there was nothing I could do to help because I was so busy being sick.

And even more so--It was the first time since I was 11 years old that I wasn't working. The first time in almost 15 years that I wasn't earning an income of some sort. The first time I had to confront the way my body had been trained--the way my muscles and blood and brain had been trained by the demand to work.

I noticed how my muscles twitched involuntarily when a visitor needed a glass of water or a towel. The way blankets and blankets of guilt forced my body to crawl out of bed and try to help make dinner or take the dog out for a walk. The way, even 2 years after quitting my restaurant job, dreams would still invade my brain at night--dreams where I got handful after handful of orders to cook, dreams where I couldn't keep up, and I knew I was going to get fired and goddamn it I need this job, what am I going to do?

I couldn't rest and heal my body from pregnancy related sickness because I was so busy unraveling and recognizing for the first time the sense of desperation that had motivated almost my entire life.

I swung in and out of severe depressions that only alleviated once I was finally able to go back to work.

***

Although feminism saved my life on so many levels--at the same time, feminism also helped me to overlook the deeper more traumatic aspects of my life up until that point. The first feminist book I ever read was The Feminine Mystique. And while I am forever grateful to Betty Friedan for helping me to see I was not alone, her solution to the depression, pain, violence, of staying at home (get a job, basically) was not my solution. How could it be? The women she talked to had never worked, had never felt the inescapable heat of the sun beating on their heads for 8 hours a day, had never felt guilty for playing with toys rather than working, had never felt like a trapped animal day in and day out for 80 hours a week. I identified very strongly with the lack of humanity the women Friedan discussed felt and internalized. But they and I were not the same. And so our solutions could never be the same. But I didn't figure that one out for a long time.

***

Mexicans have bought into the myth as much as anybody else. We are hard workers--we are better than blacks because we work and they don't. We will do the work nobody else wants to, we will leave our children and loved ones to get them a better life. We will scavenge through deserts and risk being raped and shoot just for a 8$ an hour job. We patently ignore the violence this love of work does to our physical bodies and to our families.

And I understand why. When you have nothing else, when you have already been shamed in so many different ways, when your own English speaking children are embarrassed of your Spanish accented English, their eyes and ears judging you with the mind of that which hates you--what other choice to do you have? What other way do you have to make your children proud of you?

And really, all of us know that in spite of how much everybody beats education education education into our brains as the solution to our problems--things just aren't that easy. Not when schools are war zones. And Spanish speaking students are shoved into the back of the class and ignored until they teach themselves English. And college loans have a way of being bigger than the house loan. And nobody ever hires the spic anyway.

It's so much more complicated than even we allow ourselves to consider. Immigration reform will not help our children no longer feel lonely when they don't see us for 18 hours at a time. Getting paid more and eliminating sexism on the job will not give a childhood to children who migrate every year and must work in the fields after school. And indulgently looking away while mothers and fathers risk the desert to find a job does nothing to keep the lonely children back home from killing themselves.

It's so complicated--but we don't have the time to work through it all. We're busy trying avoid deportation, keep food on the table, keep our children off the streets, and keep our bodies from disintegrating into a pile of bruised mush, our minds no longer strong enough to push the mush to where it needs to go.

***

Nadia said in comments:

i have little choice but to support systems of oppression in everything i buy and eat. there are so few alternatives to it. that is an added dimension to secondary trauma; not only do you experience the trauma, but you are also in the position of having little choice but to force that trauma on others in your group. we have to pay taxes, and those taxes go towards military action against our people. we have to buy food and clothes, resulting in us financially supporting industries that exploit our people.

Even as my body recovers itself, even as my muscles learn how to move for their own reasons, I am participating in the exploitation of my own people--of mi raza. The bananas I eat to empower my body, keep me strong, are the same bananas that I know steal away the life of other brown workers. My road to recovery is based on the continued violence against my community.

Which is why I found myself standing in front of a pile of bananas ready to vomit. I know what the body's of those pickers look like, I know what their hands feel like, I know how their shoulders ache and how their skin burns to a dark red tomato color. I know because their bodies are mine.

And when I reach out to pick up bananas what I really want is to reach for the hands of my fellow worker, to hold his hands and tell him, promise him, that my health will not come at the cost of his health. That it will not come at the cost of his children's health.

But I can't do that.
And it destroys me.

***

I started keeping a garden about three years ago. And W* has been very patient with me--I get out and work for a few days, and then abandon the thing for weeks, forcing him to pick up the slack. At the same time, when he gets overwhelmed and decides he's going to stop working on it, I cry and beg and plead for him stick with it. I promise I'll help, and even do so diligently for a few weeks until I drop off again.

Because even though I've never been able to articulate it, I've always known that our little garden is liberatory to my community. Besides the fact that our little garden makes it so that we don't have to waste gas going to the store, makes it a few less bananas that children need to pick, etc etc--our little garden allows me a space to see what it feels like to have hard work stem from love, to have sweat result in nurturing and healing. It allows me the space to teach my children traditions on their terms--my son knows death is not forever, that death brings life. He and I have discussed it quite a bit while scattering dead leaves and mulch over our plants.

And my daughter, who is like me, and inclined to do things in bursts, plays off to the side of the garden, listening intently while she plays, coming over occasionally to ask questions and get clarification. She figured out all by herself that bombs destroy the earth, makes it impossible for new life to grow in a healthy and safe way. Something many full grown environmentalists haven't quite figured out.

It's just one garden. Just like the South Central garden was just one garden. And the Esperanza garden was just one garden. And the Avenue A was just a garden. All just gardens that teach the bodies of brown people, many times for the first time, what it feels like to create for oneself, what it feels like to move and sweat and breath all for oneself.

To make choices we have never been allowed to make.

To love ourselves the way we've never been allowed to.

New life arising from the disintegration.

~En Lucha~

FIERCE, violence against women of color, support

2007-05-31T12:23:00.000-04:00

Forwarded to me:

New York, NY April 2007
By Bran Fenner
Information/Updates based on court and trial support

On the night of August 18th, 2006 a group of young black lesbians from Jersey intended to hang out in the village as was an occasional routine until they encountered Wayne Buckle, 29. Buckle approached them making vulgar gestures and remarks that were severely homophobic and sexist. As the verbal interaction progressed Buckle eventually responded by spitting in one of their faces and flicking a lit cigarette at their faces as well. There were points captured on the video where he pulls out the hair of one of the young women leaving large patches, hair later found scattered on the ground. There are also parts of the footage as well as testimonial that shows Wayne Buckle on top of one of the women choking the life out of her. It was then that another young women (Patresse Johnson 4’11” 105 lbs. pulls a kitchen knife out of her purse to injure his arm and stop him from potentially killing her friend). At that moment two unidentified men came to the women’s aid without being asked to and beat Wayne Buckle. When asked at the hospital who had attacked him, Buckle responded at least twice that some men had attacked him. There was no evidence that Patresse’s kitchen knife was the weapon that penetrated his abdomen, nor was their any blood or testing done on the kitchen knife. There is even footage of them cautiously walking away from him while he continues to walk after them. To say the least many of us who were at court everyday seeing the trial happen were surprised (due to naivety) that they could be found guilty. Even the night they were arrested they thought they would be going home as an officer told them while never looking for the men that inflicted most of Buckle’s bruises and wounds.

We remember Sakia Gunn a 15 year old black lesbian who was stabbed to death in a similar situation, they were also friends of hers.

We understand that when we are being attacked calling the police all too often results in being re-victimized by police officers.

We understand that the media coverage has been typically racist, consistently referring to the young black women as a pack of wolves further dehumanizing them. The energy that the defense attorney’s had to put in to have the jury consider them to be average women, planning to go to McDonalds and just hang out was unbelievable. At one point the prosecuting attorney demanded that someone who feels unsafe should always have a cell phone on them to call the police. At the time this women could not afford a cell phone. Some people ask why they were just hanging out in the village if they were from Jersey. When exactly has it become normal to expect that only people with money have the right to socialize? When has it become normal to expect that everyone has a comfortable home environment and should not be out doors at night or any other time of the day?

For many years FIERCE has been fighting that notion of only those with money and property have the right to public space. The Christopher st. Piers has been a home for many in our community for decades, particularly low income or homeless youth of color. This incident is not an isolated incident. Many of us have been in situations where some randomn person felt entitled to our bodies, whether it be the guy on the corner trying to “get a date” or the state whose solution to homelessness is incarceration/cheap labor.

Below is a breakdown of their charges and some ways to support. As an organization FIERCE has mainly been acting as a support to the women and their families. Part of the way we did that was through showing up to court as well as helping to connect them to different resources. Understandably the mothers are extremely upset right now and so we want to wait a bit to hear from them as to what might be helpful as well as not wanting to do anything that could be damaging to their sentencing which occurs in 1 month. We will keep you as informed as possible given that we are still settling into our new space. Right now Opt-Editorials will be quite helpful ( i.e Daily News and The Post), we also need someone with writing skills who can turn something in to ColorLines. The first step is to help promote awareness around the issue.
Thank you all for reading and supporting very important work.
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renata hill, venice brown found not guilty of gang assault 1, but guilty of gang assault 2, not guilty of assault 1 and 2, guilty on assault 3. terrain dandridge the same except she was found not guilty of assault 3. patreese johnson found not guilty of gang assault 1 and attempted murder 2, but guilty of gang assault 2 and assault 1 an 2.

assault 3 is of no consequence as it is only a misdemeanor. for renata, venice and terrain, the top count is gang assault 2. it is classified under ny law as a class c violent felony. if no one has a prior felony conviction, it carries a mandatory minimum sentence of 3 1/2 years in state prison, up to the maximum of 15 years. since it is a violent felony, there is no parole and the person would have to do 6/7's of the sentence. for example, if the person was sentenced to the minimum (3 1/2 years), they would have to do 3 years. if they were sentenced to 4 years, they would have to do 3 years, 5 months and 6 days. they would get credit for any time they have already done including time that folks did before they were bailed out).

for ms. johnson, her situation is worse. while she was acquitted of the attempted murder (which is a class b violent felony), she was convicted of the assault 1 which is also a b violent. the mandatory minimum for that is 5 years , with the maximum being 25 years. the same rules apply as to what portion of the sentence she would have to do.

each person's case has been adjourned for sentencing. renata's is scheduled for may 17th at 12 noon. i do not know the adjourned dates/times for the rest. within 10 days of a person's sentencing, their lawyer will file a 1 page document called a notice of appeal. that will start the process of appeal, which under the best of circumstances will be at least a year's process. transcripts of the hearings, trial and sentencings will have to be ordered and paid for, folks get abd pay for (if the cannot afford, they will get assigned attorneys) appellete attorneys, briefs will have to be researched and prepared, the prosecutor will get to respond, oral arguments will get scheduled in the appellate division and after argument the appellate court will issue a decision. each of those steps can take a long time.

there are certainly many things that people could do to be helpful. the defendants, their families and friends need support (emotional, political and otherwise). at the same time, the defendants are going to do time (even if they ultimately win any appeal) so what's going to help them do it easier. there are things that folks can do to help prepare for sentencing but some of those things might be different than what folks could do to begin a campaign to have governor spitzer pardon them or commute their sentences. so folks need to define the goals of their assistance. i am certain that the lawyers would be helpful in reporting to people for them to understand what has happened and what they could do. i hope that this email has been helpful.
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There will soon be a chart of needs sent out soon as well by people coordinating resources for the young women and their families, including fund-raising, letters of the support for them, and a legal intern for one of the lawyers which I can forward on to you if you want it. There is also some mainstream coverage of it that I can send you, much of it, like the update discussed, is creepy and messed up on so many levels.

Family Values: Made in America?

2007-05-31T12:22:00.000-04:00

The following is an excerpt from a great post by Priscilla Huang from the NAPAWF. Go read the whole thing!!

Notably, the study also cites Daniel Patrick Moynihan's infamous 1965 report, "The Negro Family: The Case for National Action," which attacked the matriarchal structure of poor African-American families and proposed military enlistment for young black men as the solution to the "deterioration of the Negro family." Both the Moynihan report and the CIS study assume that nuclear family structures are the ideal standard and both dismiss alternative family structures—particularly those that are headed by single or unmarried women—as morally destructive and socially deviant.

In addition, it's important to note the more underhanded reason that the CIS study compares the out of wedlock birth rates of immigrant women to that of African-American women: to divide communities of color on the immigration debate. The sexual and reproductive decisions of women of color have always come under scrutiny, and the United States (along with many countries in the Global North) has a long history of trying to control the fertility of low-income women of color. As such, women's bodies have long been the political battleground for oppressive policy-making. Immigration reform is no different.

suicide, guantanamo, breaking news

2007-05-30T20:35:00.000-04:00

Hello to all!
For those of you who don't know, I'll be cross posting at Donna's for a while until she gets herself settled in to her new home--I hope that I live up to the high standards you have come to know while reading Donna! --bfp

I just surfed over to bbcnews and found this teeny little blurb:

Guantanamo Saudi 'kills himself'
A Saudi Arabian prisoner has died in an apparent suicide at the US detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, the US military has said.

A statement by the US Southern Command said the inmate was found unresponsive and not breathing by guards, and attempts to revive him failed.

Two Saudis and a Yemeni prisoner were found hanged in an apparent suicide at the camp in June last year.

About 380 prisoners are held at the camp, some for as long as five years.

First off, what's up with the scare quotes around "kills himself"--I ask because the u.s. government has been particularly vehement about repositioning "suicide" as "terrorist actions" (as in, committing suicide is not a sign of depression and as such, an indicator of the horrible evilness that is Guantanamo, but rather a continuation of the terrorist mentality that got the person imprisoned to begin with) and I'm wondering if 'kills himself" will eventually be reworked to reflect the u.s. government strategy.

Second--why does this particular piece of 'breaking news' seem like it's going to die off really quickly? It's not even front page news at BBC--OR front page news in the "Americas" section.

And lastly--I realize that headlines are hard to come by some times--but there is just something patently wrong to me with the man in question being called a "Guantanamo Saudi". as if his nationality has been overwritten to such an extent he's no longer a Saudi, he's a *Guantanamo* Saudi. He's a forced citizen of a new nation/state.

A forced citizen of a new nation/state where the nation/state has the right to control when you can breath, sleep, eat, exercise or look at pictures of your children.

Goodbye Cruel World!

2007-05-26T11:21:00.000-04:00

The time has come to take apart this computer and pack it away for the move. There is a possibility that I can set up the other computer to get access for one more week, but I am not counting on having the time to do so, or having the time to go to the library etc. So you might not hear from me for awhile.

It's coming down to the wire. The closing on the house, the move out east, buying a house out there, it's just too much for blogging to be a priority now. But know that I will miss you all and send my love. (Especially Bint Alshamsa. If you haven't been to her blog and given her all the love and support you are able, get over to My Private Casbah now!)

a guest post from bfp

2007-05-21T11:43:00.000-04:00

Thank you so much to Donna, who has so kindly offered her space to me. I can't express how much I appreciate your constant support Donna, thank you so much.)

Samhita has an opinion about FFF and there are a few things about her opinion that I would like to discuss.

First. Intersectionality. Samhita feels upset and erased because many women of color bloggers are upset about Jessica’s book, Full Frontal Feminism.

I myself was very upset about the book—to the point I made several nasty remarks about it. For this, I apologize. I have a real substantial critique of the book, which I’m not going to get into here because I want this to address Samhita and not Jessica. But suffice it to say; at the time I made my remarks, I was in the middle of a personal crisis that I am still recovering from. So while my remarks have some substantial critique in them—at the same time, yes, I did say that Jessica sounded like a valley girl. And I was pretty aggressive even outside of that comment. For that—I am sorry.

Having said that, I personally (other woc bloggers have their own opinions) take issue with the idea that “intersectionality” and “inclusivity” are in anyway linked. I furthermore take issue with the idea that a “lack of inclusivity” is the main thrust of the problem with Jessica’s book or with feministing.

There seems to be this idea that if women of color are “included” that we should then shut up and leave it alone. The author did the best she could, and that is that. In her post, Samhita conflates intersectionality with inclusivity (as do MANY defenders of this book). That is—Samhita personally writes about intersectionality thus feministing is “inclusive” and therefore, her “voice as a women of color is integrated to the greatest extent that ANY voice can be integrated into a blog.”

A big problem with this logic is that “inclusivity” is not the answer to the problems white women face. Jessica’s book alone demonstrates that. So why is it the answer for the problems facing women of color? An even bigger problem is that the final outcome of an intersectional analysis was never “inclusivity” to begin with.

Intersectional approaches were used by radical women of color feminists to not just more accurately and thoroughly name a problem—but to come up with solutions to those problems. Thus—the goal of radical women of color feminists was not to “include” women of color in an already formed movement whose goal was to get better wages for upper class white women. It was to eliminate colonialism because it created the prison industrial complex that imprisons impoverished native women whose land the government wants. They did this in many ways—some of them being, for example, refusing to participate in the not-for-profit community and organizing feminist freedom schools.

To bring it back to feministing and Jessica and FFF and Samhita—sure, women of color were included in FFF and women of color are included in feministing—but is that inclusion doing anything to improve the quality of life for women in any of our communities--or on a less grandiose scale—to improve the quality of blogging experience for women of color bloggers?

In other words—intersectionality as used to name problems is fine—but the important part of intersectionality comes when it’s used to FIND ANSWERS. Is inclusivity really the answer to the intersectional problem of poor queer black women being thrown in jail because she can’t afford her medication and she attacked her children? To link it to Jessica’s book—is inclusivity really the answer when imprisoned teenage female youths (a devastating problem that is permeating through vast populations of native, black and latina communities) are forcibly put onto Depo-Provera and raped by prison guards? Is “getting on birth control” and “masturbating” really the answer to these youths—who, in general, also reject the term “feminism”?

In short, women of color are brought up lots and lots of times as a part of the “problem”—but we are patently ignored as “not part of the target audience” when it comes to solutions. If we were “included” in the solution of women not identifying with “feminism”—FFF would be a completely different book and feministing would be a completely different site.

I also want to address the idea put forth by Samhita (and many many maaaany of Jessica’s supporters) that women of color bloggers are “hating” on Jessica.

I met Jessica from feministing and Amanda from pandagon at the NAPW conference earlier this year. I liked both of them a lot. Especially Amanda—who, for the first time, made me see why people think southern accents are sexy.

At the conference, I joked with Jessica about the size of her boobs, talked at length with Amanda about Texas/Mexican border issues and living on farmland—I liked them both a lot, and was really happy to that I met up with them.

And then I got back home, and continued blogging and continued to be pissed off by Amanda’s analysis of X and Jessica’s understanding of Y.

It is possible to heartily disagree with and dislike what a person says in a blog and how the represent themselves on that blog and to really like them in the real world.

The disagreement women of color bloggers have with Jessica/feministing has never been about how much we hate hate hate Jessica. Ever. It’s been about how we have been treated and how our community has been treated.

Samhita says that it is a shame that one thread at feminsting defines all of feministing. Of course, she is referring to the thread in which former blogger, Nubian, was attacked for her views on the book FFF.

Besides the fact that this one thread (while it is pointed to often) does not represent the entirety of the problem that many woc bloggers have with feminsting (Nubian was attacked multiple times on multiple threads, including an interview that she contributed to and the FFF thread, Bint Alshamsa and Black Amazon were both attacked as well, to the point that Black Amazon and Nubian were accused of being the same person. And that’s not even getting into the actual content of feministing) there is also the point that while this singular thread may have been just a thread to Samhita—a member of our community (the radical women of color feminist blogging community)—a leader that opened a truly radical space whereby queer black women specifically and women of color in general had their views represented and honored in the blogosphere—was attacked on multiple threads by multiple members of the feministing community. Attacked to the point that Nubian DOES say these multiple attacks were a contributing factor to her NO LONGER BLOGGING.

Something that was "just a thread" to Samhita contributed to an irrevocable loss to our community that has not and probably never will be filled.

But it was just a thread, after all, and it’s a shame that feministing is being judged by that one thread.

I myself think it’s a bigger shame—a fucking devastating injustice—that unabashedly radical queer black feminists have one less blogger in the blogosphere. That unabashedly radical queer black feminists now know what will happen to them if they speak out on a blog dominated by “liberals” that are “trying to learn more” about WOC issues. And yes, I will go there, because it’s intimately connected, even though nobody wants to admit it—what will happen to YOUNG queer black feminists if they speak out.

Shortly after Nubian was attacked, she stopped calling herself a feminist. She called herself a womanist and changed the blurb on her site to reflect that. She was 24 at the time—an age that all of us women of color bloggers have been told, is considered “young.”

She stopped calling herself a feminist as a direct result of the virulent racism she experienced at the hands of white feminists that “want to learn” about women of color issues—many of which, came to her site directly from feministing.

I wonder if she is the “target audience” of Jessica’s book?

In the end—I agree with little light—this has been a long time coming (whatever “this” is). Contrary to popular opinion—radical women of color bloggers don’t expect Jessica, feministing, or Samhita to be “everything” to all of us. But we do expect that if you’re going to “include” us in the problem, that you “include” us in the answer. And when you only show up to our blogs to defend Jessica or to lambast us for not “defending you” (when you have had scant little to say about any of the various attacks that any of us have been on the brunt end of, including being outted along with your child, being threatened with dick slappings and fist fuckings, being told you’re a part of a “dirty race,” and being endlessly confronted and challenged and talked down to by white feminist women) well, I’m sorry, but that’s not creating an answer that any of us can live with.

At this point, I can only say that I hope, Samhita, that there is some answer out there somewhere that all of us can get behind.

New Kid On The Block

2007-05-18T18:38:00.000-04:00

Ok, maybe not that new. I've seen her around. I'm out getting the mail and she drives by, or she's taking a stroll that takes her past my house in the late afternoon, maybe in line a couple customers ahead of me at the grocery store. She seems really nice and I overheard a conversation or two where she has wonderful, intelligent, and interesting things to say. I think I'd like to get to know her. Maybe you've already stopped by and welcomed her to our lovely POC neighborhood. If not, let's take a walk over to her place and say, "Hi!" together.

Ok, Magniloquence is the newest addition to my blogroll. But there are other new WOC blogs recently added too, and you might want to pop by their blogs and see what they have to say: Vox ex Machina, No Snow Here (Meet her in person at the AMC!), She Who Stumbles, Make It Plain (Nanette recommended her!), and Race and Gender (Aradhana recommended her!).

Untrustworthy and Unreliable

2007-05-17T19:37:00.000-04:00

UPDATE: I LOVE ME SOME FEMINISTE!
From Jill
From Piny
More from Piny
From Zuzu

Back in March at Everybody Comes from Somewhere, Scribe40 was mystified about something that had gone wrong with one of her friends, she was giving a presentation which her friend attended. There was a segment for interaction with the audience and the friend raised her hand, but Scribe didn't see her, and didn't call on her for quite some time. Afterwards the friend was decidedly cool towards her, even after Scribe explained that it wasn't an intentional snub, she really didn't see her. One other thing you should know, Scribe is white, the friend is black. Scribe wanted to know what was really going on and I said:

That lady knows that sometimes people are nice to her and still hold the notion that she is inferior. She thought you were ignoring her in a room full of superior white people, and sent her to the back of the line to wait her turn until the “important” people had their say.

This kind of thing is common enough that I bet every POC has experienced it, and it's happening in the blogosphere right now. Over at Feministe Jill writes a review of Full Frontal Feminism, a book written by Jessica of Feministing. Since I've been following the reviews and criticism at blogs written by women of color and other allies, I was interested. I expected the posts at Having Read the Fine Print and Anti-Essentialist Conundrum to be included, and possibly an older one at Blac(k)ademic but when I finished reading the post, they were noticeably absent. Why? Jill says:

I found the posts criticizing Jessica through a BlogHer summary and through a Google search. I didn’t see either of their posts; I’m sure there are many, many others that I also missed. I was also focusing on the criticisms that I thought were unsubstantiated and cruel — while I don’t completely agree with Sylvia or blackamazon, I do think they make substantive points, and they didn’t engage in the kind of personal attacks that some other bloggers did.

Uh huh, she didn't see those black women with their hands up. What's odd is that both BlackAmazon and Sylvia were making similar arguments in the comments thread of the post Petitpoussin wrote, which was linked. Wonder how she missed that? But wait, she was only looking for unsubstantiated and cruel criticism...

Anyone have a problem with that? The black women have a good point, so ignore it and pretend they don't exist, because she needs to show loyalty for the "important" people, her white friend. She actually wants to hide valid criticism from view of her readers.

I have Feministe in my blogroll for a reason, they do cover racism and all the other "isms" in a serious way. While not all the blogs I link to are actively anti-racist, they are non-racist. I don't expect this kind of disappearing and dismissal of POC voices. While Scribe simply didn't see her friend in the back of the room, Jill was putting the "important" white person first and telling the black women to get to the back of the line.

It's true, middle class white Americans are untrustworthy and unreliable.

Enough! Stand Up Against The Bullshit!

2007-05-13T11:07:00.000-04:00

Many of you have probably already seen this cartoon. It's several years old and the artist is Ampersand at Alas, A Blog. I saw it for the first time probably two years ago, before I had a blog. It's simple truth spoke to me about the blindness of those who climb over others to gain power for themselves, and then forget how they got there. I'm sure it's why a corrupt and incomplete version of history is what we are taught in American schools, we are supposed to forget.

I want to draw for you a continuation of that cartoon. Imagine it, the brown kid is Condoleeza Rice, or Alberto Gonzales, and the next brown kid to come along is Martin Luther King Jr. What happens next? The first brown kid climbs on the second brown kid's back to get to the top and instead of helping him up, does the exact same thing the white kid did, claims they did it all on their own, the civil rights movement and death and suffering of that era had nothing to do with it.

White isn't just a skin color, it's an idea, it's about hierarchy, power, and an "I got mine, SUCKERS!" mentality, that's why there can be and is white POC. It also isn't limited to rightwing racists, we have them in progressive circles too. A common tactic used against people of color who want to discuss our issues and concerns, especially when we are angry because we are ignored by those on our side, is to tell us, "We have more important issues! We have to work on our issues first, and then we will get around to your special interests. Racism is dead, we are all colorblind now." (Notice in Amps cartoon, the brown kid does drop the shackles. I thought that was a very astute observation on his part. The brown kid is slightly better off, but nowhere near equal.)

This isn't an issue purely of race, feminists have heard liberal men parrot this line to them too, so have environmentalists, so have those fighting for the rights of the disabled, so have those who are poverty activists, so has labor and consumer rights activists, so has the GLBT community...BUT some of those people are also climbing on the backs of others. Here's an example, read Maha's description of Heaven and Hell at 23, and my answer at 31, it's the same as the cartoon. Notice how she and her ignorant supporters never answer my question about whether they would have had a problem with that lunch being attended by all men, except the one who wants to make a joke. Now that white women have access, they have no problem slamming the door in our faces. Their "important" issues are being addressed, so go away with our petty unimportant "identity politics", and "jealousy". That comments thread is a screaming indictment for how deep racism runs in America. No, it ain't just the rightwing bigots or skinhead extremists.

Another thing that happens commonly when people bring up the fact that America was built on racism, slavery, and genocide, is for some white people to pipe up about how they are not responsible for that. Their Irish great grandfather arrived after slavery was abolished, and reservations were established for the Native Americans, and not only that, he was discriminated against too! It's true. The Irish, Italians, Greeks, Jews, Catholics, anyone who wasn't a WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) were at one time discriminated against. They didn't enjoy all the privileges of being white -enough-. Now that cartoon doesn't make sense, those people didn't step on anyone to get up there! Because there is more to the cartoon, there isn't just one brown boy at the bottom and there isn't just one white boy at the top, and the white boy isn't as passive as the cartoon appears. When the brown boy tries to climb up on his own, the white boy pushes him back down. The white boy likes it that power is consolidated amongst a select few and he can't allow everyone to make it to the top, that means less for him and those like him. But he also has a bit of a problem, those at the bottom keep growing, and he and the small group of other whites aren't strong enough to push them all back down. So occasionally they give a hand up to a few more to help keep the others down. That's what I think about you and your great grandfather. You haven't done a damn thing to help anyone else up, and have instead been helping your former oppressor to keep everyone else down. "I got mine, SUCKERS!"

I wrote this post for the Radical Carnival of Action, first proposed by BFP and being hosted by Sylvia at the Anti-Essentialist Conundrum. You may think that I haven't suggested any grassroots activism, but I have and I will make it clearer: grassroots activism isn't just organizing protest marches, or soup kitchens, or domestic violence hotlines. I feel helpless because I would have a difficult time with any of these very important projects until I have successful surgery. But BrownFemiPower inspired me to write this. That is grassroots activism too. She energizes and motivates me to DO SOMETHING! I dedicate this post to her. I send her love and healing energy.

My grassroots activism is to inspire you to do something too.

I can see a day coming when the crowd at the bottom is going to overwhelm the few at the top. The majority of Americans are already discriminated against or oppressed in some way, but this is as it has always been. The difference is that today there are more of us discontented, alienated, and unrepresented since the turn of the century. Many of us are people of color and it's time for us to come together and shove each other to the top and pull those behind us up too. I'm tired of us vs them in every discussion. I'm tired of people saying to each other, "I must have my important issues first, then we will get back to you", and always it isn't enough. They always have more important issues and never get back to 'you'. I want to motivate you to stand up to these white people, and I do not mean skin color, reread the third paragraph.

1) The next time you hear that bullshit, stand up to it, don't let them tell an immigrant woman imprisoned in Hutto that her problem is a "pet project" that must wait, don't let them tell a disabled man that his problem is a "pet project" that must wait, don't let them tell a transwoman that her problem is a "pet project" that must wait. Don't let them tell you that your problem is a "pet project" that must wait. Don't let them dazzle you with their illogic, "We are on the same side, no circular firing squad!" argument. We are not on the same side if it is only about THEIR needs and never about ours.

2) Don't let them shove their DLC pro-wealthy candidates down your throat. Don't vote for them. I don't give a damn anymore that the Republicans are much worse than the Democrats, because no, they aren't. DLC Democrats are still consolidating power for the few at the expense of the many. Using the Democrats logic the whole Civil War could have been avoided by making sure the slaveholders didn't whip the slaves. No one with any sense in their head would say that that compromise is good enough. But that's the kind of compromise candidates the Democrats expect rousing support for? Voting for either bad or worse isn't a choice. How about we force them to run GOOD for once?

3) Don't just sit it out. Write to the DNC and DLC and tell them why you will not support candidate X, Y, or Z. Tell them "electable" isnt really. Do vote for and support real progressive candidates. Write to those candidates and politicians showing your support. Write to your newspaper or other news outlet that has letters to the editor.

4) Write a blog post like this one. Or like this one. Or like this one. Or like this one. Or like this, all of it. Speak for yourself, speak for others, speak out against the lies and bullshit and games people play to climb on others backs to achieve their own goals.

UPDATE: Ok there she goes, that, that, Sassywho! Writing almost the same thing as I wrote here, only in her fancy pants edumakated way*. For once you can say, "You're just jellus!" and I will agree.

*No she isn't one of the thieves we've been talking about lately. She didn't get the idea from me, and I didn't get mine from her. But, like me, I bet BFP was an inspiration to her too.

Do You Know Where Michael Patrick Vaughn Is?

2007-05-11T09:17:00.000-04:00

While chatting at Devious Diva's yesterday Kevin aka Thin Black Duke of Slant Truth updated us on the search for his brother, Michael Patrick Vaughn. There is no update. He is still missing and the family is very worried. He had been known to take off and do his own thing, but he also checked in to let everyone know he was ok. He hasn't done that in well over a year. When he last contacted the family he was in California. He may be there, he may have moved on to somewhere else, no one knows. If you have any information about his current whereabouts or what he has been doing in the last 1+ year, contact Kevin.

It's Imperative!

2007-05-10T11:50:00.000-04:00

I've been tagged by Sylvia to answer the question, "What is the imperative of my life", I've also been tagged by BlackAmazon, who corrupted the question, she asks, "What is it imperative for people to know."

The imperative of my life is difficult to answer because I have always been flighty. So I am tempted to answer, death and taxes. LOL The real answer is probably something closer to, knowledge. Everyone is always learning, whether we are paying attention and realizing it or not, but what I mean is seeking it out. Before I got a computer I practically lived at the library, I still go, but I love that my computer can take me anywhere right from the comfort of my home. I even like useless trivia, in fact, much of my learning is trivia, and that's ok, as long as it's something new to know. So knowledge it is.

What is imperative for everyone to know, is that the majority of middle class white American people are untrustworthy and unreliable. (A handful of these people have discovered this, and those are the ones who tend to be trustworthy and reliable.) The reason for this is that they are completely self-centered. So you ask, "But Donna, isn't everyone self-centered?" Yes, but it is the extent I am talking about. MCWAs' are oblivious to everyone else around them and throughout the world. Only their problems, their issues, their concerns matter. Everyone else is just a "special interest". In the blogging world, the major liberal/progressive/Democratic blogs are close to useless for informing or being informed by anyone but MCWAs. The only time people of color; poor people, including whites; those with disabilities; foreigners; labor, especially blue collar; just about anyone who isn't a MCWA is mentioned with any concern on their blogs is when that person can be used for their agenda, not because the concern is real. Sometimes appearances is the only agenda, because when they can make themselves appear like they care, they all get to sit around and feel all warm and fuzzy and enlightened.

I gave up on the male-centered liberal mainstream blogs long ago. I thought that maybe since the women had to deal with the oppression of sexism and misogyny that I'd have more in common with them and have a place to work through our issues together. Wrong. Because they are privileged, but blind to it, they only see their issues. Since they are middle class white Americans, usually able bodied, usually heterosexual, usually white collar workers, etc they pay lip service to issues related to poverty, people of color in the US, anything about another country, anything about disability, most GLBT issues (but since some middle class white women are lesbians, this gets a little more interest), or anything having to do with blue collar workers, low level white collar, or part time/temp workers.

No, the big issues on their blogs revolve around preserving only what they already have and getting more for themselves, they really could care less if you are out in the cold looking in. Oh sure, sometimes they talk about poverty, or women in India, or immigrants in America; but look at the framing. Almost every topic leads back to how it affects them, it's not really about the people they are using. If they don't center it on the middle class white woman, someone (usually several) will do it in the comments. Even on our blogs, we have white people show up wanting us to reassure them that they are good people. That is tiring for those with little to keep propping up those with much. Figure out another way to work on your self esteem, like maybe doing something to make a difference, instead of whining that you don't mean to be racist. I much prefer the ones I usually get, if they ask anything, instead of asking me to tell them that they are good people, they ask, Am I doing something wrong? What should I be doing? But I have seen this on other POC blogs and expect it as I continue blogging.

They are untrustworthy and unreliable and we should stop looking to them for any sort of help. It won't be there. But you know something, in this country they are a minority, just like they are in the rest of the world. So whose issues are "special interests"? We the POC, the poor of all colors, the labor movement, the disabled, people from all over the world, all of us who are oppressed and truly care for each other need to come together and help each other. We don't need them, they will soon be needing us. We will remember the ones who were by our sides and we will remember the ones who turned their backs or used us. So you middle class white feminists might want to jump on the bandwagon right about now, show some real concern for women who aren't just like you. I'll be happy to help you with your problems, but not at the expense of my problems, we will work TOGETHER. It's not good enough to work on you keeping your privileges at my expense.

I tag anyone who wants to answer either question. Go ahead, you know you want to do it. Leave a comment so that I can check it out at your site.

Read Superbaby Mama

2007-05-08T19:39:00.000-04:00

Ok, so there I am checking out all the blogs linking to the Best Blog Post EVAR!!!!1!!!!!11! (Nezua's posts, not my post about his post) and am checking out Kactus, since she linked there too, but what really caught my eye was this must read: "My body exists politically in a way I can not prevent". Get over there and read it!

Oppression Olympics

2007-05-08T16:19:00.000-04:00

I was loving this really well written article on Axis of Logic except for this part:

Nonetheless, to a "liberal," the previous comment is racist and wrong, because black people, unlike the days of slavery, are now "like us," meaning white Anglo-American society, whereas Arabs and Muslims (as if they are a unitary, monolithic people), can still be labeled wholly as "backwards, ruthless, Jew-hating animals."

This person hasn't seen much interaction between blacks and whites in America, including the liberal kind. There are very few true non-racists in America, the ones who in all instances look at people of color as equal to themselves. More often than not you come across those who don't really have anything against a particular race or ethnic group but does in the back of the mind see them as inferior, or at least is aware of a certain power dynamic (white privilege) and is quite happy to take advantage of it. By this I mean that they can turn on and off their concern for racist issues and incidents, where if they were POC in America this becomes very difficult.

This is why they think we are oversensitive, when in fact they are insensitive. We are appropriately sensitive to our situation, if we ignore those instances when we are degraded and dehumanized, it doesn't just hurt our widdle feewin's, it sometimes leads to violence and death. A good example was the POC outrage, and dismissive attitude of many whites, over Rosie O'Donnell and the ching chong incident. Kai said:

"Ching chong" has been the last sound I've heard before a good 90% of the fistfights I've gotten into over racism, from kindergarten to just a few months ago when someone said "ching chong" to me on a basketball court (except that guy was more honest than ABC because he at least knew it was racist and unambiguously meant it as such). So for me, when I hear "ching chong", I assume it's on and there's no turning back.

Black people have never, to this very day, never been seen as "like us" ...the white Anglo-American society. Not even at the height of the civil rights movement when there seemed to be so much hope for an egalitarian society. Anytime that the powerless appear to be gaining ground with regard to those in power there is a backlash and that is what has happened since those days of the late 60s and early 70s. The hard won rights they did gain have been slowly but surely eroded and it continues now. That's why I hate to see any POC writer say things like that at the Axis of Logic. We can't pit ourselves against each other. Instead of being envious and resentful of blacks for the small moments of respect they get, they should be thinking that it is well deserved, that all of us deserve respect and dignity. When I see things like this the feeling is more one of, "If I don't get respect and dignity, you shouldn't either."

We've discussed this at many times, there is nothing wrong with making comparisons between yourself and others, including oppression. What is wrong is this one upmanship, the Oppression Olympics, the jealousy that someone is getting more table scraps from the masters table than you are. That bullshit is frustrating and infuriating, fighting over tiny crumbs, instead of looking at the pig hoarding the feast and laughing at us.

Which reminds me of another recent incident, a discussion of Obama and CBS shutting down the racist comments at Pandagon. In the comment Cara says:

I’m also extremely surprised that there would be more racist comments towards Obama than misogynist comments towards Clinton. Misogynist comments seem to be so much more socially acceptable than racist ones– though it’s possible that because they’re more acceptable, they’re not really seen as misogynist and therefore not shut down.

Same thing. Heaven forbid that a feminist website have a discussion purely about race. I mean, hell, every other post is about white middle class women's concerns, so we can't let this one be about something else, can we? What is odd is that these are the same women who would smack down a man who showed up in the comments whining, "But what about the men???" but don't see when they do the exact same thing. This gender trumps race bullshit is so damned tiring and so predictable.

Anyway, to wind this up, go read the Axis of Logic article, it's about how it is acceptable in America to hate Muslims and Arabs, even by liberals and I think it is right on the money...with that one exception of the Oppression Olympics.